Power of Understanding and Acceptance
The other day I went to a party at the invitation of a new buddy. I felt out of place because my buddy Jay is a freaking multi-millionaire and all of his friends are well-off. Jay is 49 years old. He made his first million when he was 35 and retired when he was 45, selling two companies he founded. He is very childlike--- very much like me, I suppose--- unmarried, honest, argumentative, stubborn, and passionate. In short, he is not unlike me, except the unmarried part. That's probably why we understand each other and get along fine. I met Jay in Scottsdale, AZ in a poker room where I usually frequent during the weekends. Last month, in a Friday evening I was sitting next to a corpulent middle aged man at a poker table, who played almost every hand and lost quite heavily, but he didn't seem to mind. We talked. And we really did. We were both natural born talkers. Jay loved to talk about himself and how well-off he was. His voice was not soft. It carried. Other players at the table were annoyed at his incessant bragging about he just came to Scottsdale to visit his old buddies and he just played poker for fun at this small limits level and he has a home in the exclusive enclave of Spanish Trails in Las Vegas where his neighbors are Antonio Adamsi, Thomas Page, and David Nicholson, a very famous man in Las Vegas. Since he didn't dress stylishly and didn't have an air of a man accustomed to comfort and a lifestyle of leisure and pleasure, some players expressed skepticism and called him a bullshitter. I defended him and told the hostile parties that I believed that Jay was telling the truth and there was no reason to believe that Jay was lying just to impress us. Well, that pleased him tremendously. He then invited me to dinner where we got to know each other more. That was how our friendship started. Two weeks ago, he called me from Vegas and asked me if I would like to visit him for the weekend and meet his neighbors. I didn't have to drive. He would book the ticket for me and he would pick me up at the airport.
I naturally said yes to his invitation. After I clicked off my phone, I couldn't help but feeling pleased with myself for having made some improvement in relating to people. As I once disclosed, I was somewhat retarded socially and emotionally. For the last three years, I have made some real connections with several men who regard me as a friend. I never have problems making friends with women, not after Laura walked out on me.
Jay picked me up in a surprisingly beat up Honda Accord. I said nothing about the car as I settled into the seat. I began to wonder if the Rolex on his writst was not a counterfeit. Jay cheerfully made conversations about how my flight went and how glad he saw me and how excited he was about the upcoming party. We got on the Interstate I-15 and then exited at Charleston avenue and headed west. Soon I found myself in spacious, elegantly landscaped neighborhoood. He passed through a gate with a guard sitting in an air-conditioned booth. My skepticism began to fade. He pulled into the driveway of a two-story house tastefully landscaped. The garage door went up. In there sat a silver gray late model Lexus. Jay showed me the guest bedroom. The time was around 2 pm. He told me to make myself at home. The party would begin around 8. The caterer would come around 6. He had some errands that he had to do.
I naturally made a tour of the house. My guest room was upstairs, overlooking a golf course and a swimming pool. There were two other bedrooms upstairs and a study room with bookcases filled with books on business and travel and some fiction. On the wall there were photos of Jay with his parents and one with Harry Reid. The one with Harry Reid made me feel better while there was no photos of women made me nervous.
Downstairs I found the Master bedroom, a pool room, dining room, living room, a huge kitchen with wineracks and ultrachic refrigerator. So, this Jay seemed to be for real, I said to myself silently as I sat down in the bathtub upstairs, soaking myself and visualized the stress departing from me like a receding wave from the beach. I had a good look at myself in the mirror as I dried myself. I looked young for my age and I made a mental note to take better care of my body. I did some light Yoga stretching so I didn't have to perspire but at the same time I could get some kinks out of the system. I felt sufficiently serene. I jumped into bed with a book on Tantric Buddhism in my hand. I always read in bed. It relaxes me. It made me feel smart and intellectual! Soon, I passed out. There was a knock on the door. Jay said guest were arriving and he would like me to meet them.
I met Thomas Page who had some kind of problems with the IRS and had to sell his house which was on the street west of Jay's. Jay told me that the house was huge and a steal. Page bought for 14 million and now had to dump it for a quarter of his purchasing price. Page asked me jokingly if I wanted to buy it. I said I was a pauper but a friend of mine out East might be interested. Page was subdued and not hyperkinetic at all. Adamsi was very friendly and polite and not stuck up despite his celebrity status. Nicholson was reserved. Soon there were four former business associates who arrived and Jay introduced them to me. We ate lamb chops and lobsters and drank wine and beer while sitting around the pool. By this time, the heat largely dissipated. Also two huge fans provided enough aerial heat dissipation from our bodies. Nobody went for a swim in the pool which was big enough for doing laps.
We retired to the pool room where there was a billiard table and a round table with soft cushion chairs. We played poker. To my surprise, Jay with a big grin on his face, pulled me aside and whispered to me that that he would advance me $15,000. Any money I made, I would keep. If I lose all the $15,000, that would be OK. Everybody put $15,000 on the table and started playing $5/$10 no limit hold 'em. I was nervous and played the tightest game of my life. I kept folding hand after hand until I found the cards really strong to play with. When the game ended around 1 in the morning, I made $2,600 profit and felt very pleased and relieved. Jay lost $8,000 of his original stake. I stayed until Sunday evening. During that time, Jay and I hit the poker tables at Bellagio. I, of course, played much smaller limits this time and managed to make an additional $1,300. Jay surprisingly got lucky and made $6,000.
As Jay said goodbye to me at the passenger drop-off area, he said he had a good time and if I ever get to Vegas again, I could stay in his house. He said he would be in Scottsdale in March and look forward to seeing me at the poker table. His parting words were "By the way, tell the regulars there that you met Page, Adamsi, and Nicholson."
I shook his hand and walked through the door towards the terminal, feeling out of place and out of joint and out of time, but at the same time I felt the full force of the power of understanding and acceptance and grace.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Trungpa
Any casual student of Buddhism sooner or later would encounter the name Chogyam Trungpa, a Tibetan Buddhist exiled monk who was quite a controversial figure. He renounced his vows, married a rebellious 16-year-old upper class English girl, slept around prior and after his marriage, and was very fond of drinking. He died at the tender age of 48, yet he accomplished much. He wrote a few books (I read one of his books, called Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior. The impression I got from the book was that the author's English was simple and unlyrical, his thoughts profound and attitude flamboyant and arrogant). He founded Naropa, the first Buddhist-inspired university in North America. He also established meditation centers in the United States, Canada, and Europe.
I am reading his wife's account of her marriage to this self-conflicting Buddhist monk. It appears to me, so far, that this gregarious monk related to people via his penis and his heart. Upon encountering the account of his life, I could not help but notice that I seem to relate to people and the world through my heart only. I crave for love and respect, not casual sex under whatever guide. Still, reading about Trungpa made me realize nobody is perfect and that I should take in qualities from those I am find appealing and inspirational, and ignored the rest.
Trungpa's self-designated mission was to bring Buddhist Dharma to the West. To this aim he was successful. His name will go down in history as one of the Tibetan lamas who introduced Tibetan Buddhism to the West. He succeeded because he was warm-hearted, engaging, and gave full attention to whoever happened to talk with him. His journey was fraught with economic hardships and challenges because of his denunciation of his monastic vows (he married a 16-year-old English girl), his heavy drinking, his gluttony (he loved to eat, especially meat), his suicidal thoughts, and even his gambling. In other words, he violated the basic tenet of Buddhism of not having attachment. Yet, in spite of all these serious defects of character, he succeeded at what he set out to do. His students adored him because his teachings were authentic (he was well trained by his teachers) and because he really cared about his students. In return they financially supported him when he and his family first came to America. Later, with his books and popularity of his lectures and workshops and successful launching of a Buddhist-inspired university, he had a comfortable life.
I remember looking at his photo on the back cover of his book Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior, and I told myself that the man didn't look like a monk full of serenity and wisdom, but a man of smug arrogance and intelligence, and I've got to know more about this man. Some men are just like dynamites, useful, highly interesting and unusual, and dangerous at the same time. Some lesser men of quirks are mini and pathetic versions of men like Trungpa. Their idiosyncratic and defiant behavior is merely a sad attempt to assert their worth and their place in the sun. Sadly, I could be one of these lesser men.
I am reading his wife's account of her marriage to this self-conflicting Buddhist monk. It appears to me, so far, that this gregarious monk related to people via his penis and his heart. Upon encountering the account of his life, I could not help but notice that I seem to relate to people and the world through my heart only. I crave for love and respect, not casual sex under whatever guide. Still, reading about Trungpa made me realize nobody is perfect and that I should take in qualities from those I am find appealing and inspirational, and ignored the rest.
Trungpa's self-designated mission was to bring Buddhist Dharma to the West. To this aim he was successful. His name will go down in history as one of the Tibetan lamas who introduced Tibetan Buddhism to the West. He succeeded because he was warm-hearted, engaging, and gave full attention to whoever happened to talk with him. His journey was fraught with economic hardships and challenges because of his denunciation of his monastic vows (he married a 16-year-old English girl), his heavy drinking, his gluttony (he loved to eat, especially meat), his suicidal thoughts, and even his gambling. In other words, he violated the basic tenet of Buddhism of not having attachment. Yet, in spite of all these serious defects of character, he succeeded at what he set out to do. His students adored him because his teachings were authentic (he was well trained by his teachers) and because he really cared about his students. In return they financially supported him when he and his family first came to America. Later, with his books and popularity of his lectures and workshops and successful launching of a Buddhist-inspired university, he had a comfortable life.
I remember looking at his photo on the back cover of his book Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior, and I told myself that the man didn't look like a monk full of serenity and wisdom, but a man of smug arrogance and intelligence, and I've got to know more about this man. Some men are just like dynamites, useful, highly interesting and unusual, and dangerous at the same time. Some lesser men of quirks are mini and pathetic versions of men like Trungpa. Their idiosyncratic and defiant behavior is merely a sad attempt to assert their worth and their place in the sun. Sadly, I could be one of these lesser men.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Knowledge, Speculation, and Interest
Today I was bemused and amused by a post on the Internet about the end of the universe. Frankly, who would give a rat's ass about that when "learning" that the event would happen in 3.7 billion years time? Tell me, really, do you? Not me. What we should be concerned is the fate of our planet earth with all the pollution and global warming and wars and pestilence and hunger and ignorance and arrogance and blithe dismisal of others not as being "smart" or "informed" as we are. As Vietnamese we should be vitally concerned how to resist China's effort to take over Vietnam. I don't see such concern shown at all. Instead, I have seen stupid and innate postings about trivialites and stupid jokes and nude photos of men and women. That leads to my favorite topic: contempt. Humans enjoy having a game of mutual contempt. We look down upon others in order to feel good about ourselves. We can always find somebody who is more stupid and ignorant and clumsy than we are. I expressed all these thoughts to a fellow and I was once bemused and amused by his reactions to my thoughts. That showed me that beneath the thin veneer of culture and respectability lies the sorry state of raw animalism. I looked at his raw red animalism which was pulsating with anger. I shook my head in disgust and pity and I walked away, reminding myself that I have to keep my own animalism in check and in the dark. To show it in broad daylight is a violation of my new mantra "Grace under Pressure". To show contempt for others in a crude, animalistic manner is to bring own contempt to ourselves.
