Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Clínging to our Roots

Not long ago I came across a commercial for the genealogical research website Ancestry.com, in which a man recounts how he’d always believed his roots to be German. He had proudly celebrated this heritage — for example, by wearing Lederhosen and joining a German dance group — until a DNA test revealed the hidden reality of his origins: 52 percent of his ancestors were from Scotland and Ireland, he learned; there were no Germans in his family tree. “So I traded in my Lederhosen for a kilt,” the man says. And just like that, he replaces one set of roots with another, swinging like Tarzan from one vine to the next.

The commercial is silly in its reduction of identity to a wardrobe choice, but it does reveal something about the sense of self we derive from our roots, which are both troubled and enriched by the new global technological reality of our time. We can know more about distant ancestors than ever before. But what purpose does this knowledge serve? Why is the root such a compelling metaphor for thinking about our connection to ancestors, homelands, and the earth itself?
Humans are context-seeking creatures, and this need to feel woven into the world takes many forms: research into family history; pride about one’s hometown, state, or country and the specificities of these places that have marked one’s character, behavior, and speech; nostalgia for a past when people appeared to have stable destinies, when gender roles, social hierarchies, and the “order of things” seemed clearer, and when inherited categories went uncontested; and the pastoral longing to restore a lost communion with the earth itself. Rootedness is the most flexible metaphor for talking about the contextualized human being. Often, it compels us to such an extent that we forget it is a metaphor.
The History Channel’s current remake of the mini-series “Roots,” based on Alex Haley’s 1976 novel and its first televised iteration in 1977, has to some extent returned the idea to the contemporary American consciousness. Here, the cultural heritage transmitted from generation to generation in the context of the American slave trade gives voice to the legacy of those torn from their homes and sent toward an irrevocable and tragic future. This is a distinctly American narrative, but the language of rootedness can be found in a remarkable range of contexts, across cultures and in all kinds of writing — including poetry, nature writing and ecocritical philosophy — to describe the human’s self-extraction from the earth. How could the same image be used in such varied settings?
The philosophical novelist and essayist Michel Tournier, who died in January, believed that nearly all human conflicts could be traced to the tensions between rootless and rooted peoples. He offers many examples in an essay called “Nomad and Sedentary” in his book “The Mirror of Ideas”: the fratricide in Genesis involving the sedentary farmer Cain’s murder of his nomadic brother Abel, a shepherd; the invention of barbed wire in America in the 1800s, which marked the sedentarization of pioneers and bloodshed over the rightful ownership of land; the conflicts between the nomadic Tuareg and the settled Saharan peoples; and the Nazis’ demonization of the Jews, imagined as rootless and thus unrighteous transients.
It is often pointed out that tracing our lineage far back enough would show that we all came from the same place. But this primordial root is usually disregarded. For some reason, each collective, whether it be a nation, ethnic group or tribe, adopts a distinct conception of its own roots that tends to ignore this most fundamental idea of human connectedness.
We’ve arrived at a strange juncture in history, one that puts two world systems at odds: the first, an older root system that privileged “vertical” hierarchy, tradition, and national sovereignty; and the second, the “horizontal” globalized latticework of cybernetic information transfer and economic connectivity.
Perhaps this is what the French philosophers Gilles Deleuze and Félix Guattari anticipated in the introduction to their 1980 book “A Thousand Plateaus” when they described the rhizome, a figure for systems that begin in medias res with no discernible beginning or end and that operate on a principle of horizontal, unpredictable proliferation. The fact that our current moment, with its proliferation of technological networks, is more rhizomatic, doesn’t mean that rootedness no longer appeals to people. On the contrary, perhaps now more than ever, people have legitimate reasons for feeling alienated from the world and from one another — the greater the level of alienation, the more precious roots become.
Today, people across the world face an array of uprooting and alienating forces: the Syrian refugee crisis, Islamist terrorism, immigration, the identity-dissolving tendency of the European Union, global competition, capitalist uniformization and immersive, digital loneliness. Not coincidentally, each of these has been answered in its own way with an appeal to rootedness or, rather, re-enrootment. One hears in Donald Trump and Marine Le Pen’s speeches the same longing for a rerooting of their national cultures. A celebration of roots is a central motivation for those who wish to keep Confederate symbols and emblems of a specific white heritage in the public space. Paradoxically, this longing can also be heard in calls for the recuperation of minority histories, of suppressed voices and of the dignity of history’s victims.
While patriotic nationalism is usually imagined as the polar opposite of diversity-focused multiculturalism, the proponents of each actually have very similar motivations and desires. Each group hopes to preserve or recuperate a sense of rootedness in something. Given the great confusion about how to celebrate one’s own roots without insulting someone else’s, this struggle will certainly continue in the coming decades.
The nation, of course, is still a meaningful unit. For centuries, people have died, and continue to die, for their nations. No one, on the other hand, will ever be willing to die for “global,” as a friend of mine wisely put it. In fact, globalism seems to challenge the very possibility of rootedness, at least the kind that once relied on nation-states for its symbolic power. How will people be rooted in the future if global networks replace nations? Through bloodlines? Ideologies? Shared cultural practices? Elective affinities? Will we become comfortable rooting ourselves in rootlessness?
These questions go hand in hand with uncertainties about the health of the planet. Our relationship with the earth is fraught with anxiety, if the sustained interest in the Anthropocene and other manifestations of humanity’s self-excision from the natural world is any indication.
Efforts to repair a broken circuit with the planet include the push for outdoor preschools, which seek to restore the umbilical connection between children and Mother Earth by delivering them back to their natural habitat. It is telling that Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Waldorf education, often made analogies between children and plants in his writings. In his view, plants model the cosmic embeddedness necessary for human happiness and thus offer children a living example of resistance to the uprooting forces that constitute modernity.
Throughout history, many philosophers — including, for example, Montesquieu, Rousseau, and Heidegger — have believed that the land and climate of a particular region impart certain characteristics to its inhabitants, whose temperaments, language, and cultural production are heavily influenced by the topographical, meteorological, and botanical features of the place. This bioregionalism resembles the French concept of terroir, a term used in agriculture and gastronomy to describe the relationship between flavor and place. But does the same hold true for humans?
A desire for roots and rootedness may be acquiring a new importance in the new global tangle, where certainties are hard to come by. But I wonder sometimes if this root-oriented thinking actually causes many of the problems whose solutions we can’t seem to find. Think of your own roots and how much of your identity relies on them. How many things that trouble or anger you relate in some way, if only peripherally, to this rootedness? If you were to suddenly discover that you were mistaken about your roots, would you trade in your Lederhosen for a kilt? How negotiable is your sense of self? How much do your roots determine your actions? What if you’d been born with someone else’s roots, say, those of your enemy?
Each person will have different answers to these questions. And yet there is something universal about rootedness as well. All people seek a context into which they may enfold themselves. If we truly are wired for connectedness, we’ve gotten our wish in a sense; our unprecedented system of networks has shrunk the globe and at least offered the possibility for new kinds of continuity and growth. But it remains to be seen how this connectivity will be reconciled with individual identities, with old brands of embeddedness, and with nostalgia for the first garden.
Now in print: “The Stone Reader: Modern Philosophy in 133 Arguments,” an anthology of essays from The Times’s philosophy series, edited by Peter Catapano and Simon Critchley, published by Liveright Books.
Christy Wampole is an assistant professor in the department of French and Italian at Princeton, and the author of “Rootedness: The Ramifications of a Metaphor” and “The Other Serious: Essays for the New American Generation.”

