I used to write an annual rumination as the old year was drawing to a close, reflecting on what I had accomplished and set up resolutions for the new year. I stopped the practice a few years ago because then I was caught up (?) in an "epic" struggle to put my finances in order. Now I have weathered the storm and become "wiser" emotionally and socially, the urge to write is upon me once more. So dear readers, I am going to let loose whatever in my mind, bare my soul, unchain my heart, mix and entangle facts and fiction, and throw caution to the wind.
Sometime ago, a friend slyly made an inquiry,, posited a question to me as to what gave me the greatest pleasures in life. I answered unhesitatingly, "to read, to think, and to write." Upon hearing my lightning fast reply, he was stunned and speechless, looking at me intensely like he was trying to detect if I was being flippant and facetious in my answer. When he found none, he sighed and said, "I know you are strange and different, but I didn't know you were that strange and different." To that pedestrian remark, I retorted, "What did you expect me to say? That to fuck, to accumulate a lot of money, to have power and lord over others, and to seek fame? Those goals are for stupid, insensitive, unenlightened human animals. I have told you time and time again I ain't no fucking regular human animal. I am a real human with real human aspirations. I want to do things that sub-humans can't do."
Yes, since day one, since the dawn of my consciousness when I was eleven years of age, I've been eternally aware that I was blessed of being born as a human being, and not as a dog or a pig. I know my mission in life is to conduct myself as a human being. Sometimes I fall short in my mission. Sometimes I stumble, fall down, even regress, but I always get up and resume my march in the journey from darkness to light, from ignorance to knowledge, from banality to sublimity. Yes, I set a high bar for myself. Yes, I am prideful and arrogant. Yes, I am in love with myself.
I recently wrote that a man's worldview rests on two pillars of thought: whether or not there is a God who takes an interest in his creation, mainly human beings on this planet; and whether or not life is worth living. Now I would like to add that besides getting to know a man's worldview by inquiring and investigating his attitude about God and suicide, a man's true character and color can be determined by his conduct regarding power, money, fame, love and sex.
The issue of God and religion can be used to gauge the depth, the true caliber of a person's intellect as well as his emotional strength. I read today that religion is a palliative for the masses. Yes, it really is, and no more. Sadly, the masses stupidly think religion is a way to truth. They don't know to reach truth, they must take the route of philosophy. Maybe, for them, that route is inaccessible. You must have a mind and a courage to tackle philosophy. A person first must know himself and his intellectual limitations. The masses never know and understand Alexander Pope's exhortation, "the proper study of man is man himself. Man is the measure of all things." Yes, Man, not God, must be the starting point of inquiry. To do otherwise is to put the cart before the horse.
So Truth and Knowledge and Justice and Beauty should be the ideals, the goals for a man's endeavors in life. They must be the same ideals and goals when he writes. There is nothing more shameful than to lie and to put oneself in the service of distorting and twisting the words of others in order to annoy and hurt those one hates. But I see human animals do that day in and day out. I can cite the names of those human animals which, not who, fancy that they are educated because they managed to graduate from college, but they cannot write worth a damn in either their mother tongue or in English. I can back up my observations with specific examples of the lame, crippled prose, replete with weak, infantile, unsubstantiated "arguments" of these human animals. But I won't, but almost anybody who has even a cursory interest in what has come out of the pens of these animals know who they are. My contempt for them is immense. They serve a function to remind me that I am lucky of not being like them.
To combat the inevitable ill effects these human animals have on me, I turn to the pleasant memories associated with certain friends who understand and value the beauty of my words and the power of my intellect. The sight of a smiling lady friend embracing a majestic tree has reminded me of the communion of life force and beauty. The saintly character of my friend Omar has alleviated my cynicism. The help my friend Bob has given me in connection with electronic matters as well as his honesty and sense of fairness have soothed my turbulent, lonely soul. The unforgettable dinner outing at a Korean BBQ restaurant in Los Angeles has deepened my appreciation of friendship. And of course, the memories of a friend who embraced me warmly upon seeing me have inspired me to write essays and poems and short stories. I hope one day the friend would understand how deep my feelings and reveries are.
Happy Holidays and a wonderful year of 2015.
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