There are many ways for humans to express displeasure and contempt. Publicly and directly using words involving sex acts does not befit educated people like as we are not scums of society nor are we hoodlums and hooligans. We also should remember that any piece of writing either coming from our own brains or somebody else's, posted on the Internet is fair game for comments. If we are of a constitution that we cannot take nor face comments, we are much better off not posting it in the first place. As always, I welcome any comment on any piece that I posted. As you all already realize, a preponderance of my posts are products of my own mind, not a cut and paste of somebody else's thoughts and ideas. I promise not to stoop down to the level where I have to resort to gutter language of obscenity and profanity to express my disagreement and displeasure of your comments of what I wrote. I have more than enough words in my arsenal to express my distaste and displeasure in a civilized manner.
There are many ways for humans to express displeasure and contempt. Publicly and directly using words involving sex acts does not befit educated people like as we are not scums of society nor are we hoodlums and hooligans. We also should remember that any piece of writing either coming from our own brains or somebody else's, posted on the Internet is fair game for comments. If we are of a constitution that we cannot take nor face comments, we are much better off not posting it in the first place. As always, I welcome any comment on any piece that I posted. As you all already realize, a preponderance of my posts are products of my own mind, not a cut and paste of somebody else's thoughts and ideas. I promise not to stoop down to the level where I have to resort to gutter language of obscenity and profanity to express my disagreement and displeasure of your comments of what I wrote. I have more than enough words in my arsenal to express my distaste and displeasure in a civilized manner.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Dianetics
I read Dianetics long time ago in the 1970s, but appparently didn't get much out of it. I just reread it and it astonished me how much of it are in tune with my own thinking. Today I witnessed grace under pressure and was much moved by it. I have to be more into forgiveness and grace and less into vengeance and nursing grudges.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Priorities: Health, Money, and Love
Many stupid and pious-sounding ignoramuses mouth off and parrot the cliche' that money cannot buy love and all that shit. Of course, they are wrong. Money "buys" almost anything, including health and especially love, on this planet. There are only two things money cannot buy: intelligence (something given) and knowledge (you must work hard at it). If you are penniless , you will sufffer ill health and absolutely get no love. No self-respecting woman would love a penniless man, no matter how big his penis is, unless that woman is very generous and heavy into sex. Read the preceding sentence again and have it engraved in your mind. Read it out loud so you can get the play on words. You got it? You didn't? That was why I called you a stupid and pious-sounding ignoramus. There were TWO wordplays in that sentence. The first one is easy to see; the second is harder. Anyway, I am digressing. So a man must be able to be self-supporting before he entertains any notion that he will find a woman who will love him and support him.
Why Do I Use Curse Words?
God or the reverse is an exceedingly difficult and complex subject because the notion means different things to different people. We humans usually associate God with personhood and forget God is a man-made construct, a personification of a process which has no interest in Man because it cannot, but certainly the process has an impact on Man. I can tell you this: out of 6.7 billion humans on this planet, maybe 1,000 or so think as I do regarding God. If I have a gift, it is metaphysics. It is even more striking a gift than a thirst for knowledge and languages. That's why I have a Messiah complex. I preach all the time to everybody including myself, regardless of whether they listen or not. During the process of preaching, I get closer and closer to what I am trying to understand and that is why I am here and where I am going. Several friends died recently and people went through the motion of expressing condolences, some did that more quickly than others. I didn't feel an urge or a social obligation to be politically correct and express my condolences. Instead, I meditated more on the meaning of death, and hence life, and nature of happiness and contentment and on why I let ignorant and insensitive and stupid assholes and motherfuckers bother me in the past. Life is getting very short. I must continue on my journey and pay no mind to barking dogs.
My cursing at them didn't win them over, but surely made me feel better. If I hold my anger and contempt inside, I probably will kill them. Have you not heard of venting? Anyway, most humans are fucking animals and hypocrites. That was why Hitler killed them like dogs. Of course, a great majority of his victims were innocent and all of them, except for a few individuals, didn't do him any harm. But the point here is that he had a ferocious contempt and hatred for most humans except to those who showed him loyalty, then he treated them with kindness and generosity (Read Fest's biography of Hitler). Most humans really are animals. They are selfish, cowardly, greedy, lying, cruel, and power hungry. Their veneer of respectability disappears the moment their interests or egos are negatively affected and they revert to their basic animal nature. Very few humans are proper humans. If you don't believe me, look around you and ask yourself how many friends you really have and how many acquaintances and relatives and associates you can trust your life and money with. You got my point? Fuck yes, I am a real human, but not a strong one. That's why I am suffering. Many times I wish I were an animal like the scumbags and douche bags I despise, but I just cannot. I am made of better stuff. That's why you are seeing that I am back to being a recluse. My venting here in this blog is my way of making assholes and motherfuckers know I am still alive, but I no longer have any interest in interacting with them.
My cursing at them didn't win them over, but surely made me feel better. If I hold my anger and contempt inside, I probably will kill them. Have you not heard of venting? Anyway, most humans are fucking animals and hypocrites. That was why Hitler killed them like dogs. Of course, a great majority of his victims were innocent and all of them, except for a few individuals, didn't do him any harm. But the point here is that he had a ferocious contempt and hatred for most humans except to those who showed him loyalty, then he treated them with kindness and generosity (Read Fest's biography of Hitler). Most humans really are animals. They are selfish, cowardly, greedy, lying, cruel, and power hungry. Their veneer of respectability disappears the moment their interests or egos are negatively affected and they revert to their basic animal nature. Very few humans are proper humans. If you don't believe me, look around you and ask yourself how many friends you really have and how many acquaintances and relatives and associates you can trust your life and money with. You got my point? Fuck yes, I am a real human, but not a strong one. That's why I am suffering. Many times I wish I were an animal like the scumbags and douche bags I despise, but I just cannot. I am made of better stuff. That's why you are seeing that I am back to being a recluse. My venting here in this blog is my way of making assholes and motherfuckers know I am still alive, but I no longer have any interest in interacting with them.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Grace Under Pressure
Grace Under Pressure
Hemingway spoke often of grace under pressure. You summoned everything you have to face adversity. You don't panic. You remain calm and maintain your dignity. You don't complain nor do you seek pity or even sympathy. You become reticent, stoic, and hard--very, very hard. You realize you have nobody to call for help. Only you against the world. Every step you take, every breath you inhale, every word you utter are all designed for survival, for getting out of the hole you dug yourself in. You played with fire. You got burned, but you didn't give up nor did you give in to defeatism. You will fight till you cannot fight anymore, all the while preserving your pride, dignity, and self-respect.
You constantly ask yourself where you fit in the hierarchy of men. How smart, sensitive, knowledgeable, responsible, and ethical are you in relation to other humans? Have you worked out the answers for yourself some basic questions such as:
1. What is life? What is the purpose of your life?
2. What is God? Is it a personhood or a concept such as a transcendent experience where you see harmony, grace, and purpose in the overall scheme of things?
3. What is Love? What is Lust? The function of sex.
4. Nature of duty and responsibility, and thus, by extension, patriotism?
5. Why some, scratch that, why most humans are still very much animalistic? Why are they hypocritical, lying, power hungry, cowardly, lazy, selfish, and unpatriotic?
6. Nature of religion. Nature and character of some founders of religion? Why there were serious attempts of opponents to kill Jesus, Muhammad, and Joseph Smith, and not Buddha?
7. Nature of thinking? Can you think and express yourself in a logical, facts-filled manner? Are you just an ordinary, average Joe or are you somebody special, part of the elite of men who seem to be in more in touch with reality while most humans are mired in ignorance and darkness?
8. Are you mere man or are you dynamite also, ready to go off in a big bang instead of going out in a whimper?
9. The bottom line is whether you are comfortable and truly proud of who you are and you are glad that you are not like a pebble lying by the roadside, or worse-- a piece of dry shit like some despicable simians that you know personally?
10. Somebody died today. Are you ready to go?
Hemingway spoke often of grace under pressure. You summoned everything you have to face adversity. You don't panic. You remain calm and maintain your dignity. You don't complain nor do you seek pity or even sympathy. You become reticent, stoic, and hard--very, very hard. You realize you have nobody to call for help. Only you against the world. Every step you take, every breath you inhale, every word you utter are all designed for survival, for getting out of the hole you dug yourself in. You played with fire. You got burned, but you didn't give up nor did you give in to defeatism. You will fight till you cannot fight anymore, all the while preserving your pride, dignity, and self-respect.
You constantly ask yourself where you fit in the hierarchy of men. How smart, sensitive, knowledgeable, responsible, and ethical are you in relation to other humans? Have you worked out the answers for yourself some basic questions such as:
1. What is life? What is the purpose of your life?
2. What is God? Is it a personhood or a concept such as a transcendent experience where you see harmony, grace, and purpose in the overall scheme of things?
3. What is Love? What is Lust? The function of sex.
4. Nature of duty and responsibility, and thus, by extension, patriotism?
5. Why some, scratch that, why most humans are still very much animalistic? Why are they hypocritical, lying, power hungry, cowardly, lazy, selfish, and unpatriotic?
6. Nature of religion. Nature and character of some founders of religion? Why there were serious attempts of opponents to kill Jesus, Muhammad, and Joseph Smith, and not Buddha?
7. Nature of thinking? Can you think and express yourself in a logical, facts-filled manner? Are you just an ordinary, average Joe or are you somebody special, part of the elite of men who seem to be in more in touch with reality while most humans are mired in ignorance and darkness?
8. Are you mere man or are you dynamite also, ready to go off in a big bang instead of going out in a whimper?
9. The bottom line is whether you are comfortable and truly proud of who you are and you are glad that you are not like a pebble lying by the roadside, or worse-- a piece of dry shit like some despicable simians that you know personally?
10. Somebody died today. Are you ready to go?
Importance of Ideas, Knowledge, and Information
Apparently (the practice of) Islam has continued intruding into our consciousness as evidenced by a plethora of posts related to the subject. Unfortunately all of the posts are from Christian West perspective. Since Islam is not going away any time soon and there is an undercurrent of campaign against Islam in the West and sometimes the campaign has taken a stridency and even touches of extremism, as educated people we need to look into what Islam actually is and what the current war against terrorism (read: against Islam in many aspects) is all about, I would like to mention 3 things:
1. Read Rashid Khalidi's book called Resurrecting Empire, western Footprints and America's Perilous Path in the Middle East. Khalid is a professor at Columbia University and is a well-known op-ed columnist and regular guest on numerous TV and radio news shows.
2. Samuel Huntington's notion about clash of civilizations (conflict between Christianity and Islam) has been pernicious and damaging to world peace.
3. Fukuyama's prediction of End of History in the aftermath of the collapse of Soviet Union has proven to be premature and wrong. The world is not unipolar and dominated by the U.S. China is now playing the role of the former Soviet Union as a counterweight to the U.S. China is egging the Muslim world to oppose the U.S. in order to weaken the U.S. China, not Islam, is plotting to take over the world. A great majority of Islamic countries are too poor and undeveloped to be a factor in world stage. The current Islamic extremists are a nuisance, not a threat. They are not supported by the majority of Muslims. However, if strident and provocative anti-Islam measures are allowed to proliferate in the West, we would unwittingly empower and legitimize the Islamic extremists.