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Cowardice 2 and 1

Cowardice Part Two

Cowards never meditate on cowardice. Only the braves do that. 

Having a strong instinct for self-preservation is not always laudable, certainly not for the braves. To them, dignity and pride and self-acceptance trump self-preservation.

Unlike lower forms of life, Man is an animal not always shackled and hampered by Instinct. 

When transcending Instinct and being indifferent to Life, Man begins to acquire a certain Pride and Nobility. 

In most cultures, Warrior-Kings and or Philosopher-Kings command the most admiration and affection. It's not how we live that always gives meaning to Life. it's how we die. 

The heroic freedom fighters who are currently risking their limbs and lives in fighting against the oppressive and rapacious VC regime are not fearful of the VC, but are fearful that their lives lack meaning. They cannot stand idly while the VC regime is destroying Vietnam. These heroic freedom fighters are real men and women, not sheep awaiting slaughter or slaves willing to live in shame.

Ask yourself a question: Are you real humans, or are you sheep and slaves? 

Remember these points:

1. Tyrants and dictators despise and laugh at sheep and slaves and cowards. To be weak is to invite attack. To be submissive is to be unjustly ruled. Forever.

2. Vietnamese people, it's time to rise up and reclaim your Life and your Dignity!

3. We all have to die sooner or later. Meanwhile we must live a life full of Pride.

Bravery and Cowards are more than labels/semantics/language games. They are intimately related to reflections/meditations as to what the hell I'm doing on this planet since I know I'm going to die anyway

Cowards are usually lazy and full of excuses. Bravery is more than just physical. It involves the ability and willingness to change. 

Enough said.


May 28, 2016

Cowardice Part One

I used to have a big issue with cowardice. I wasn't brave, but I didn't want to be a coward. There lay the problem. To be brave, one must be really crazy and cocksure of oneself. I wasn't really crazy although I had tried to be, and I lacked self-confidence. So the problem simmered and stayed on. 

In my early and middle adolescence, I had my share of fistfights with neighborhood  kids and classmates. I lost more than I won. The reason for that ignominious record was that I was skinny and not strong because I was underfed. Food was not plentiful in my large household. Dad was only a breadwinner. His salary was meager, barely enough to get his eight children, him and Mom sheltered, clothed and fed. I was always hungry. In my sleep, I dreamed of feasts in which I ate meat and delectable fruits to my heart's content. Now, I can afford fine dining and sumptuous meals, but I rarely indulge in them. Ironically, food is now not a big thing. I eat simply and heartily as I used to do in my distant past, in a land tens of thousands of miles away. 

Something happened in the summer of 1967, a few months before my turning eighteen. I was falling in love with a beautiful , French-speaking girl named Agnes with long flowing hair. Or so I thought. But I was a diffident, confidence-deprived coward. I was unsure of myself. Besides, I was concerned that my feelings for her would interfere with my university schooling. So I stayed away from her while my heart was aching, throbbing, pining for her night and day, like a coward that I was. At the end of my first year in college, a bright, sexy, but homely-looking classmate named Laura who also spoke French, helped me put Agnes out of my mind. I went out with Laura for three years. They could be the best years of my life as far as Love was concerned. I loved Laura. I could die for her. And I thought Laura loved me. But I was wrong, dreadfully and almost fatally wrong. 

After Laura, I went through a turbulent but fruitful period during which I lost my idealism. I was no longer a coward. I was no longer a bashful, shy, diffident dude. I acquired an in-your-face aggressiveness. I read a lot of history, philosophy, psychology, literature, and anthropology. I exercised. I studied languages. I discovered several truisms: 

1. Love is conditional and circumstantial. 
2. To be loved one must make oneself lovable. 
3. Love is simply an amalgamation of affection and admiration. 

After I discovered these truisms, women started flocking to me. Agnes and Laura became distant memories. Death was not an issue to be avoided. I confronted it head-on. Meanwhile I went through wives and concubines with abandon. 

Now I must say I have courage. I'm not afraid to die or kill. I'm not fearful of solitude, prison, or ostracism. I don't believe in God. And I look at the world through a prism constructed of cynicism and an awareness that Life is an accidental process and Man is an animal driven mostly by biological imperatives, power and recognition, and very faintly by Love. 

When I close my eyes for good and heave my last breath, I'll be comforted by a thought that in looking back on my life, there were two, maybe three, women who really loved me; one of them was a Vietnamese, one was a Filipina, and one was an American Jewish woman scholar, 6'1" tall. 

May 27, 2016
Wissai

Friday, May 27, 2016

Cowardice

Cowardice 

I used to have a big issue with cowardice. I wasn't brave, but I didn't want to be a coward. There lay the problem. To be brave, one must be really crazy and cocksure of oneself, I think. I wasn't really crazy although I had tried to be, and I lacked self-confidence. So the problem simmered and stayed on. 

In my early and middle adolescence, I had my share of fistfights with neighborhood  kids and classmates. I lost more than I won. The reason for that ignominious record was that I was skinny and not strong because I was underfed. Food was not plentiful in my large household. Dad was an only breadwinner. His salary was meager, barely enough to get his eight children, him and Mom sheltered, clothed and fed. I was always hungry. In my sleep, I dreamed of feasts in which I ate meat and delectable fruits to my heart's content. Now, I can afford fine dining and sumptuous meals, but I rarely indulge in them. Ironically, food is now not a big thing. I eat simply and heartily as I used to do in my distant past, in a land tens of thousands of miles away. 

Something happened in the summer of 1967, a few months before my turning eighteen. I was falling in love with a beautiful , French-speaking girl named Agnes with long flowing hair. Or so I thought. But I was a diffident, confidence-deprived coward. I was unsure of myself. Besides, I was concerned that my feelings for her would interfere with my university schooling. So I stayed from her while my heart was aching, throbbing, pining for her night and day, like a coward that I was. At the end of my first year in college, a bright, sexy, but homely-looking classmate named Laura helped me put Agnes out of my mind. I went out with Laura for three years. They could be the best years of my life as far as Love was concerned. I loved Laura. I could die for her. And I thought Laura loved me. But I was wrong, dreadfully and almost fatally wrong. 