Ideas and information and Knowledge are important and necessary to acquire if we want to think critically and wish to avoid being intellectual slaves.
1. Read Rashid Khalidi's book called Resurrecting Empire, western Footprints and America's Perilous Path in the Middle East. Khalid is a professor at Columbia University and is a well-known op-ed columnist and regular guest on numerous TV and radio news shows.
2. Samuel Huntington's notion about clash of civilizations (conflict between Christianity and Islam) has been pernicious and damaging to world peace.
3. Fukuyama's prediction of End of History in the aftermath of the collapse of Soviet Union has proven to be premature and wrong. The world is not unipolar and dominated by the U.S. China is now playing the role of the former Soviet Union as a counterweight to the U.S. China is egging the Muslim world to oppose the U.S. in order to weaken the U.S. China, not Islam, is plotting to take over the world. A great majority of Islamic countries are too poor and undeveloped to be a factor in world stage. The current Islamic extremists are a nuisance, not a threat. They are not supported by the majority of Muslims. However, if strident and provocative anti-Islam measures are allowed to proliferate in the West, we would unwittingly empower and legitimize the Islamic extremists.
Ideas and information and Knowledge are important and necessary to acquire if we want to think critically and wish to avoid being intellectual slaves.
Annoyance and Superiority
Annoyance and Superiority
Slowly your need to unwind yourself publicly is becoming tiresome and obscene, even to yourself. After all, you already have your blog. Isn't that sufficient for you?
Anyway, today a twinge of annoyance briefly swept over you because of the issue of the alleged Islamization of Europe. You felt annoyed because of your self-conferred sense of superiority and understanding of the matter. You fancy that you understand why such an admittedly annoying public Islamic demonstration of faith would get on the nerves of the native Christians. The funny thing is that both the Christians and the Muslims (and all alleged religious folks who are keen to wear their religion on their sleeves) fail to examine the absurdity of their own beliefs. Each is only capable of seeing the oddity and bizarreness of the other's beliefs and practices. Religion should be a private matter between the believer and his God, whatever in what terms the believer conceives and perceives his God to be. But since Man is a social animal, he needs the reinforcement and solidarity of his fellow men, thus religion always has public spectacles with its usual rites and rituals to instill in the adherents and believers the sense of communion and that he is not alone in his beliefs and therefore his beliefs must rest on solid ground instead of self-delusions and self-hypnosis and a failure to think to the core of the matter: of why he believes in something that logically and rationally he knows cannot stand to the rigorous tests of scientific principles of verification and validation and that religion is just an aid for humans to get through life with a minimum of existential anxiety and a maximum of hope.
Wissai
Slowly your need to unwind yourself publicly is becoming tiresome and obscene, even to yourself. After all, you already have your blog. Isn't that sufficient for you?
Anyway, today a twinge of annoyance briefly swept over you because of the issue of the alleged Islamization of Europe. You felt annoyed because of your self-conferred sense of superiority and understanding of the matter. You fancy that you understand why such an admittedly annoying public Islamic demonstration of faith would get on the nerves of the native Christians. The funny thing is that both the Christians and the Muslims (and all alleged religious folks who are keen to wear their religion on their sleeves) fail to examine the absurdity of their own beliefs. Each is only capable of seeing the oddity and bizarreness of the other's beliefs and practices. Religion should be a private matter between the believer and his God, whatever in what terms the believer conceives and perceives his God to be. But since Man is a social animal, he needs the reinforcement and solidarity of his fellow men, thus religion always has public spectacles with its usual rites and rituals to instill in the adherents and believers the sense of communion and that he is not alone in his beliefs and therefore his beliefs must rest on solid ground instead of self-delusions and self-hypnosis and a failure to think to the core of the matter: of why he believes in something that logically and rationally he knows cannot stand to the rigorous tests of scientific principles of verification and validation and that religion is just an aid for humans to get through life with a minimum of existential anxiety and a maximum of hope.
Wissai
Friday, September 17, 2010
Man--A Wondrous Animal
Man-A Wondrous Animal.
I just watched a show on History Channel where a man used pheromones sprinkled all over his body to attract hundreds of thousands of bees. Within minutes, bees swarmed over him covering from head to toe, including his face. The mass of bees weighed about 45 lbs and gave him warmth. Amazingly he didn't get a single sting. It takes 1,000 stings to kill a man.
There are some men among us who push themselves to the frontiers of knowledge, men who refuse to live a humdrum existence, to be a pliant, obedient follower of figures of authority. They know they are different because they hear the sound of drumbeats that nobody else hears. They are disdainful of cowards who perversely and pathetically crave for power and all of its trappings. Real men have the courage to act what they think is right. We all need to know if we are real men or cowards in disguise who worship at the altar of power.
I just watched a show on History Channel where a man used pheromones sprinkled all over his body to attract hundreds of thousands of bees. Within minutes, bees swarmed over him covering from head to toe, including his face. The mass of bees weighed about 45 lbs and gave him warmth. Amazingly he didn't get a single sting. It takes 1,000 stings to kill a man.
There are some men among us who push themselves to the frontiers of knowledge, men who refuse to live a humdrum existence, to be a pliant, obedient follower of figures of authority. They know they are different because they hear the sound of drumbeats that nobody else hears. They are disdainful of cowards who perversely and pathetically crave for power and all of its trappings. Real men have the courage to act what they think is right. We all need to know if we are real men or cowards in disguise who worship at the altar of power.
Banality
Banality:
You can't stand banality in conversations. You almost choked to death with boredom watching two old crusty, fossilized assholes exchanging lengthy email conversations over nonsense and half-truths. Gosh, you said to yourself, how the fuck people could actually talk like that? You know you can't carry on a conversation of such an insipidity. You would sign off immediately the moment the other person reeks of banality and hypocrisy.
You can't stand banality in conversations. You almost choked to death with boredom watching two old crusty, fossilized assholes exchanging lengthy email conversations over nonsense and half-truths. Gosh, you said to yourself, how the fuck people could actually talk like that? You know you can't carry on a conversation of such an insipidity. You would sign off immediately the moment the other person reeks of banality and hypocrisy.
Power, Legitimacy, and Founders of Religion
Power, Legitimacy, and Founders of Religion.
The following are my own observations. They could be original as I have yet encountered similar thoughts expressed anywhere. On the other hand, they may not be original since they could be already expressed but have not got to my attention. I am not well-read. The observations are simple and anybody could come up with them. A disclaimer is warranted. The observations are psychological and philosophical in nature and done with a desire to get to the bottom of things and to the marrow of issues, and not to be an attack/glorification of any religious figures.
Let me say at the outset that I regard all founders of religion as mortal men, not special agents (prophets) of God. Let me also state my belief that very, very few men are able to resist the temptations of power, the ability to make others follow their commands. Perhaps because I am a person who is not into power trips and who does not relish the gratification of "controlling" others, I could come up with the observations which are crudely expressed as follows:
The belief in a personal God has been part of the human intellectual landscape for a long time. Only a minority of humans don't subscribe to this belief. Religious founders seize upon this belief to claim legitimacy of their religious claims. Jesus said only through him that humans could get to the Father (read: God), Joseph Smith (founder of Mormon Church) claimed some angel revealed to him the existence of some golden tablets and he was chosen as the latest prophet to lead the Christian Church on a right path. Muhammad said that the angel Gabriel revealed to him God's teachings and he was God's last prophet and there would be nobody else after him and God spoke Arabic! Millions (in the case of Mormon Church) and billions (in the case of Christianity and Islam) believed in the tales told to them by these founders. These founders also spoke of rewards and punishments by God for obeying or disobeying the religious claims contained in the tales told by these founders which do not stand up to the scrutiny of logic and scientific principles of verification and validation.
There was a singular exception among founders of religion with respect to power and legitimacy of religious authority. That exception was Buddha. Buddha was born in position of privilege. He was a crown prince of a kingdom in Northeastern India nearly 2,600 years ago. He was presumably educated. Apparently worldly power didn't attract him because he left the royal palace to seek answers to existential questions that nagged him. Over time he gained some insights which are passed on to us. These insights are:
1. All life is interconnected. Individual Self is an illusion. Almost all the ills in this world stem from harboring an illusion that in essence we humans are not the same, but different from one another.
2. There is no personal God. Such a notion is useless in having a life free of sufferings.
3. To be free of sufferings requires an awareness of the notion of attachment, including the attachment that each of us possesses a distinct self different from others.
4. Each individual must work out his own salvation (liberation from ignorance and darkness) with diligence. The teacher is merely a tool, a raft to get to the other shore. It's ridiculous to keep carrying the raft on one's head wherever one goes, even after one gets on land. Don't accept the teacher as the voice of authority. Question his teachings. Only accept the teachings if they make sense to you. Precisely this refusal of Buddha to insist on blind obedience to and acceptance of his teachings reveals his distaste for power, for exerting authority over fellow humans. A great majority of humans don't have this quiet self-confidence and have to rely on the crutch of power to feel good about themselves.
The following are my own observations. They could be original as I have yet encountered similar thoughts expressed anywhere. On the other hand, they may not be original since they could be already expressed but have not got to my attention. I am not well-read. The observations are simple and anybody could come up with them. A disclaimer is warranted. The observations are psychological and philosophical in nature and done with a desire to get to the bottom of things and to the marrow of issues, and not to be an attack/glorification of any religious figures.
Let me say at the outset that I regard all founders of religion as mortal men, not special agents (prophets) of God. Let me also state my belief that very, very few men are able to resist the temptations of power, the ability to make others follow their commands. Perhaps because I am a person who is not into power trips and who does not relish the gratification of "controlling" others, I could come up with the observations which are crudely expressed as follows:
The belief in a personal God has been part of the human intellectual landscape for a long time. Only a minority of humans don't subscribe to this belief. Religious founders seize upon this belief to claim legitimacy of their religious claims. Jesus said only through him that humans could get to the Father (read: God), Joseph Smith (founder of Mormon Church) claimed some angel revealed to him the existence of some golden tablets and he was chosen as the latest prophet to lead the Christian Church on a right path. Muhammad said that the angel Gabriel revealed to him God's teachings and he was God's last prophet and there would be nobody else after him and God spoke Arabic! Millions (in the case of Mormon Church) and billions (in the case of Christianity and Islam) believed in the tales told to them by these founders. These founders also spoke of rewards and punishments by God for obeying or disobeying the religious claims contained in the tales told by these founders which do not stand up to the scrutiny of logic and scientific principles of verification and validation.
There was a singular exception among founders of religion with respect to power and legitimacy of religious authority. That exception was Buddha. Buddha was born in position of privilege. He was a crown prince of a kingdom in Northeastern India nearly 2,600 years ago. He was presumably educated. Apparently worldly power didn't attract him because he left the royal palace to seek answers to existential questions that nagged him. Over time he gained some insights which are passed on to us. These insights are:
1. All life is interconnected. Individual Self is an illusion. Almost all the ills in this world stem from harboring an illusion that in essence we humans are not the same, but different from one another.
2. There is no personal God. Such a notion is useless in having a life free of sufferings.
3. To be free of sufferings requires an awareness of the notion of attachment, including the attachment that each of us possesses a distinct self different from others.
4. Each individual must work out his own salvation (liberation from ignorance and darkness) with diligence. The teacher is merely a tool, a raft to get to the other shore. It's ridiculous to keep carrying the raft on one's head wherever one goes, even after one gets on land. Don't accept the teacher as the voice of authority. Question his teachings. Only accept the teachings if they make sense to you. Precisely this refusal of Buddha to insist on blind obedience to and acceptance of his teachings reveals his distaste for power, for exerting authority over fellow humans. A great majority of humans don't have this quiet self-confidence and have to rely on the crutch of power to feel good about themselves.
Fear of Islamization?
I don't blame the rising strident protests and condemnation of a perceived Islamization in the West. Instead of trying to understand the reasons for the growing presence of Muslims in the West and why Muslims have such an odd of dress codes for women, many Westerners (read: Christians)react with prejudice, outrage and scorn. Some Vietnamese ignoramuses ape their Caucasian neighbors and ex-coloninal masters and condemn the Muslims as well. And these Vietnamese ignoramuses call themselves educated simply they have a college degree.
Roots of Sufferings
Roots of sufferings
Roots of sufferings are attachments to the notion of Self, thinking that each one of us humans is distinct and separate from one another, and thus believing that our primary obligation is to take care of ourselves first and if in the process of doing so, if we must hurt others, so be it. But Buddha preaches that such thinking is saturated with animalistic preoccupation and is a hindrance to achieving real understanding of the nature of life. We are all connected, he says. Too much preoccupation with Self leads to sufferings and is a stumbling block to enlightenment. Preoccupation with Self has several manifestations. The following are on top of my head:
1. Selfishness (Ego-Glorification): a childish and animalistic carry-over of excessive concern with physical survival. This leads to lack of love and inability to see that unselfishness is in fact more conducive to survival.
2. Greed comes from insecurity and lack of self-confidence. Again tied up with Ego-Glorification.
3. Anger. Ego-Glorification again. Animalistic desire to strike back at the source that threatens or annoys us.
So, Buddha was right. Everything that has something to do with suffering originates from excessive concern with Self. That's why we often see many humans behave like this: when they win, they win like gentlemen, but when they lose, they lose like jackasses. Very few humans carry themselves with dignity and grace at all times, no matter what the circumstances are. The noisiest ones are usually the weakest. They have to externalize their emotions. They lack self-control. Lest my friends think I am preaching and assuming a holier-than-thou attitude, let me hasten to emphasize here that I am a noisy one, hence belong to the weak category. Yet I am endlessly fascinated by animal behavior (ethology), including that of Man. I enjoy watching Animal Planet channel. I am amazed at how well the animal trainers interact with wild animals and succeed in training them. I wonder if these animal trainers also interact well with their fellow human animals.
I write about things that have personal meanings to me. Today's subject of sufferings is no exception. I submit that we suffer most at the hands of our fellow humans. Of course, they can bring us joy and comfort, too. But I would have to say, on balance, sufferings outnumber joys. I suppose a wise man is the one who, by virtue of his superior skills in social relationships, encounters more joys than sufferings. I also suppose he is a wise man because he recognizes ultimately we are all related and there is no separate Self so he does not take insults to heart and does not inflict pain on others in retaliation. From him exudes an aura of calmness, gentleness, and kindness. He is more ready to forgive than to condemn. He looks at jackasses with pity in lieu of anger. He is constantly aware that humans suffer because of ignorance of true nature of things. Harsh words and actions are uttered and taken because of a lack of inner equilibrium. Let us all remember we all feel hurt, so if we must state our disagreements, we do so with kindness and grace.
Roots of sufferings are attachments to the notion of Self, thinking that each one of us humans is distinct and separate from one another, and thus believing that our primary obligation is to take care of ourselves first and if in the process of doing so, if we must hurt others, so be it. But Buddha preaches that such thinking is saturated with animalistic preoccupation and is a hindrance to achieving real understanding of the nature of life. We are all connected, he says. Too much preoccupation with Self leads to sufferings and is a stumbling block to enlightenment. Preoccupation with Self has several manifestations. The following are on top of my head:
1. Selfishness (Ego-Glorification): a childish and animalistic carry-over of excessive concern with physical survival. This leads to lack of love and inability to see that unselfishness is in fact more conducive to survival.
2. Greed comes from insecurity and lack of self-confidence. Again tied up with Ego-Glorification.
3. Anger. Ego-Glorification again. Animalistic desire to strike back at the source that threatens or annoys us.
So, Buddha was right. Everything that has something to do with suffering originates from excessive concern with Self. That's why we often see many humans behave like this: when they win, they win like gentlemen, but when they lose, they lose like jackasses. Very few humans carry themselves with dignity and grace at all times, no matter what the circumstances are. The noisiest ones are usually the weakest. They have to externalize their emotions. They lack self-control. Lest my friends think I am preaching and assuming a holier-than-thou attitude, let me hasten to emphasize here that I am a noisy one, hence belong to the weak category. Yet I am endlessly fascinated by animal behavior (ethology), including that of Man. I enjoy watching Animal Planet channel. I am amazed at how well the animal trainers interact with wild animals and succeed in training them. I wonder if these animal trainers also interact well with their fellow human animals.
I write about things that have personal meanings to me. Today's subject of sufferings is no exception. I submit that we suffer most at the hands of our fellow humans. Of course, they can bring us joy and comfort, too. But I would have to say, on balance, sufferings outnumber joys. I suppose a wise man is the one who, by virtue of his superior skills in social relationships, encounters more joys than sufferings. I also suppose he is a wise man because he recognizes ultimately we are all related and there is no separate Self so he does not take insults to heart and does not inflict pain on others in retaliation. From him exudes an aura of calmness, gentleness, and kindness. He is more ready to forgive than to condemn. He looks at jackasses with pity in lieu of anger. He is constantly aware that humans suffer because of ignorance of true nature of things. Harsh words and actions are uttered and taken because of a lack of inner equilibrium. Let us all remember we all feel hurt, so if we must state our disagreements, we do so with kindness and grace.
Why we must talk about politics, religion and all the taboo subjects?
Let's face it. Most humans are cowards and prefer safety and avoid controversies. They don't want knowledge either about themselves and others. I take it back. They do want knowledge without paying a price. So they watch their fellow humans on the sly, trying to understand them for their benefits because their primary objective is to prolong their pathetic little lives, without incurring too much cost. In other words, they live a life with miserable, excessive preoccupation with safety. So it should not be a surprise they pretend to be friendly and avoid controversies and refrain from talking about politics, religion, and sex. They prefer talking about weather and sports and harmless subjects. They compliment themselves, thinking they are smart and practical and they will live to ripe old age without pains and sufferings and problems. But what is the fuck for? I wonder. What's the point of living if they never put their own lives at risk? In living in such a safe, cautious state, they might as well die or be regarded as a pebble lying by the roadside or as piece of dry shit. I want to live a life full of excitement, getting to know fully well who I am talking to and his values. So I always engage my interlocutor into talking about politics, religion and all the controversial taboo subjects. So if I decide I like the guy, I will stick with him as a friend, if not, I would regard him as a piece of shit and walk away. As simple as that. By the way, I would respect some humans more if they are honest and say, sorry, I don't want to talk about those subjects rather than those who pretend to be religious and brave and sensitive whereas in fact they are hypocrites, motherfuckers assholes as I unfortunately have known quite a few. As a matter of fact, the more cowardly a person is, the more the asshole craves power. The more ignorant a dude is, the more he tries to show off his knowledge.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Was Muhammad a devil and a pedophile?
Was Muhammad a devil and a pedophile?
Christian fundamentalist "pastor" Jones called Islam the religion of the devil and threatened to have a bonfire of the Korans to commemorate 9/11. I looked up the etymology of the word devil and was pleasantly surprised to learn that it originally meant slanderer or somebody who assaults the character of another person. All along I thought a devil had its roots in evil and was meant a person of evil deeds. But I suppose being a slanderer is committing an evil act, an assault of somebody's character. As a person who respects facts and truths. I would have to say I seldom practice this base, despicable, cowardly, cheap behavior even though I am often a victim of this behavior, the latest incident took place only a few weeks ago.
One of reasons why Muhammad was viewed as a devil was his marriage to a very young girl (Aisha or something like that), aged six, and a daughter of one of his associates. Please bear in mind that Muhammad did not consummate the marriage until the girl had menarche, some sources said when she was nine years old. I admit that this marriage was a stain on Muhammad's character and a reflection of a love marked by lack of self-control and wisdom. But since Muhammad had power and it was one of the rare circumstances he wielded unwisely. But the point I want to make in this morning's meditation was that this Muhammad's love and marriage to this young girl didn't make him a pedophile because of the following reasons:
1. Pedophilia is an illness, marked by an unhealthy and uncontrolled sexual attraction to very young people. A pedophile would not marry ONE young girl and wait for her to reach child-bearing age to have sexual relations with her. A pedophile is a sexual predator. He (can also be a she, but rarer) does not wait. And he does not limit himself to one single victim.
2. The fact that Muhammad waited and he only had one young girl as one of his wives established that his marriage to her was based on love. Love, as we all know, can strike us in unexpected ways and make us helpless victims. Very often, we don't choose love; it chooses us. I am talking about true, wild, authentic, genuine, undying, emotional love, not the practical version characterized by money, status, and lustful attractions.
Why do I bring up the subject of Muhammad's alleged pedophilia again? Reasons:
1. To show off my ability to reason logically.
2. To remind myself and all concerned that facts are not necessarily the truths although there is a link between them.
3. To demolish once and for all any lingering notion that Muhammad was a pedophile.
4. Religious matters, though intensely private, can be and should be subjects of public discussions because only through genuine, open, mature discussions characterized by a respect for facts and logic, can we grow intellectually and then we are free to draw whatever private conclusions about the matters we may like in the privacy of our homes and in the remote recesses of our own minds. Today and a few weeks ago, I mentioned that although I still don't believe in a personal God that has a personal interest in me and would listen to me in my prayers, I, after decades of reading about and reflecting upon and debating with others about God, have arrived at a conclusion that God is an experience, similar to the moment of enlightenment in Zen Buddhism. I have written about the experience, using borrowed words from C.S. Lewis, an atheist turned Christian, in a form of a poem.
Wissai
September 11, 2010
Anniversary of 9/11 attacks on Anerica, attacks motivated in part by religious impulses.
Christian fundamentalist "pastor" Jones called Islam the religion of the devil and threatened to have a bonfire of the Korans to commemorate 9/11. I looked up the etymology of the word devil and was pleasantly surprised to learn that it originally meant slanderer or somebody who assaults the character of another person. All along I thought a devil had its roots in evil and was meant a person of evil deeds. But I suppose being a slanderer is committing an evil act, an assault of somebody's character. As a person who respects facts and truths. I would have to say I seldom practice this base, despicable, cowardly, cheap behavior even though I am often a victim of this behavior, the latest incident took place only a few weeks ago.
One of reasons why Muhammad was viewed as a devil was his marriage to a very young girl (Aisha or something like that), aged six, and a daughter of one of his associates. Please bear in mind that Muhammad did not consummate the marriage until the girl had menarche, some sources said when she was nine years old. I admit that this marriage was a stain on Muhammad's character and a reflection of a love marked by lack of self-control and wisdom. But since Muhammad had power and it was one of the rare circumstances he wielded unwisely. But the point I want to make in this morning's meditation was that this Muhammad's love and marriage to this young girl didn't make him a pedophile because of the following reasons:
1. Pedophilia is an illness, marked by an unhealthy and uncontrolled sexual attraction to very young people. A pedophile would not marry ONE young girl and wait for her to reach child-bearing age to have sexual relations with her. A pedophile is a sexual predator. He (can also be a she, but rarer) does not wait. And he does not limit himself to one single victim.