After Laura, I went through a turbulent but fruitful period during which I lost my idealism. I was no longer a coward. I was no longer a bashful, shy, diffident dude. I acquired an in-your-face aggressiveness. I read a lot of philosophy, psychology, literature, and anthropology. I exercised. I studied languages. I discovered a truism: To be loved I must make myself lovable. To me, Love was simply an amalgamation of affection and admiration. Women started flocking to me. Agnes and Laura became distant memories. Death was not an issue to be avoided. I confronted it head-on. 

Now I must say I've courage. I am not afraid to die or kill. I am not fearful of solitude, prison, or ostracism. I don't believe in God. And I look at the world through a prism constructed of cynicism and an awareness that Life is an accident and Man is an animal driven mostly by biological imperatives, power and recognition, and very faintly by Love. Meanwhile I went through wives, girlfriends, and concubines with abandon. 

When I close my eyes for good and heave my last breath, I'll be comforted by a thought that in looking back on my life, there were two, maybe three, women who really loved me; one of them was a Vietnamese, one was a Filipina, and one was an American Jewish woman scholar, 6'1" tall. 

May 27, 2016
Wissai

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

How To Use Smartphone Overseas

The summer travel season will soon be upon us, with notions of escape, unplugging and faraway lands.
But while the idea of disconnecting from technology when abroad seems relaxing, the stress of visiting a foreign country without a smartphone connection can quickly counteract the benefits of a digital detox. After landing in an unfamiliar place, you may realize that an inability to look up mobile maps or places to eat on a phone can be crippling. Relying on a printed tourist guide may feel primitive and immediately inform muggers that you are holding lots of cash.
So what to do? There are two ways to take your cellphone abroad and get data — the frugal way and the pay-full-price way. The inexpensive method involves some tinkering and planning ahead, while the full-price way is easy but requires paying even more money to your carrier.
First, the full-price option. For many years, American wireless customers have been able to pay extra to their carrier for international roaming, or the ability to seamlessly use a foreign network. Among other options, AT&T sells an international package with a modest amount of data (800 megabytes, enough to last about a week) for $120, and Verizon Wireless charges $10 a day for roaming in many countries. And in recent years, T-Mobile USA and Sprint began offering free international roaming, but with a caveat: The data speeds are very slow.
Toni Toikka, chief executive of Alekstra, a research firm that analyzes cellphone bills, said he finally caved in to paying AT&T an extra $120 whenever he traveled abroad after growing tired of juggling multiple cellphones and SIM cards when in Europe and New York.
“After all the frustration, they finally got me,” Mr. Toikka said. Paying AT&T or Verizon some extra money is the most convenient option for taking a smartphone abroad, he said.
For frugal travelers, there are some smart alternatives if they are willing to do a bit of homework.
To get a good deal, bring an “unlocked” smartphone, which is a phone not restricted to use with one carrier, into a foreign carrier’s store, buy a data package and insert its SIM card into the phone. (In wireless industry jargon, these are called prepaid international SIM cards.) Even better, some overseas carriers let you order a SIM card ahead of time so you can get it before your trip or have it delivered to your hotel.
Here is a guide to taking your smartphone abroad on the cheap, including analyses by Alekstra on the costs of mobile services in five popular travel destinations: China, Japan, Britain, France and Spain.
Unlocking Your Smartphone
First and foremost, to use a foreign carrier’s SIM card, you usually have to unlock your smartphone or buy a cheap unlocked phone. Typically, when you buy a new smartphone, it comes locked so you can use it with only one carrier. After you have fully paid off the phone, you can ask the carrier unlock it.
Consider an AT&T iPhone 6S: After paying the $650 for the device, you can go to AT&T’s website to request an unlock. In my experience with unlocking a used iPhone 6 that I bought from a friend, AT&T’s system took a few minutes to process the request and then notified me that the phone was unlocked.
Each carrier’s unlocking process can be found online with a web search. Verizon generally does not lock newer smartphones, but you should call customer service to check that yours is unlocked before traveling. Sprint requires requesting the unlock through customer service on its website or over the phone. T-Mobile offers an app for Android users to ask for an unlock; otherwise, you can contact T-Mobile on the phone or through a web chat to request it.
Alternatively, you can buy a cheap unlocked phone. Motorola offers its second-generation Moto G, a well-reviewed cheap Android phone, for about $150 on Amazon.
Download Apps for Messaging
If you get a foreign SIM card, you will be using a different phone number from your regular one. To simplify taking a smartphone abroad, we recommend ignoring traditional phone and texting services and relying on free communication services that rely purely on data connections.
There are many data-based apps for messaging and calling. WhatsApp, the messaging company acquired by Facebook, is a reliable service that can be used in most countries for placing phone calls or sending messages over a data connection.
In China, the messaging app WeChat is popular.
Apple iPhones include iMessage and FaceTime, services for sending messages and placing calls over a data connection. If someone wants to contact you, tell them to use one of those services.
China
Once you have freed your smartphone of carrier restrictions and downloaded a messaging app, it’s time to find a service package for wherever you are traveling. Mr. Toikka recommends buying service from well-known carriers in each country because they are more reliable than off-brand carriers.
For China, the big carriers are China Mobile and China Unicom. Both carriers sell a package in their stores that includes one gigabyte of data for $20.40 — enough for a two-week trip.
For a longer visit, you might consider the two-gigabyte package offered by both carriers for $24.90.
If you want to buy a SIM card before the trip, on China Unicom’s website you can order a SIM card including one gigabyte of data for $25 or two gigabytes for $35 and have it delivered to your hotel.
Japan
In Japan, Mr. Toikka recommended considering the carrier eConnect. It sells a one-gigabyte package that can be used for 15 days for $25.95. For a longer visit, it offers a three-gigabyte package for $40.64 that is valid for 30 days.
What’s more, you can order the eConnect SIM card ahead of time on the company’s website and schedule a delivery date to your hotel.
France
In France, Orange offers a two-gigabyte package in its stores for $33.60. That is its largest data offering, but if you run out of data, you can always buy another two gigs. If you order online, Orange offers a “holiday” SIM card that includes one gigabyte of data for $44.86.
Spain
In Spain, Vodafone offers three cheap options in its stores. Its one-gigabyte package costs $11.20, the 1.5 gigabyte option costs $16.80, and the two-gigabyte option costs $22.40. Each of the packages works for 30 days. We would recommend the 1.5-gigabyte option for a one-week trip, the two-gigabyte package for a two- to three-week trip and the two-gigabyte option for a four-week visit.
Britain
In Britain, the carrier EE offers a handful of options in its stores, including a two-gigabyte package for $21.75 and a four-gigabyte package for $36.25. Both plans are valid for 30 days.
Bottom Line
We recommend foreign SIM cards with a few caveats. If you are traveling to multiple countries — among Britain, France and Spain, for example — you will need a separate SIM card for each country, and the costs will add up quickly. In that situation, contacting AT&T and Verizon to set up international roaming or tolerating T-Mobile and Sprint’s slow data speeds may be better than the extra trouble of juggling multiple SIMs.
Or if you are a business traveler with a good expense account, paying for AT&T’s or Verizon’s international packages are headache-free options. Verizon also offers its $10-a-day TravelPass for roaming in more than 100 countries — a nice option, though the cost will pile up during a longer trip.
Otherwise, you can save a lot of money and get a lot more high-speed data by planning ahead and buying a foreign SIM card.

Correction: May 25, 2016
This article has been revised to reflect the following correction: An earlier version of this article misstated the recommended gigabyte option for Spain. The recommended option is 1.5 gigabytes for one week and two gigabytes for a two- to three-week trip, not the reverse.

Trumping on Eggshells by FRANK Bruni, NYT columnist 5/25/16

I recently asked a good friend where her boss stood on Donald Trump.
This wasn’t an idle question. Her boss gives big money to Republican candidates. He’s both power broker and weather vane. And she talks politics with him all the time.
But she has no idea about him and Trump. She hasn’t inquired, because she doesn’t want to know. She’s fond of her boss. She respects him. But what if he’s made peace with a candidate who called for a ban on all Muslims entering the United States, mocked a disabled journalist, belittled John McCain’s experience as a prisoner of war, praised Vladimir Putin’s thuggish leadership style, complimented the Chinese government on its brutal handling of the uprising in Tiananmen Square, made misogynistic remarks galore and boasted during a debate about the size of his penis?
She can’t go there.
I understand.
I have many relatives who loyally vote Republican, regardless of their excitement about the particular nominee. There’s a definite chance that some of them back Trump. So I steer clear of talk about this election, though we’ve spoken plenty — and placidly — about every other election.
One of these relatives routinely pushes back at any Trump-negative columns I write, and I’ve convinced myself that he’s just baiting me and playing devil’s advocate. I’ve never said to him, point blank, “Are you actually voting for Trump?” And I won’t. It’s my goal to get to and through Election Day without learning the truth.
There are various measures of the chilling singularity of Trump’s candidacy, including the last two Republican presidents’ announcement that they won’t be attending their party’s convention, all the prominent G.O.P. donors who have publicly rejected Trump and the stubborn drumbeat among some Republicans for a third-party challenger, if only as a means to assure Hillary Clinton’s victory. These are extraordinary developments. We mustn’t forget that.
But another gauge of this freaky interlude is the number of us who are steadfastly avoiding conversations we’d normally have. We pride ourselves on not letting political arguments disrupt personal relationships. We have friends across the ideological spectrum. We esteem leaders from both parties. We value a healthy give-and-take.
But we can’t fit Trump into that. He’s a disagreement too far, an enthusiasm too bizarre. So we’re treading lightly and maneuvering around him. We’re Trumping on eggshells.
That’s not the same as burying our heads in the sand, and it’s not a squandered opportunity to dissuade someone from Trump. Most Trump supporters aren’t ignorant of the litany I presented above. They’ve decided not to be bothered by it. They’ve crafted a counterargument. I’ve heard it.
At least he’s not Clinton, they say. True. Neither is Kim Kardashian. Shall we elect her? Her husband, Kanye West, has said that he might run in 2020. Let’s accelerate the timetable and speed the couple to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Trump has a furtive decency and unsung sensitive side, or so his boosters claim. They cite his relationship with his grown children. You know who else is an obviously loving and beloved parent? Clinton. You know who had a strained relationship with his kids? Ronald Reagan. If that wasn’t a mark against him, why is the opposite a gold star for Trump?
But Trump will be a competent executive! Let’s assume that’s so. Will he be executing a Muslim ban? In that case, wouldn’t incompetence be preferable?
Enough about the Muslim ban, his accommodators respond: He doesn’t believe in three-quarters of what he puts out there. It’s all theater.
Great! So what does he believe in? Are we supposed to guess and hope for the best? And will his theatrical impulse dissipate when he takes the oath of office? Or will it flare now and again, sending markets into turmoil and ships into battle?
With Clinton, they say, we get the status quo. With Trump we get disruption.
Possibly. But disruption cuts many different ways. And Trump’s particular disruption could leave us in shreds.
To some of us, Trump is a fundamentally unserious person, and thus a dangerous one. To others, he’s a vessel of grievance and protest, and that’s enough. The chasm between those viewpoints isn’t easily bridged. So we take detours around it. They’re as elaborate as cloverleafs.
Friends have asked me about the leanings of other friends, because they shudder to find out for themselves. Relatives have grilled me on other relatives. I’m acquainted with anti-Trump Republicans who have purged the billionaire from their discourse with Trump-acquiescent Republicans, simply so they can press on.
There will be epic ugliness in the foreground of this election. But pockets of silence in the background will be just as unsettling, because they’ll reflect a despair and bafflement beyond words.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Self and Others (unfiltered version)

Self and Others (unfiltered version)

Leslie picked me up at the pier terminal right on schedule. I was one of the first passengers that got off the ship. Leslie was punctual, as usual. As soon as I got into her black Lexus, she got right down to business after a few perfunctory questions about my yearly Caribbean cruise.

-"Met anybody interesting?"

-"No, but not for lack of trying!"

-"You, lecher you. My dear, you're getting less handsome and bigger around the waist. You're not the same Roberto I met three years ago when I first interviewed you. I hope you're noticing that."

-"I'm. Shit, I ate too much rich food on the ship. I'll go on a diet and do more running. I promise.

-"You'd better. I read the latest story you posted on the Net, the one called "Love and Survival". Any truth in that? I don't like the ending. Did Carmen get on the plane for Cartagena?"

-"If you have to ask, you missed the point of the story. All the clues for the ending were established throughout the story. I thought you majored in Literature, besides Journalism, in college. As I was writing the story, two lines of advice reigned supreme in the forefront of my consciousness: 'There must be an unconscious of a story. It must have something underneath.'"

-"So, enlighten me!"

-I won't. But I'm going to talk around it. You see, story-telling, or writing poetry, doing the so-called literature, is not easy. You must have a gift for it. I don't know if I have the gift. It doesn't matter if I do or not. What matters to me is I'm drawn to stories and poems, and sometimes I feel compelled to express myself in them. That's all. Some stupid, idiotic assholes who cannot write a coherent, single sentence in their mother tongue Vietnamese, and yet shamelessly mock my efforts and keep talking about how come I haven't won any literary prizes for my literary efforts. They are too stupid to realize that they're venting, airing in public their envy and their sense of inadequacy and inferiority. Ditto for the assholes like Paul Van and TamiKaKa who don't know shit about Spanish and English, respectively, but brazenly put in writing on the Net that they do. They've brought upon themselves humiliation and shame, but since they are basically sub-humans, they don't know what humiliation and shame are all about. What they have in abundance, however, are stupid lies and false pride. 

Of all the assholes I've encountered in my life, none has nauseated me as much as TamiKaKa. This little doggie is revolting, repugnant, repulsive beyond imagination. It hides its leprous, pathetic nature behind polite but biting words. It even ventured a hideously ignorant opinion that smart students would enroll in technical fields, whereas only flunkies would opt for liberal arts in Vietnam because there are no entrance exam requirements in the latter fields. 