2. The fact that Muhammad waited and he only had one young girl as one of his wives established that his marriage to her was based on love. Love, as we all know, can strike us in unexpected ways and make us helpless victims. Very often, we don't choose love; it chooses us. I am talking about true, wild, authentic, genuine, undying, emotional love, not the practical version characterized by money, status, and lustful attractions.
Why do I bring up the subject of Muhammad's alleged pedophilia again? Reasons:
1. To show off my ability to reason logically.
2. To remind myself and all concerned that facts are not necessarily the truths although there is a link between them.
3. To demolish once and for all any lingering notion that Muhammad was a pedophile.
4. Religious matters, though intensely private, can be and should be subjects of public discussions because only through genuine, open, mature discussions characterized by a respect for facts and logic, can we grow intellectually and then we are free to draw whatever private conclusions about the matters we may like in the privacy of our homes and in the remote recesses of our own minds. Today and a few weeks ago, I mentioned that although I still don't believe in a personal God that has a personal interest in me and would listen to me in my prayers, I, after decades of reading about and reflecting upon and debating with others about God, have arrived at a conclusion that God is an experience, similar to the moment of enlightenment in Zen Buddhism. I have written about the experience, using borrowed words from C.S. Lewis, an atheist turned Christian, in a form of a poem.
Wissai
September 11, 2010
Anniversary of 9/11 attacks on Anerica, attacks motivated in part by religious impulses.
Self-Respect and Sundry Items
Dear friends:
Every Sunday early morning always evokes in me feelings of contemplation and taking stock of events and happenings of the week just ended and preparing for the week to come. I was recently chastised for being base and disrespectful to myself for expressing public apologies to those I might have hurt during intense public dialogues with them. I was of course taken aback from this harsh assessment. I knew I was not a perfect person and if strongly provoked, I would summon all the verbal skills at my disposal and the full force of my intellect to defend myself and to put my attacker in his place especially if he used sophistry in his arguments. When the dust settled, as a person with uncommon sensitivity and overactive conscience, I regretted of using forceful language to make my points, instead of pleasant-sounding terms of which I do have in abundance. My apologies stemmed from the recognition of my failure to take a higher road in dialogues, not from any lack of self-respect.
Talking about self-disrespect, I think some humans do have this trait, not unlike acts of self-punishment and self-hatred and death wish. That is why we see some of us tend to lie, cheat, overeat to the point of obesity, drive recklessly, have extensive garish tattoo on arms, slander, spread false rumors, tell off-color jokes, post obscene cartoons on the Internet, use obscene language in casual conversations, dress sloppily in public places, etc...I don't profess to know the reasons for this illogical behavior.
Today marked the first time I resumed posting my thoughts. I did have mixed feelings of sadness and liberation. I thought of why the Vietnamese seem to lack solidarity and why the trappings of power seem irresistible to many. The fact that there are 22 existing opposition political parties and groups against the VC, and hundreds of competing Viet groups in Diaspora communities all over the world speaks loudly of this deplorable weakness of the Vietnamese. In my humble opinion, there should be no more than 2 opposition parties against the VC and there should be ONE single umbrella front against the ambitions of China to take over Vietnam.
Words do have meaning and power. They can bring both joy and sorrow, elation and depression. As a social being, I do need to interact with others, hence my need to express myself and to read the self-expressions of others. I interact with myself all the time. While it is okay to do so, I find that interacting with others is a much stronger catalyst for both emotional and intellectual growth. I do hope that I would feel soon more free and liberated here than elsewhere and if disagreements occur, they should be dealt with in a spirit of friendship and respect for facts, logic, and truths, and not in a tone of condescension and assumption of hollow power.
Every Sunday early morning always evokes in me feelings of contemplation and taking stock of events and happenings of the week just ended and preparing for the week to come. I was recently chastised for being base and disrespectful to myself for expressing public apologies to those I might have hurt during intense public dialogues with them. I was of course taken aback from this harsh assessment. I knew I was not a perfect person and if strongly provoked, I would summon all the verbal skills at my disposal and the full force of my intellect to defend myself and to put my attacker in his place especially if he used sophistry in his arguments. When the dust settled, as a person with uncommon sensitivity and overactive conscience, I regretted of using forceful language to make my points, instead of pleasant-sounding terms of which I do have in abundance. My apologies stemmed from the recognition of my failure to take a higher road in dialogues, not from any lack of self-respect.
Talking about self-disrespect, I think some humans do have this trait, not unlike acts of self-punishment and self-hatred and death wish. That is why we see some of us tend to lie, cheat, overeat to the point of obesity, drive recklessly, have extensive garish tattoo on arms, slander, spread false rumors, tell off-color jokes, post obscene cartoons on the Internet, use obscene language in casual conversations, dress sloppily in public places, etc...I don't profess to know the reasons for this illogical behavior.
Today marked the first time I resumed posting my thoughts. I did have mixed feelings of sadness and liberation. I thought of why the Vietnamese seem to lack solidarity and why the trappings of power seem irresistible to many. The fact that there are 22 existing opposition political parties and groups against the VC, and hundreds of competing Viet groups in Diaspora communities all over the world speaks loudly of this deplorable weakness of the Vietnamese. In my humble opinion, there should be no more than 2 opposition parties against the VC and there should be ONE single umbrella front against the ambitions of China to take over Vietnam.
Words do have meaning and power. They can bring both joy and sorrow, elation and depression. As a social being, I do need to interact with others, hence my need to express myself and to read the self-expressions of others. I interact with myself all the time. While it is okay to do so, I find that interacting with others is a much stronger catalyst for both emotional and intellectual growth. I do hope that I would feel soon more free and liberated here than elsewhere and if disagreements occur, they should be dealt with in a spirit of friendship and respect for facts, logic, and truths, and not in a tone of condescension and assumption of hollow power.
Pride and Dignity
Pride and Dignity
Flashbacks torture you because of your pride and sense of dignity. Don't ever do anything that compromise these two bedrocks of principles that govern your life and shape your conduct. Pride compels and impels you to move forward. Dignity saves you from acts of self-debasement. Don't act like a monkey. Carry yourself with regal imperiousness.
Once upon a time you loved a girl with all your heart, but she was not serious about you. She toyed with your heart. You foolishly suffered for a long time. You were not practical. You don't have ruthlessness inside you. You find it hard up to interact with assholes and motherfuckers and liars and cowards. To you, they are merely animals with a human face. That was why for years you stayed away from them. You didn't want to get disturbed.
Yesterday you tried to engage a guy in higher human impulses, but he got on his high horse and gave you lectures and excuses. So you backed off and gave up on him. You didn't bother to present any further arguments. You saw there was no use to do so. His mind was closed. He had the blinders on. Most humans are like that, lacking phylogenetic development. As you said before, the more you interact with others, the more you are appreciative of your nature which is marred with impetuosity and gullibility, but still better than that of most.
You looked at a very attractive girl sitting across from you at the airport. Her beauty calmed you down. You told yourself that you would work hard to get your financial situation in order, not necessarily to win the heart of anybody, but to feel good about yourself. The flashbacks involving women just reinforce the validity of causal concatenations and the causes of sufferings for following emotional and biological imperatives.
You keep telling you that you are good and kind and decent until one day you find yourself transformed by that belief. You are more patient and less condemning. Almost all of your concerns are about the interiority of a man because with humans the inside determines largely how he presents himself to the world unless the outside environment is so overpowering that the man's inner strength is sapped and eventually goes empty.
Flashbacks torture you because of your pride and sense of dignity. Don't ever do anything that compromise these two bedrocks of principles that govern your life and shape your conduct. Pride compels and impels you to move forward. Dignity saves you from acts of self-debasement. Don't act like a monkey. Carry yourself with regal imperiousness.
Once upon a time you loved a girl with all your heart, but she was not serious about you. She toyed with your heart. You foolishly suffered for a long time. You were not practical. You don't have ruthlessness inside you. You find it hard up to interact with assholes and motherfuckers and liars and cowards. To you, they are merely animals with a human face. That was why for years you stayed away from them. You didn't want to get disturbed.
Yesterday you tried to engage a guy in higher human impulses, but he got on his high horse and gave you lectures and excuses. So you backed off and gave up on him. You didn't bother to present any further arguments. You saw there was no use to do so. His mind was closed. He had the blinders on. Most humans are like that, lacking phylogenetic development. As you said before, the more you interact with others, the more you are appreciative of your nature which is marred with impetuosity and gullibility, but still better than that of most.
You looked at a very attractive girl sitting across from you at the airport. Her beauty calmed you down. You told yourself that you would work hard to get your financial situation in order, not necessarily to win the heart of anybody, but to feel good about yourself. The flashbacks involving women just reinforce the validity of causal concatenations and the causes of sufferings for following emotional and biological imperatives.
You keep telling you that you are good and kind and decent until one day you find yourself transformed by that belief. You are more patient and less condemning. Almost all of your concerns are about the interiority of a man because with humans the inside determines largely how he presents himself to the world unless the outside environment is so overpowering that the man's inner strength is sapped and eventually goes empty.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Survival
Survival
Somebody called you up and asked to borrow money. He started with $500 then worked downward to $100. He was persistent and pleasant. And so were you in refusing to lend the money. You simply said money was scarce for you, too and you needed to hang on every bit of it to survive. That was the truth and so was the fact that you didn't to be a sucker again. In the past, you lent people money only to see that humans were ugly and dishonorable. You lost tens of thousands of dollars as a result of your gullibility and kindness. You wanted to help people in times of hardships, but due to past experiences, you have come to a realization that the life you save should be your own. You have tried to save lives in the past and almost died in the process. There is something very ugly about humans. It's called ingratitude.
The phone call of the guy who asked you for money was a wake-up call. You must learn to manage your finances so you won't be in his shoes. You think you would rather kill yourself than begging for help.
You knew personally about human indifference and unkindness. People talk and yelp about love, but when you need help, nobody would come forward. The last time you were in the financial dumps and screamed for help, not a single soul answered your plea. You had to dig deep inside you to get out of the slump yourself. Ever since you have felt an unbearable sense of loneliness. When you think in terms of survival, all notions of romanticism and reverie are thrown out of the window. Love only occurs when the stomach is full unless the one who needs help right now was the one who unselfishly helped you in the past. So far nobody has done that to you. You are always the one who helps others. Sad.
Somebody called you up and asked to borrow money. He started with $500 then worked downward to $100. He was persistent and pleasant. And so were you in refusing to lend the money. You simply said money was scarce for you, too and you needed to hang on every bit of it to survive. That was the truth and so was the fact that you didn't to be a sucker again. In the past, you lent people money only to see that humans were ugly and dishonorable. You lost tens of thousands of dollars as a result of your gullibility and kindness. You wanted to help people in times of hardships, but due to past experiences, you have come to a realization that the life you save should be your own. You have tried to save lives in the past and almost died in the process. There is something very ugly about humans. It's called ingratitude.