The little doggie has failed to see that in the final analysis, education is not all about training students to become technicians who could easily get jobs. Education is about training students how to think in a rigorous, logical manner. In essence most technicians like doctors, engineers, and the like, are glorified workers. They keep the machinery of society running, but they don't contribute, enrich the human thoughts, or revolutionize human thinking unless they're exceptional scientists and deep thinkers like those in the liberal arts. In the long run, the philosophers, historians, poets, writers, musicians, and politicians define, shape, and direct the human experiences and ultimately destinies. 

Take the case of Jesus of Nazareth. Here was a guy who was no doubt a rebel, a failed politician, a slightly (some would even say very much so) demented revolutionary, uneducated, but by the sheer force of his personality and character, made a very big impact on people around him. If you ignore/put aside/ dismiss all the nonsensical alleged pronouncements of his about God, Son of God, Salvation, Kingdom to come, and the so-called miracles he allegedly performed that only the benighted and the brainwashed would believe in, and concentrate on his message of Love for the poor and the outcasts, you would see that this very message really moved people and has kept Christianity alive and relevant to this day

Ditto for Buddha, Muhammad, and Socrates. None of them was a person with technical knowledge, but they were all thinkers par excellence. Only an idiotic little cur like TamiKaKa would glorify folks with technical knowledge. The little doggie has failed to realize that a great majority of technicians die like dogs, leaving no lasting memory with posterity whereas poets, writers, musicians, warriors, philosophers, and thinkers would be remembered fondly if they are very good. And to be human is to try to leave a positive legacy and to be remembered. All humans want to express themselves, some dramatically, others slyly, but we all want to be heard, known, and remembered. The difference among us lies in the quality of the message that each of us wants to deliver. To me, there's no doubt that the message of TamiKaKa is full of "sound and fury, signifying nothing", reflecting the mind of an bumbling, ignorant idiot. 

Back to story-writing, if you think it's easy to write a story, any story, just try to do it yourself and you will see how difficult it is. First, you must have something to say, a point to make. Then you construct your narrative around this point, to get your point, your message across. Meanwhile you have to be concerned that you wouldn't lose your reader in the process. You must tell your story in such a way to maintain the reader's interest. Finally, the conclusion/point of the story must be feasible enough so that the reader doesn't feel cheated. In other words, the ending shouldn't be contrived. A mark of a good story is that the reader is shaken/delighted/ with the unforeseen/ambiguous, but feasible ending. It forces him to think again of the journey he has just vicariously taken. So he goes back rereading the story, this time more leisurely to savor the words and the narrative that he didn't fully get at the first reading. And if the story is really, really good, a few days or weeks/months later, he revisits the story like visiting an old dear friend. He knows what his old friend would say and act, but he still finds the visit pleasurable and uplifting. Of course, there's a question of taste involved. Not all stories are of the same genre, just like not all humans are of the same, unvaried personality. Generally, we only like and appreciate what we can identify and understand. I cannot stand stories about horror or science fiction. I don't read them and I don't write them. 

-"OK, garrulous, long-winded old man. I heard you. Gee, can't you be brief and concise? So, what's your next story about? "

-"I don't know. A story comes to me on its own. I don't go look for it. I'll be travel again, in June around the British Isles and Ireland.  In November in Dubai and India. Maybe something will happen during these times, triggering in me a desire to tell a story."

-"Will you travel solo again or in the company of some woman I don't know about?"

-"You're asking too many questions. I'm not popular with women as I've pretended to be. You're the only female friend that I have."

-"You liar! What's about Salomé, the stupid Cuban bitch you told me about, who called you while you were making love to me?"

-"She's history. Sad, tragic history. I'm in mourning. I'm waiting for the right time to break the news to you. She was on the Egyptian Air flight that went down in the Mediterranean last Thursday. Her daughter called me last night"

-"Oh, my God. No kidding? I'm so sorry, Roberto. I really am. Oh, my God. No wonder you look like shit."

May 20, 2016

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Among the Healers by Diana Spechler

Note by Wissai:

Reality only comes to you by your own efforts. But first, you must have courage, patience, and yes, faith, not in others but in yourself. Mind is both the slayer and the healer. I've been there. I know. 

Among The Healers by Diana Spechler

TONALÁ, MEXICO — We arrive at noon and take our numbers. The more motivated, having traveled from all over Mexico, began showing up at 3 a.m. About half of the 80 people ahead of us sit in the long waiting room on benches that line the walls, while others stand clustered outside or kill the long hours wandering around Tonalá, a suburb of Guadalajara known for its artisans, its streets edged with handmade furniture, vases as tall as men, mushrooms constructed of shiny tiles. Rafael, the healer, has been receiving one visitor after another since 5. That’s what he does every day except Sunday, every week of his life.

To see Rafael, you pay one peso to get your number and then 20 more pesos once you make it into his room. That’s roughly $1.25 — a good deal, compared with a $200 reiki session in Manhattan.

Working in central Mexico this year, I’ve met many healers and shamans: the one who runs sweat lodges in his front yard, the one who can detect water underground with sticks, the one who swung a pendulum in front of me and announced that I only 45 percent love myself.
I watched one shaman give another shaman a hairless puppy in a cardboard box. I met one who is celibate and another who prayed for three wives and another who’s romantically involved with his therapist and another who cures illness with bees.

One looked at my palm and told me that my heart was broken. I’ve watched several wrap red cloth around their heads and cough out bad spirits. I’ve smelled a lot of burning sage. I’ve heard assessments of my aura. Once, when I had a bad cold, a shaman snapped my picture with his iPhone and showed me the dark entity hovering over my shoulder.

But none of those people are pilgrimage destinations. Only Rafael, according to his regulars, sees 8,000 to 12,000 people a month.

I sit with my boyfriend, Churro, on a bench. Churro is Mexican and in the know about healers. “You need to meet Rafael,” he told me recently after watching me stare into space for 15 minutes. Because I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since July, or a great one since my anxiety began manifesting as insomnia 13 years ago. I’ve grown used to a fuzzy reality, a surreal waking life that’s reminiscent of dreaming — wand-bearing children appearing mysteriously before me, clouds forming faces, a plate I didn’t know I was holding falling from my hand and shattering.
Beside us, a woman opens a mirror with one hand and draws her eyebrows on with the other. Watching her reflection, she tells us that when her neighbor was dying, Rafael showed up to perform last rites, looked at the dying man, said, “He’ll survive,” and left. The woman smiles. She says: “That was years ago. That man is still alive today.”

The cabdriver who picked us up in Guadalajara knew Rafael, too, and spoke of him with similar reverence: Rafael cured his daughter’s anxiety. The source of her panic attacks, Rafael had explained when he met her, was a jealous co-worker who had been performing rituals to sabotage her.