The phone call of the guy who asked you for money was a wake-up call. You must learn to manage your finances so you won't be in his shoes. You think you would rather kill yourself than begging for help.
You knew personally about human indifference and unkindness. People talk and yelp about love, but when you need help, nobody would come forward. The last time you were in the financial dumps and screamed for help, not a single soul answered your plea. You had to dig deep inside you to get out of the slump yourself. Ever since you have felt an unbearable sense of loneliness. When you think in terms of survival, all notions of romanticism and reverie are thrown out of the window. Love only occurs when the stomach is full unless the one who needs help right now was the one who unselfishly helped you in the past. So far nobody has done that to you. You are always the one who helps others. Sad.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Dignity, Power, and all that crap
You take one day at a time until you are back to normal and then surpass your old self.
Strange that you felt like a teenager and a wave of loneliness washed over you. That was when you realized the past was never gone. It has been lurking in your mind all these years. A person is made up by the sum of his experiences. Be sweet, but be realistic and practical. Don't be a loser.
Value of latest discussions about censorship: primordial drives of aggression and power. A really strong man speaks little and knows how to yield the right amount at the right time in order to gain much more later on. Those who desire to win and lord over others at all times are weak and insecure, deep down. To be a leader, one has to be phylogenetically made for it, otherwise one just incurs resentment and contempt, if not outright hatred and extermination. Power is for the strong and the intelligent and the knowledgeable. Ambition without ability is self-destructive. Life is a series of concatenations--karmic, causal relationships.
Strange that you felt like a teenager and a wave of loneliness washed over you. That was when you realized the past was never gone. It has been lurking in your mind all these years. A person is made up by the sum of his experiences. Be sweet, but be realistic and practical. Don't be a loser.
Value of latest discussions about censorship: primordial drives of aggression and power. A really strong man speaks little and knows how to yield the right amount at the right time in order to gain much more later on. Those who desire to win and lord over others at all times are weak and insecure, deep down. To be a leader, one has to be phylogenetically made for it, otherwise one just incurs resentment and contempt, if not outright hatred and extermination. Power is for the strong and the intelligent and the knowledgeable. Ambition without ability is self-destructive. Life is a series of concatenations--karmic, causal relationships.
Reality Redux
Islam historically is a tolerant religion, much more than Christianity (read noted scholar Bernard Lewis) The current Islamofascists are an aberration, born out of a deep sense of outrage seeing the Middle East (birthplace and concentration of Islam although Islam is dominant in some parts of Africa) being dominated and humiliated by Western powers and of pro-Israel policy of the U.S., and of corrupt Arab regimes being propped up by the U.S. and Russia (in the case of Syria). The situation is complex. I don't profess to be an expert although I have an audacity to think I know more about the subject than an average person due to my interest in history and religion. The bottom line is that the so-called war against terrorism will eventually rob the U.S. of resources to reverse its course of relative decline and to deal with China which is the true enemy. Islam is not an enemy of the U.S. or of the West as many Christian zealots have tried to portray. But if aggressive anti-Islam measures are enacted in the U.S. and Europe, Islam will have no choice but to respond. (Not all Islamic countries are retarded. Look at Turkey and Malaysia). Islam was born in persecution. It does have a complex and fear of being wiped out by Christians and Jews. (Two Jewish tribes tried to kill Muhammad even after signing a covenant of peace with Muhammad). One strength that Islam has is that although it is plagued by the sectarian split between the Sunnis and Shias, it gives its followers a very strong sense of identity and solidarity and the followers tend to practice their religion more fervently than the adherents of other faiths. Most importantly, Islam commands its followers to come to the aid of their fellow Muslims if they are under attack.
The 9/11 attacks were unfortunate and could have been dealt with more effectively by going after Bin Laden with full force in the aftermath. Instead Bush Lite squandered the resources by invading Iraq under false pretenses. He did so for three reasons:
1. Personal vengeance: Saddam once plotted to have his Dad killed.
2. Under plodding of Jewish-American officials and oil industry lobbyists.
3. His God told him that it was a right thing to do (I did not make this up). It is very dangerous to have a leader who harbors a belief and functions under a delusion that he has a direct line of communication with God. Bush Lite was such a leader. As much as I have respect for truly religious people who take their daily prayers to God seriously, I think we should remember the existence of a sobering reminder that says: "Prayer is when you talk to God; Schizophrenia is when God talks to you." Several individuals have claimed that God has spoken directly to them and they took certain actions as a result of hearing the speech. Some lives have improved because of the speech; others have resulted in tragedies. As educated people who were trained to think in logical, facts-based manner, we should regard such tales with a grain of salt and give more credence to the phenomenon called auditory hallucination. Hallucination, both visual and auditory, is quite common. It pays to read about brain structure and functions and diseases and to follow developments in neural science since after all, we are what we think. Buddha himself had that insight more than 2,500 years ago. I laughed my head off when I was accused by a certain individual of having hallucinations! The asshole's English is so poor that it does not know the difference between delusions and hallucinations. By the way, the way I express myself, does that look like to you that I have either delusions or hallucinations? The asshole is the one who suffers from acute inferiority complex and ignorance and childishness and selfishness and cowardice and other kinds of ailments that scientists are working feverishly to find out.
The 9/11 attacks were unfortunate and could have been dealt with more effectively by going after Bin Laden with full force in the aftermath. Instead Bush Lite squandered the resources by invading Iraq under false pretenses. He did so for three reasons:
1. Personal vengeance: Saddam once plotted to have his Dad killed.
2. Under plodding of Jewish-American officials and oil industry lobbyists.
3. His God told him that it was a right thing to do (I did not make this up). It is very dangerous to have a leader who harbors a belief and functions under a delusion that he has a direct line of communication with God. Bush Lite was such a leader. As much as I have respect for truly religious people who take their daily prayers to God seriously, I think we should remember the existence of a sobering reminder that says: "Prayer is when you talk to God; Schizophrenia is when God talks to you." Several individuals have claimed that God has spoken directly to them and they took certain actions as a result of hearing the speech. Some lives have improved because of the speech; others have resulted in tragedies. As educated people who were trained to think in logical, facts-based manner, we should regard such tales with a grain of salt and give more credence to the phenomenon called auditory hallucination. Hallucination, both visual and auditory, is quite common. It pays to read about brain structure and functions and diseases and to follow developments in neural science since after all, we are what we think. Buddha himself had that insight more than 2,500 years ago. I laughed my head off when I was accused by a certain individual of having hallucinations! The asshole's English is so poor that it does not know the difference between delusions and hallucinations. By the way, the way I express myself, does that look like to you that I have either delusions or hallucinations? The asshole is the one who suffers from acute inferiority complex and ignorance and childishness and selfishness and cowardice and other kinds of ailments that scientists are working feverishly to find out.
Koran-burning Stunt
Muslims regard their holy book with more reverence than Christians view the Bible for the reason that the Koran is believed by Muslims as God's final revelations to mankind via Muhammad, the final prophet. I am not spreading nor debating the merits of such beliefs. I finally moved beyond that stage in my thinking. I merely wanted to draw attention to the import of such beliefs and how they can shape human behavior. There is a cliche' which says perception is reality. As a person whose preoccupation is with reality, religious beliefs hold an interest to me because I am interested in the thinking process and how humans having similar intelligence and education can have different views and opinions on certain areas. Certainly, it can't just be intelligence and knowledge, thus personality must come into play. And personality is a product of genetics as well as environment, especially that of early years (read: socialization and early conditioning). In other words, to call oneself truly educated, one must be conscious of all the forces that have a bearing on how one thinks.
While it's true that America is a diversified democracy where freedom of expression is revered, it is a stretch to equate burning the flag of one's own country with burning the holy book of another religion which one condemns as the religion of the devil. Please remember while some Christian extremists, such as the "pastor" Jones whose congregation consists of 50 families (yesterday I said 30, but that source was not correct. Now everybody is talking 50 families, not 50 individuals), regard Muhammad as the devil and unhesitantly call him so, along with many other choice words, as far as I know, not a single Muslim badmouths Jesus. There is a lot of truth in the view held by scholars and those who read history that Christianity attracts some wildly intolerant souls.
While it's true that America is a diversified democracy where freedom of expression is revered, it is a stretch to equate burning the flag of one's own country with burning the holy book of another religion which one condemns as the religion of the devil. Please remember while some Christian extremists, such as the "pastor" Jones whose congregation consists of 50 families (yesterday I said 30, but that source was not correct. Now everybody is talking 50 families, not 50 individuals), regard Muhammad as the devil and unhesitantly call him so, along with many other choice words, as far as I know, not a single Muslim badmouths Jesus. There is a lot of truth in the view held by scholars and those who read history that Christianity attracts some wildly intolerant souls.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Who I am and How Do I Compare with Others?
First of all, very few humans have the intellectual courage to write the following because most humans are overly concerned with public image and not with facts and truths. I do my best thinking in the twilght zone of between sleep and consciousness. Somehow some issues deep in the subconscious rise to the surface and if I take recognition of them, I gain some insights.
1. I do have religious impulses and Messiah complex.
2. I am not exceedingly intelligent. There are several stumbling blocks in my neural development and or structure which prevent me from grasping some mathematical notions although I am getting better. On the other hand, I am gifted with logic and languages. I should be gifted with math also, but I am not even though math is a logical language. Strange.
3. I care deeply for facts and truths. This fascination with reality is one of my saving graces.
4. I do have a capacity for love. And I do need love in return. Throughout my life, there is always at least one woman who professes to love me, but somehow I find the love not quite I have in mind. To my sadness, I have discovered that love is conditional and that almost all humans love themselves more than anybody else, as they should, I suppose.
5. I have had 22 serious relationships, out of those, ten women told me they loved me, but how come I feel lonely and misunderstood? I have no problem relating to women and lately I am much more subdued and wary. I don't care for sexual gratification without love. That's why I have not been to bed with a prostitute. I regard the transaction of buying and selling sex sad and degrading to all the parties concerned. The human sex organs are ugly and repulsive but under the influence of love, they can be viewed as objects of desire.
6. I can express myself far better than most. I have a lifelong fascination with words. I do regard myself superior in intellect and honesty and love to most people, thus I am a far superior human to most others who are actually animals in their hearts and intellects although they have human appearances. Yes, I do have contempt for most humans whom I regard as not evolved and developed as me.
7. Last night, as I leafed through a newly purchased book in French on the French Literarure in 20th century, I experienced peace, calmness, and pride. I should spend more time reading French and Spanish. I take exceptional pride in being able to navigate quite easily in 4 languages, and have cursory knowledge of 6 others. Trying to elevate my knowledge of the other 6 has taken a lot of time in addition to keeping up with the news and trying my hand at writing fiction and making money to survive. I do have a full intellectual plate.
8. I look at a monkey and wonder why it behaves as it does. The only conclusion I have is that it refuses to admit there are humans who know more than it does. In some areas, it just simply does not measure up. I look at other assholes and motherfuckers and ask myself why they behave the certain way. I have to conclude they are power hungry and resentful of my not-too-subtle way to assert my superiority in certain areas. I discern in them their flailings in trying to come up with sensible arguments and their pathetic sophistical efforts to score a point in logic and I feel much better about my gifts. I look at a precious few who have much bigger hearts than mine and I vow to be as kind and forgiving as they are because to get love, I must give out love.