I’m riveted by these stories. But I’m also incredulous. I’m too uncertain, or perhaps too intellectually lazy, to declare myself an atheist, but I would never call myself spiritual, either. To my ear, “spiritual” sounds like slang for “religious” or a euphemism for “logical fallacy.”
And yet, I like people who believe in magic. I admire their certainty in something far more compelling than reality. I would love to share their conviction; as believers will tell you, belief is half the battle. You want to recover? Believe that you can.

I desperately want to recover. How nice it would be to believe my way to health, then sleep through the nights anxiety-free. But I don’t believe that belief is a choice. Rather, it’s the opposite: As soon as you “choose,” you’ve given up on believing; you’re controlling the narrative instead of surrendering to it.

I am the daughter of a scientist (“There absolutely are plants with healing properties,” my dad told me recently, “but they’re not as strong as, say, chemo”). I am the product of American academia (I often get sound bites from college trapped in my head like songs: Correlation does not imply causation … That is not a responsible sample size … Please give evidence to support your argument). Also, I am a Jew. What was missing from my childhood religious education, though, and what I imagine is missing from the organized religious educations of many, was an honest answer to the question “Why?”

Why must we pray to someone we can’t see?

Instead I learned to cover my knees in synagogue, to be quiet and sit still through sermons that I found boring as a kid and in retrospect find embarrassingly trite. I learned how important it was that I marry a Jew. I learned some beautiful rituals, too, but I had no idea what the point of them was, or if I was taught the point (“We light the Sabbath candles every week to call in the Sabbath”), the logic seemed circular and — once I was old enough to question the premises — downright unsound.

Consequently, as a Jew who doesn’t care about keeping her knees covered, who never married a fellow Jew or anyone else, who has no interest in staying quiet, I’ve often felt guilty for not participating in the religion I was raised in, or, if I do participate, confused and out of place. I stopped practicing Judaism not long after I moved to New York in my late 20s, and like everything I’ve ever grappled with for many years before leaving, once I left, I didn’t miss it.
And yet.

I miss something. Or maybe: Something is missing.

When I try to shape my life into a story, one version is a long journey to relieve my depression, anxiety and insomnia. I see a child on Prozac, a teenager eating psychedelic mushrooms, a young adult falling in love with a snowboarder, writing poems about the grief of wanting a man who’s always speeding away.

I see all the therapists I’ve faced off with: one who wore Lee Press-On Nails and fake eyelashes that made her look constantly astonished; another who hypothesized that I was a reincarnated Holocaust victim; one who, 10 minutes after meeting me, gave me a diagnosis of bipolar disorder while eating an apple and cheese. I see acupuncturists jamming needles into my heels, a yoga mat unfurling again and again, bupropion, Klonopin, trazodone, lorazepam, Zoloft, Sam-e, St. John’s wort, boxes upon boxes of Advil PM.

I see all the beds I’ve slept in, or haven’t been able to sleep in, or haven’t been able to get out of when the sun shone through the window. I see hot-pink ear plugs and terry cloth eye masks and something called Yogi Bedtime Tea — three bags of it steeping in a mug of boiled water. I see a brief stint in Israel with the Orthodox Jews and I see a life coach showing me a chart indicating that these are the important things: health, relationships, work and spirituality, the last of which, he explains to me, is severely, frighteningly lacking in my life.

And now, here I am waiting six hours to see a protégé of Jesus, a man who was studying for the priesthood before he left to work as a healer. I am waiting to receive a laying-on of hands. Because maybe. Because who knows. Because Jesus was also a Jew. Because nothing else I’ve tried has worked. Because I’ve tried almost everything.

The woman on the other side of us, wearing rhinestone-studded glasses, starts relaying her life story. She was forced to marry when she was 12. She has six children. When she first became a mother, she was so young, she played with her daughter and the other neighborhood kids in the streets. Now, in her 50s, she’s a great-grandmother and (thanks to Rafael, she says) a lymphatic cancer survivor. She shows us photos of her children — including one of her depressed daughter. Rafael put an end to her daughter’s suicide attempts, she says, just by looking at the photo.

I ask her what she would have liked to do with her life had she never had kids. She thinks about it for a few seconds. “I probably would have adopted some,” she says.
“Are you sick?” she asks me kindly.
“No,” I say, embarrassed by the insignificance of my problems.
“Yes, she is,” Churro says.
“Only in my mind,” I concede, which sounds stupid to me as soon as I say it. Suddenly I feel like the embodiment of the dumbest parts of American culture — those insufferable people who talk about “vibes,” suggest meditation as a cure for everything, say, My passion is travel.
“Don’t worry,” the woman tells me, patting my hand. “Rafa will help you.”

About four hours into our wait, a woman in a fitted pink pantsuit struts into the room, heavily made-up, her hair pulled into a complex updo. She greets people as though they’re her party guests, doling out hugs, cupping faces in her hands.

Soon after, a young woman walks in holding a bouquet of metallic-colored balloons. She approaches the altar outside Rafael’s door — statues of the angels Raphael, Gabriel and Michael (someone has blindfolded the devil whom Michael’s fighting); a wineglass of red wine; a wineglass of water; a Bible; a dead-eyed baby Jesus — and adds the balloons to the mix. Then she sets about mopping the floor, singing hymns of praise.

A man walks to the center of the room, farts so loudly I think I’ve imagined it, and takes a seat.
Soon we start talking with a hulking man in his early 20s. He has a sweet and gentle face and wears a tie-dyed T-shirt. He says he suffers hallucinations. He sees devils and dragons. When he was a child, an evil elf entered his body and predicted that he would have a terrible car accident, which, seven years ago, he did. He’s epileptic and highly medicated and says his medication leaves him feeling like a zombie. He says that he’s always found comfort in watching cartoons, but lately he can’t even do that. He can watch for 15 minutes or so, but then the characters come to life, leave the screen, become too real.

Before this year, I never thought of caginess as a particularly American trait, but in Mexico, I’m frequently struck by how many people relay the sordid details of their lives without apology. This aspect of Mexico, more than anything else apart from the sunshine, has offered me relief: I like reminders that my pain doesn’t exist in isolation. Moreover, candor makes sense to me. Confession strikes me as crucial to mental health, but I’ve always considered it a subversive act. Here, the subversion feels absent; subsequently, so does shame.

Before he goes in to see Rafael, I ask the guy in the tie-dyed shirt if he’s ever been given antipsychotic medication.
“Yes,” he says.
“And how did you react to it?” I ask, thinking I’ve solved his problem: Of course he’s just schizophrenic. Of course antipsychotics will help.
He sighs. “Well,” he says, “I tried to kill my brother.”

You never know how much time Rafael will allot you. Some people wait all day, disappear into his room, and re-emerge in under a minute. During other visits, those waiting outside pray a whole rosary and then start fidgeting, sighing, checking their watches. The guy with the hallucinations is in and out in seconds. He looks pissed off and complains to the woman in the pink pantsuit. Apparently, Rafael told him he had to return seven more times, and then made a cryptic promise: During one of the seven visits, Rafael would feel moved to speak and give him advice.
“Just trust,” the woman in pink says, beaming.
“Trust! What can he do for me? Can he tell me how to fight a devil?”
Once he leaves, I turn to the woman in pink, who seems to be the unofficial Rafael spokeswoman, who will, on a subsequent visit, draw a chart for me so I understand: The holy spirit is on the top of the hierarchy. Then the father. Then Jesus. Then Rafael. I ask her, “What do you call Rafael? I’ve never heard a Catholic healer referred to as a shaman. So what is he?”
“Rafael?” she says, her eyes glazing over. “He is not an ordinary man.” At this moment, a nearby church starts setting off firecrackers, a familiar part of the cacophony of Mexico. “Rafael es un hombre de dios,” she says.
Rafael is a man of God.
Rafael is short. His hair is clipped into a crew cut. A belly strains his yellow polo shirt, which he wears tucked into belted pants. He could be any dude enjoying casual Friday at the office, except that an enormous silver crucifix hangs from his neck. Like many of the healers I’ve met in Mexico, Rafael has strange and mesmerizing eyes. They’re dark brown, a little loose in their sockets, as if they’re not quite strapped in.

A whole wall of his room is a display case: more Jesus and angel statues, lit by pink and blue spotlights. The religious music blasting from his boom box reminds me of the white noise machines you find in psychotherapists’ offices.
“What’s the problem?” Rafael asks me.
My Spanish is a work in progress, but Churro translates for me. We tell Rafael that I can’t sleep, that when the sun is shining, I feel mostly O.K., but at night, I become a different person as I lie awake for hours in the dark: My heart pounds. Every aspect of my life feels unmanageable. I have ideations of my own death.
“Do you want me to help you?”
I’m so touched that he asks. I waited six hours to see him, so what are the chances that I would say no? I love a man with good boundaries.
“Yes, please,” I say.
He places his hands on my head, my arms, my stomach. He tells me that’s where the sickness is — in my stomach. He tells me that I’m carrying around the resentments of two ex-boyfriends. The next time I come to see him, he’ll get more specific: On separate occasions, those men paid practitioners of black magic to curse my love life. Now I can’t find happiness in love. And subsequently, I can’t sleep. For days, I’ll turn this news over in my mind, trying to imagine a decade’s worth of exes (mostly broke artists and broke non-artists) spending their money on making me miserable. I’ll briefly enjoy the fantasy before it leaves me profoundly sad.
He tells me that I’ll need to come back a couple more times, which sets off my skepticism, until I remember that he’s making $1.25 off me per visit. My skepticism will vanish entirely at the end of the session when he refuses my 20 pesos. He’s going to make me well, he says. Today, he’ll help me 30 percent. Tonight, I’ll sleep better.

Maybe it’s the power of suggestion and the assurance in his voice, but my muscles relax. He waves his hands over my body. The quality of the air around me changes and I feel slightly woozy. Maybe this is the placebo effect, maybe it’s hope, maybe it’s Jesus working through him, maybe it’s the dream state I live in, but I recall this feeling from taking Ecstasy back in college, the first few seconds of the drug kicking in when you think you might simultaneously faint from weakness and explode from unbridled joy.

And then it’s over.

Tonight, I will not sleep 30 percent better. In a few days, I’ll meet a woman who will tell me that Rafael cured her husband in the middle of a heart attack. But for me, Rafael is not the answer. 

The supernatural is not the answer. Sleeping pills and benzos are not the answer. Psychotherapy is not the answer. Self-soothing is not the answer. Distraction is not the answer. Yoga is not the answer. I think I’m old enough to admit defeat — nothing is the answer. But there are moments that feel like the second-best thing.

We live in a world where people cite Jesus as their inspiration for denigrating the poor, for hating immigrants and gays and women, for rejecting refugees and accumulating wealth, but in a corner of this world, down a cobblestone street in the middle of Mexico, lives a man who spends his days emulating Jesus: He takes in the sick, the haunted, the marginalized, the wicked (cartel members, corrupt priests and politicians, murderers). He offers hope to those who can’t afford the health care they need. He faces those who have so little and listens to their stories of hardship. He touches them and lets them know that their lives can get better, that good can overcome evil. And maybe most important, he tells them, you’re going to be O.K.
“What do you do to take care of yourself?” I ask Rafael.
He gives me a look that says that’s a ridiculous question, dismisses me with the wave of his hand.

But then he spends the next half-hour telling us animated stories from his childhood, how he found his sister when she was lost, how he knew when his uncle’s car broke down, how he met a pregnant woman who wasn’t yet showing and announced that she would give birth to twins. “I’m not pregnant!” the woman had protested because she hadn’t wanted anyone to know.
Maybe this is what he does to take care of himself. Maybe this is what I do to take care of myself, what the people in the waiting room do to take care of themselves: We trade stories. We use them to impose meaning on our lives. Maybe that’s all spirituality is: imposing meaning on our lives.

Back in the waiting room a few people shoot us dirty looks: Who are we to consume so much of Rafael’s time? Of theirs? The lights have been dimmed. The woman in the pink pantsuit is leading everyone in prayer. The woman who brought balloons and mopped the floor is on her knees, her hands pressed together, her lips moving silently, urgently, in a language I wish I knew.

Diana Spechler is the author of the novels “Who By Fire” and “Skinny,” and the opinion series, “Going Off.” Follow her on Twitter (@DianaSpechler).

Me, Me, Me

Me, Me, Me.

My name is Roberto H. Wissai. The middle initial stands for Hawk. Like almost everything about me, Roberto Wissai is a fiction, but over the years, Wissai is what I've been known by. Hardly anybody (unless they are assholes like TamiKaKa, Traafn Bas Ddowfm, and Paul Van), including myself, cares about my legal name. I am like Mark Twain and Voltaire. The pseudonyms have stuck and stayed.  

Everyone thinks I'm burdened and laden with narcissism because I love to talk and write about myself. That may be true, but there's a world of difference between narcissism and selfishness or the more complicated terms egotism and egoism. Look them up in a big dictionary. 

We are all narcissists. The difference is whether we admit that and the degrees. We were born alone, fragile and perplexed. We grow up and process information and experiences through our senses and minds. The world is understood only through our own prisms, our perspectives. And we have an instinct for self-preservation, if we are normal and not sick in the head. 

Man is the only species that knows in advance it's going to die. I'm no exception. Actually, I'm one of the few exceptions in the sense I'd like to keep stock of what has been my life since my earliest memories, so I can come to terms with my life prior to heaving my last breath. I'd like to find meaning for my existence although I know inherently my life, like any life, has no meaning. Life, in its essence is an accidental process and devoid of meaning. Humans are the only organisms on this planet that want to know if or insist that their lives have meanings.