1. I do have religious impulses and Messiah complex.
2. I am not exceedingly intelligent. There are several stumbling blocks in my neural development and or structure which prevent me from grasping some mathematical notions although I am getting better. On the other hand, I am gifted with logic and languages. I should be gifted with math also, but I am not even though math is a logical language. Strange.
3. I care deeply for facts and truths. This fascination with reality is one of my saving graces.
4. I do have a capacity for love. And I do need love in return. Throughout my life, there is always at least one woman who professes to love me, but somehow I find the love not quite I have in mind. To my sadness, I have discovered that love is conditional and that almost all humans love themselves more than anybody else, as they should, I suppose.
5. I have had 22 serious relationships, out of those, ten women told me they loved me, but how come I feel lonely and misunderstood? I have no problem relating to women and lately I am much more subdued and wary. I don't care for sexual gratification without love. That's why I have not been to bed with a prostitute. I regard the transaction of buying and selling sex sad and degrading to all the parties concerned. The human sex organs are ugly and repulsive but under the influence of love, they can be viewed as objects of desire.
6. I can express myself far better than most. I have a lifelong fascination with words. I do regard myself superior in intellect and honesty and love to most people, thus I am a far superior human to most others who are actually animals in their hearts and intellects although they have human appearances. Yes, I do have contempt for most humans whom I regard as not evolved and developed as me.
7. Last night, as I leafed through a newly purchased book in French on the French Literarure in 20th century, I experienced peace, calmness, and pride. I should spend more time reading French and Spanish. I take exceptional pride in being able to navigate quite easily in 4 languages, and have cursory knowledge of 6 others. Trying to elevate my knowledge of the other 6 has taken a lot of time in addition to keeping up with the news and trying my hand at writing fiction and making money to survive. I do have a full intellectual plate.
8. I look at a monkey and wonder why it behaves as it does. The only conclusion I have is that it refuses to admit there are humans who know more than it does. In some areas, it just simply does not measure up. I look at other assholes and motherfuckers and ask myself why they behave the certain way. I have to conclude they are power hungry and resentful of my not-too-subtle way to assert my superiority in certain areas. I discern in them their flailings in trying to come up with sensible arguments and their pathetic sophistical efforts to score a point in logic and I feel much better about my gifts. I look at a precious few who have much bigger hearts than mine and I vow to be as kind and forgiving as they are because to get love, I must give out love.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Silence
Silence
You must practice and observe silence. Humans are generally stupid and creatures of habit although almost of them fancy that they are clever and cunning when the needs to be so arise. They are pompous and self-important, too. Being silent makes their job of guessing who you are more difficult. Remember, life is essentially a game, and all humans are actors trying to survive and have a leg up on everybody else.
Recently there has been an influx of rap music into Spanish language music. Rap music is a strange phenomenon. When it first came out I thought it wouldn't last, but apparently it does and is still going strongly. It's more like urban ghetto poetry delivered with anger and defiance than music per se, yet it has extended beyond its original American black audience. There is a rap song in English being played on the Spanish-language airwaves. The language is sexually graphic and crude, but the accompanied music is surprisingly sophisticated and original and pleasing to the ears. As much as I respect and treasure silence, I do feel attracted to music. I wish I knew enough about it to make my own music. One of these days I will. All my learning and sources of pleasure have been visually-oriented. Now it's time to expand my consciousness aurally.
I went to the library over the weekend. And it occurred to me most of my education has been from the library. Library has been my refuge, my haven from the vicissitudes of life. Whenever I feel disturbed, I always find calmness among books where knowledge awaits me.
Some nice woman dropped me a line asking me why I use so much profane language in my blog since I don't come across like that in real life. I chuckled and chortled and smiled to myself. I just sent her a cryptic note: it's only an act. Ever since an asshole got moralistic on me, I have consciously been using more salty and colorful language just to get my rockers off and if the asshole happens to visit my blog, she or he or it (okay, punk, in the excitement of the incident and the ensuing aftermath, I forgot your sex. To me, it does not matter what sex you belong to. You are a fucking, cowardly animal, suffice to say) would get my message. I really hope I will be able to exercise complete silence pretty soon.
You must practice and observe silence. Humans are generally stupid and creatures of habit although almost of them fancy that they are clever and cunning when the needs to be so arise. They are pompous and self-important, too. Being silent makes their job of guessing who you are more difficult. Remember, life is essentially a game, and all humans are actors trying to survive and have a leg up on everybody else.
Recently there has been an influx of rap music into Spanish language music. Rap music is a strange phenomenon. When it first came out I thought it wouldn't last, but apparently it does and is still going strongly. It's more like urban ghetto poetry delivered with anger and defiance than music per se, yet it has extended beyond its original American black audience. There is a rap song in English being played on the Spanish-language airwaves. The language is sexually graphic and crude, but the accompanied music is surprisingly sophisticated and original and pleasing to the ears. As much as I respect and treasure silence, I do feel attracted to music. I wish I knew enough about it to make my own music. One of these days I will. All my learning and sources of pleasure have been visually-oriented. Now it's time to expand my consciousness aurally.
I went to the library over the weekend. And it occurred to me most of my education has been from the library. Library has been my refuge, my haven from the vicissitudes of life. Whenever I feel disturbed, I always find calmness among books where knowledge awaits me.
Some nice woman dropped me a line asking me why I use so much profane language in my blog since I don't come across like that in real life. I chuckled and chortled and smiled to myself. I just sent her a cryptic note: it's only an act. Ever since an asshole got moralistic on me, I have consciously been using more salty and colorful language just to get my rockers off and if the asshole happens to visit my blog, she or he or it (okay, punk, in the excitement of the incident and the ensuing aftermath, I forgot your sex. To me, it does not matter what sex you belong to. You are a fucking, cowardly animal, suffice to say) would get my message. I really hope I will be able to exercise complete silence pretty soon.
Stupidity
Stupidity
You live on the edge and have done a lot of stupid things in your life. You used to think you were smart, but now you are more self-aware and you recognize that all you know are just some big words and a smattering of useless concepts and notions about the world. Yesterday, you began looking at yourself from the eyes of others. You then realize that this world we live in are inhabited by a lot of self-righteous, cowardly, and lying motherfuckers and assholes which, not who, need to be shot down like pests. Once you have that vision, you keep a distance from those filthy, repulsive animals. Your visits and loiterings in this domain are indications of your efforts to seek refuge from those animals
You live on the edge and have done a lot of stupid things in your life. You used to think you were smart, but now you are more self-aware and you recognize that all you know are just some big words and a smattering of useless concepts and notions about the world. Yesterday, you began looking at yourself from the eyes of others. You then realize that this world we live in are inhabited by a lot of self-righteous, cowardly, and lying motherfuckers and assholes which, not who, need to be shot down like pests. Once you have that vision, you keep a distance from those filthy, repulsive animals. Your visits and loiterings in this domain are indications of your efforts to seek refuge from those animals
Entertainment
Entertainment:
I am reading a mystery novel which won a top prize (apparently there are several prizes for mystery novels. Why so is a real mystery to me. Why not a single prize. Same thing happens in serious fiction prize category. There are at least 4 prizes that I know of. But I am digressing). As mystery novel goes, this one starts real slow (or should I say, really slowly, to be grammatically correct? I swear that's how Americans are talking nowadays), but it picks up speed by the time Chapter Four arrives in town, and it starts going on all cylinders rollickingly and hilariously. I find myself smiling and chuckling almost every few minutes. The prose is clear, crisp, sparkling, and full of memorable one-liners. I am having a helluva good time. Life is good. And I am glad I know how to read. Let me tell you something. Reading this novel gives me much more pleasure than looking at nude photos of minority women in Vietnam taking a bath in some stream or of Caucasian women and men riding bicycles without any clothes on or even viewing some porno movie. The novel makes me feel vicariously clever while the sex-related materials make me feel like a retarded, socially awkward adolescent and somewhat cheap.
I am reading a mystery novel which won a top prize (apparently there are several prizes for mystery novels. Why so is a real mystery to me. Why not a single prize. Same thing happens in serious fiction prize category. There are at least 4 prizes that I know of. But I am digressing). As mystery novel goes, this one starts real slow (or should I say, really slowly, to be grammatically correct? I swear that's how Americans are talking nowadays), but it picks up speed by the time Chapter Four arrives in town, and it starts going on all cylinders rollickingly and hilariously. I find myself smiling and chuckling almost every few minutes. The prose is clear, crisp, sparkling, and full of memorable one-liners. I am having a helluva good time. Life is good. And I am glad I know how to read. Let me tell you something. Reading this novel gives me much more pleasure than looking at nude photos of minority women in Vietnam taking a bath in some stream or of Caucasian women and men riding bicycles without any clothes on or even viewing some porno movie. The novel makes me feel vicariously clever while the sex-related materials make me feel like a retarded, socially awkward adolescent and somewhat cheap.
Buzz from my mind. Another fantasy.
Alcoholic Buzz
I am not a drinker. Thank "God" for that. But I do drink a beer or at most two, now and then. And when I do, if I am in a jolly mood and life is going my way, I get a slight euphoria, also known as alcoholic buzz. That is when I realize the danger of booze. You have an experience of euphoria and you want to have a repeat of that experience again. Before you know it, you get hooked. Ditto for nicotine and other chemicals. A similar chemical process takes place when you fall in love. Some chemical, possibly endorphin, is released into your bloodstream when some girl catches your fancy. You become energetic, euphoric, and foolish at the same time. Your vision is affected. You can't see straight. That's why they say love is blind while herpes is forever, especially if you catch the herpes from the one you think you are in love with, but it turned out it was your money that turned her on, not your body nor your mind. But she was clever. She made you think you were smart, funny, and witty. She laughed her head off at your lame jokes. She gazed into your eyes adoringly. And she came almost nonstop like a long string of firecrackers at some Chinese NewY ear's Eve celebration. You are nodding your head. You are not alone. It happened to me, too. Four times. I was a fool. I lost a lot of money, all the while I was thinking I was irresistible to women. Now I am afraid the same damn thing is happening again. But this time, I am cool. I've learned from experience. But tell me what I should do when some chick barely in her teens wrote to me the following:
"I want you to be my safe haven, my calm from the world. I want to use your arms, your chest, your body to shut out the world. That is what a home is. hat I want from you is to walk down the aisle of a museum or an art gallery and read the words of the exhibits. I want to jump into the painting with you and become one with it, to feel a piece of music and let it absorb us. I want to feed you hrimp with chopsticks and pour cups of tea for you to drink.
I want to devour you, Roberto Wissai, mi amor."