In looking back at my life, I have gone through and grown up with food scarcity, authoritarianism, lazy intellectual development, deception, and violence. And let's see how I have turned out, i.e., if I in fact have been a product of the environment. 

Food: 

I'm massively indifferent to it. I can eat anything edible, and don't waste food. I now can afford fine dining but I don't indulge and luxuriate in it. I eat to live, not live to eat. But that doesn't mean I do not appreciate gourmet dining. 

Authoritarianism:

I hate figures of authority. I hate rules and regulations. I'm a rebel, but I'm not an anarchist or nihilist. 

Intellectual Development:

Ironically, I developed most of my intellect after I finished my formal schooling. The more I read and study, the more arrogant and humble I become. Everyday when I look at the monkeys and apes around me or on social and political stages, I feel superior and nauseous. 

Deception:

Belatedly, very belatedly (what can I say? I am a very late bloomer. I was stupid and dumb), I arrived at a conclusion that life is a process of deception and competition for power. Almost all human apes love and strive for power. I do not. And I hate those assholes who love and strive for power.

Violence: 

I am a violent guy. I like violence. Life is very violent. Just look around or follow the news. Man is a violent ape. One of my intellectual mentors, Nietzsche, once succinctly said, "To be weak is to invite attack." I'm eternally ready and willing when opportunities for violence arrive and arise. I will have my moments of catharsis. 

Conclusion:

So am I an amiable, sweet, pleasant dude to be around? Am I a fair, just, and honest human being? Yes, yes, yes, if you are not a devious, power-hungry, stupid, ignorant son of a bitch.

At Sea. In the Gulf of Mexico 
May 21, 2016

The Undivided Warring Self

The Divided Warring Self

Leslie picked me up at the pier terminal right on schedule. I was one of the first passengers that got off the ship. As soon as I got into her black Lexus, she got right down to business after a few perfunctory questions about my yearly Caribbean cruise.

-"Met anybody interesting?"

-"No, but not for lack of trying!"

-"You, lecher you. My dear, you're getting less handsome and bigger around the waist. You're not the same Roberto I met three years ago when I first interviewed you. I hope you're noticing that."

-"I am. Shit, I ate too much rich food on the ship. I'll go on a diet and do more running. I promise.

-"You'd better. I read the latest story you posted on the Net, the one called "Love and Survival". Any truth in that? I don't like the ending. Did Carmen get on the plane for Cartagena?"

-"If you have to ask, you missed the point of the story. All the clues for the ending were established throughout the story. I thought you majored in Literature, besides Journalism, in college. As I was writing the story, two pieces of advice reigned supreme in the forefront of my consciousness: There must be an unconscious to the story. The story must have something underneath."

-"So, enlighten me!"

-"I won't. But I'm going to talk around it. You see, story-telling, or writing poetry, doing the so-called literature, is not easy. You must have a gift for it. I don't know if I have the gift. It doesn't matter if I do or not. What matters to me is I'm drawn to stories and poems, and sometimes I feel compelled to express myself in them. 

If you think it's easy to write a story, any story, just try to do it yourself and you will see how difficult it is. First, you must have something to say, a point to make. Then you construct your narrative around this point, to get your point, your message across. Meanwhile, you have to be concerned that you wouldn't lose your reader in the process. You must tell your story in such a way to maintain the reader's interest. Finally, the conclusion/point of the story must be plausible enough so that the reader doesn't feel cheated. In other words, the ending shouldn't be contrived. A mark of a good story is that the reader is shaken/delighted/ with the unforeseen/ambiguous, but feasible ending. It forces him to think again of the journey he has just vicariously taken. So he goes back rereading the story, this time more leisurely to savor the words and the narrative that he didn't fully get at the first reading. And if the story is really, really good, a few days or weeks/months later, he revisits the story like visiting an old dear friend. He knows what his old friend would say and act, but he still finds the visit pleasurable and uplifting. Of course, there's a question of taste involved. Not all stories are of the same genre, just like not all humans are of the same, unvaried personality. Generally, we only like and appreciate what we can identify and understand. I cannot stand stories about horror or science fiction. I don't read them and I don't write them. 

-"OK, garrulous, long-winded old man. I heard you. Gee, can't you be brief and concise? So, what's your next story about? "

-"I don't know. A story comes to me on its own. I don't go look for it. I'll travel again, in June around the British Isles and Ireland, and in November in Dubai and India. Maybe something will happen during these times, triggering in me a desire to tell a story."

-"Will you travel solo again or in the company of some woman I don't know about?"

-"You're asking too many questions. I'm not popular with women as I've pretended to be. You're the only female friend that I have."

-"You liar! What's about Salomé, the Cuban bitch who called you while you were making love to me?"

-"She's history. Sad, tragic history. I'm in mourning. I was waiting for the right time to break the news to you. She was on the EgyptAir flight that went down in the Mediterranean last Thursday. Her daughter called me last night. Enjoy life, Leslie. Live life with a gusto. Embrace all experiences. Pain is just information. It helps you grow, adjust. Pain is better than Death. Death is Finality, The End of You. Don't go to The End voluntarily.  Let The End come to You."

-"Oh, my God. You're not shitting me, are you? I'm so sorry, Roberto. I really am. Oh, my God. No wonder you look like shit and strange. But wait a minute. No, I think you're just a lousy liar. What you just told me was just bullshit, too much of a coincidence. What the fuck Salomé would do in Cairo? She was playing tourist? alone, by herself, a woman pushing seventy? No, I'm not buying that. You just lied to me, Roberto. Salomé didn't die in any goddamn plane crash. You're a fucked-up, stupid liar, Roberto. I'm going to check the names of the passengers. I want to talk to her daughter, the one who had called you about her mother being in that plane. Now tell me the truth about Salomé. Are you still involved with her? Is there a real Salomé? And not some woman you hired, calling you, pretending to be her, in order to impress me? Who is the woman on your iPhone? Is that really Salomé? Please tell me. 

-"Leslie, calm down! And please keep your eyes on the road, otherwise you'll get us both killed. Salomé was on that plane. Yes, go ahead and check the names of the passengers. Her full name is Salomé Salvador. Easy to remember. Yes, you can talk to her daughter if you wish. I don't care. My only regret is that I didn't come out and tell her while she was still alive, what she meant to me and yes, in my own improbable, crazy, stupid way, I did love her and that knowing her was good for my soul. Now I only have  are the memories and the photos. I miss her laughters and the way she walked. I miss her voice. She helped me crystallize a notion about Love, which is the amalgamation of affection and respect. You cannot love a person without having both affection and respect for the person."

-"Roberto, please be honest with me. Do you love me?"

- (Heavy sigh) "Yes, I do. I just wish you are less volatile, less explosive.To be loved, you must first make yourself lovable. That may sound manipulative and phony, but that's the way things are. You're too much like me. No wonder we fight all the time. It's taxing to my mind. I do need peace and quiet, Leslie. I understand you, but I need you to understand me, too."

At Sea, in the Gulf of Mexico
May 20, 2016