I am not a drinker. Thank "God" for that. But I do drink a beer or at most two, now and then. And when I do, if I am in a jolly mood and life is going my way, I get a slight euphoria, also known as alcoholic buzz. That is when I realize the danger of booze. You have an experience of euphoria and you want to have a repeat of that experience again. Before you know it, you get hooked. Ditto for nicotine and other chemicals. A similar chemical process takes place when you fall in love. Some chemical, possibly endorphin, is released into your bloodstream when some girl catches your fancy. You become energetic, euphoric, and foolish at the same time. Your vision is affected. You can't see straight. That's why they say love is blind while herpes is forever, especially if you catch the herpes from the one you think you are in love with, but it turned out it was your money that turned her on, not your body nor your mind. But she was clever. She made you think you were smart, funny, and witty. She laughed her head off at your lame jokes. She gazed into your eyes adoringly. And she came almost nonstop like a long string of firecrackers at some Chinese NewY ear's Eve celebration. You are nodding your head. You are not alone. It happened to me, too. Four times. I was a fool. I lost a lot of money, all the while I was thinking I was irresistible to women. Now I am afraid the same damn thing is happening again. But this time, I am cool. I've learned from experience. But tell me what I should do when some chick barely in her teens wrote to me the following:
"I want you to be my safe haven, my calm from the world. I want to use your arms, your chest, your body to shut out the world. That is what a home is. hat I want from you is to walk down the aisle of a museum or an art gallery and read the words of the exhibits. I want to jump into the painting with you and become one with it, to feel a piece of music and let it absorb us. I want to feed you hrimp with chopsticks and pour cups of tea for you to drink.
I want to devour you, Roberto Wissai, mi amor."
Monday, September 6, 2010
Ego and Hatred
Ego and Hatred
You despise a guy because he offended your ego and the way he talked about himself. He may sense your contempt; he may not. You hate another guy for sticking his nose into a matter which was none of his business. The guys you despise and hate continue with their miserable, pathetic lives, but they outwardly show an insouciance, while you are the one who is mired in suffering and shortening your own life. Who is more stupid? Of course, it is you. Intellectual knowledge is useless if not reinforced by the wisdom of the heart. Your heart must be expanded to the point that animal stupidity and ignorance should not bother you. You pride yourself as being a true human, so don't let animalistic behavior (power intoxication and canine pack behavior in above instances) trouble you. Rise above them. Most humans have the appearance of homo sapiens, but the heart of a rat and the mind of a louse.
You despise a guy because he offended your ego and the way he talked about himself. He may sense your contempt; he may not. You hate another guy for sticking his nose into a matter which was none of his business. The guys you despise and hate continue with their miserable, pathetic lives, but they outwardly show an insouciance, while you are the one who is mired in suffering and shortening your own life. Who is more stupid? Of course, it is you. Intellectual knowledge is useless if not reinforced by the wisdom of the heart. Your heart must be expanded to the point that animal stupidity and ignorance should not bother you. You pride yourself as being a true human, so don't let animalistic behavior (power intoxication and canine pack behavior in above instances) trouble you. Rise above them. Most humans have the appearance of homo sapiens, but the heart of a rat and the mind of a louse.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The curse of being a social animal
1. Some people have noticed that there is a shift in my writing style. I don't know if the shift will be permanent or not, but I do try to govern my life by a respect for facts and truths and an overactive sense of fairness. My loved ones donot like my talking about myself in public as it smacks and smells of narcissism and overweening pride, but the truth is that I am a confessionist at heart (I am by no means unique. Henry Miller, Norman Mailer, Dostoevsky, Nietzsche, and many others were and are in this camp) and I am drawn to love and acceptance as prime motivators for my conduct whereas others, if I may so, seem to be motivated by money, security, power, and adolescent fixation with sex. Needless to say, I can't help but hold an unjustified contempt for those who worship at the altars of money, security, power, herd-like and pack-like behavior, and fixation about sex because from my perspective, those values are still animalistic, and not fully human. As humans, we have to cultivate those values which are distinctly human. If you see a discrepancy between my writing style somewhere else and that in my blog, the reason is that in the blog, I let the interplay between conscience and primordial drives of aggression and love full breathing room.
2. The only thing I could add further is that each human is essentially an island unto itself; that's why when true love and true friendship occur, life is suddenly beautiful and meaningful. There is only so much one gets satisfaction from one's work. Since Man is a social animal, his ultimate happiness is related to how well he maintains relationships with his kind. All my talks about myself and/or my comments and condemnations of my fellow humans are part of my struggle to establish a relationship with my kind.
3. Of course, I have been using the superiority of my verbal skills as a club to smash and demolish the falsehoods of the arguments of others and to expose the animalistic nature and cowardice of those assholes and hypocrites who try to evince sensitivity and respectability while trying to assert whatever fucking sense of power and authority they think they have. Little do they know that power has to be acknowledged, not asserted. What we eventually will have is a complete silence and abandonment.
2. The only thing I could add further is that each human is essentially an island unto itself; that's why when true love and true friendship occur, life is suddenly beautiful and meaningful. There is only so much one gets satisfaction from one's work. Since Man is a social animal, his ultimate happiness is related to how well he maintains relationships with his kind. All my talks about myself and/or my comments and condemnations of my fellow humans are part of my struggle to establish a relationship with my kind.
3. Of course, I have been using the superiority of my verbal skills as a club to smash and demolish the falsehoods of the arguments of others and to expose the animalistic nature and cowardice of those assholes and hypocrites who try to evince sensitivity and respectability while trying to assert whatever fucking sense of power and authority they think they have. Little do they know that power has to be acknowledged, not asserted. What we eventually will have is a complete silence and abandonment.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Spirit and Character
A person must have spirit to endure and character to live a virtuous life. Most humans you have come across have neither spirit nor character. In fact, they make you feel better about yourself. Of course, there are some who are so clearly superior to you in conduct and spirit that you can't help but be inspired by them. You are in between the devil and the angel, a work in progress, a constant striving to fly high.
You woke up this morning with a Spanish-language ballad broadcast in the air. The sweet sound of music makes you feel happy and in harmony with the world. Happiness can be very simple. Unhappiness or irritation can also comes from banal, trivial matters. Avoid animals, vicious animals with a human face since they are vexatious to your spirit.
You woke up this morning with a Spanish-language ballad broadcast in the air. The sweet sound of music makes you feel happy and in harmony with the world. Happiness can be very simple. Unhappiness or irritation can also comes from banal, trivial matters. Avoid animals, vicious animals with a human face since they are vexatious to your spirit.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Broken Heart
A guy just confided in me that the woman he was living with was seeing another man for money. He felt hurt and angry, but he was not ready to call it quits with her because he still loved her. He told me about her because I happened to know her. She dated a very close friend of mine for a while before breaking off with him and going back to her boyfriend. If you look at her, you would not know she is a type who would sleep around for money. She is attractive, soft-spoken, and demure. She does have a nice physique to go with her attractive face. Upon taking leave of her suffering boyfriend, I told him that his relationship with the woman was none of my business, but suffering over a woman was not dignified and sometimes we had to listen to our head, and not to our heart. I further told him I knew exactly what he was going through because I once was in his shoes and indecisiveness just prolonged the hurt.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Feelings
Feelings
Feelings are fragile yet deep and obdurate. So please take care not to say anything to wound or hurt others. I watched all the girls parading by and I felt hurt and sorrowful all because of Laura. I conveniently forgot all my triumphs. All I remembered was the only defeat I got because of my compassion and loyalty. Just like I didn't care for all words of praise and encouragement. All my mind seemed to register were nasty comments of animals and assholes and asinine hypocritical monkeys and doggies.
Feelings are fragile yet deep and obdurate. So please take care not to say anything to wound or hurt others. I watched all the girls parading by and I felt hurt and sorrowful all because of Laura. I conveniently forgot all my triumphs. All I remembered was the only defeat I got because of my compassion and loyalty. Just like I didn't care for all words of praise and encouragement. All my mind seemed to register were nasty comments of animals and assholes and asinine hypocritical monkeys and doggies.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Crisis Management
Live like there's a crisis everyday in your life. You would learn to put everything in perspective. You would know how to prioritize and to disregard little things that used to bug the hell out of you. So, tonight I learned to forgive myself for the mistakes I made today and for the mistakes I will make until I draw my last breath. I vow not to lose dignity or integrity in dealing with the mistakes. I vow to remain calm in the midst of the storm.
Self-Discipline
SD comes slowly, like a habit. It's built up day by day. Verde pissed me off last night by talking rot and trash about materialism and concrete measures, but my reaction was mild and controlled. Verde was just a common person like the rest. Flashbacks involving the asshole Teeamtee are now tormenting me. I wonder why the fuck he stuck his fucking stinking nose in the affair that was none of his business. He was like a little doggie behaving in the typical pack-like herd-like manner, running to the rescue and aid of his fellow member in distress. I wonder if the salty and colorful language I am employing would indeed offend the sensibilities of the assholes or they were just pretending to be polite, courteous people while in fact they were only a bunch of cowards trying to save their own skin while their fellow countrymen sorely needed help. The more I am discharging my aggression here, the more I am able to be standoffish for good somewhere else.
Sensitivity? My Ass!
Give me a crumb of power, I would gladly make an ass of myself. I would try to be assertive, using firm language to enforce law and order. I would at the same time try to show to the world that I am good and I am sensitive. Yech! What a crock of hard shit I am! I am like a little chimpanzee strutting around in my cage, being full of myself while real humans from the outside are pointing at me and laughing their heads off at my making a spectacle of myself. Oops, where is everybody? Where are my fellow simians? Why nobody shows up? If there is no monkey to lord over, what the fuck of any use of my new status as the Führer?
Lost Book. Lost Soul
Lost Book. Lost Soul.
I just lost a book. I must have left it at the restaurant. I was quite upset because I really liked it. Now I have to order it again from Amazon. I just have to be more careful. I am getting absent-minded.
But a lost book does not mean much, especially if it can be replaced. All I suffered was some annoyance and a paltry sum of money. But a lost soul is a vastly different matter, particularly when I am so fucking delusional and blind that I would not know that I have lost it. I am a coward but I fancy that I am full of common sense, thinking that if I stick my neck out for Vietnam, that would not do me any good. I am a liar but I don't admit that to myself, and yet I ironically and perversely accused a guy who is brash but very well known for his honesty and respect of facts and truths of being a liar. I made a fool of myself because the accused guy diligently dug up facts and showed to all my friends and acquaintances alike that I was indeed a shameless, brazen liar and a piece of shit. So what do you think who I am? I am just a croak of stinking shit, that's what and who I am. I have an appearance of a human but a heart of a pig and a mind of a rat. I am what you could call human trash and rotten garbage. I, together with my friends and allies, should be in shot down and exterminated like pests and vermin.
I just lost a book. I must have left it at the restaurant. I was quite upset because I really liked it. Now I have to order it again from Amazon. I just have to be more careful. I am getting absent-minded.
But a lost book does not mean much, especially if it can be replaced. All I suffered was some annoyance and a paltry sum of money. But a lost soul is a vastly different matter, particularly when I am so fucking delusional and blind that I would not know that I have lost it. I am a coward but I fancy that I am full of common sense, thinking that if I stick my neck out for Vietnam, that would not do me any good. I am a liar but I don't admit that to myself, and yet I ironically and perversely accused a guy who is brash but very well known for his honesty and respect of facts and truths of being a liar. I made a fool of myself because the accused guy diligently dug up facts and showed to all my friends and acquaintances alike that I was indeed a shameless, brazen liar and a piece of shit. So what do you think who I am? I am just a croak of stinking shit, that's what and who I am. I have an appearance of a human but a heart of a pig and a mind of a rat. I am what you could call human trash and rotten garbage. I, together with my friends and allies, should be in shot down and exterminated like pests and vermin.
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