If you want to know about Reality and Consciousness, look into David Chalmers, Daniel Hoffman, Thomas Nagel, and Roger Penrose. A long journey. If you want to bypass reading, meditate, do Yoga, open your heart, get rid of Hate, do some safe drugs like weed, dispense with sleep for a few nights, and observe Silence. Fear no Death. Watch out for your biggest enemy: Your Ego.
Life is a process of becoming what you are meant to be.
Last night I dreamed that I had to jump out an airplane to the waiting big canvas stretched out on a ship below in the ocean. And jump I did. As I was falling through space I woke up. The strange thing about the dream was that I was not terribly scared or agitated over the task. I was quite calm. I accepted my fate. I used to have a fear of heights. Not anymore. I have conquered my fear. My heart doesn't not race anymore when I get high up in an elevator looking down. To be human is to deal with one's fears and unfulfilled desires. I now can climb tall trees and mountains. Now I speak less and think more. I'm working to improve my inner strength.
I believe in self-improvement. Either I'm getting delusional or it is true that I'm getting wiser and sharper in understanding the world around me. I'm learning to view the world through other people's eyes, and no longer exclusively mine. I'm also finding out that I am wary and weary of people, and of a firm conviction that most of them are just lowlifes and deserve to be exterminated without mercy.
Certain shocking things said about me have made me wiser. My own mistakes also have contributed to a better understanding of the human animals. They forgive their own mistakes much faster than they do in regard to the mistakes of others. They badmouth, degrade, and denigrate me all the time. I used to be furious with such put downs. Now I either smile or say, is that so? I mean, how else could I react to a ludicrous, asinine remark from a simpleton: "Roberto, you are a stupid failure, a loser." Okay, bitch, I heard you and won't ever forget this incredible comment from you. Now I know more about you and your values. Thanks for speaking up your mind, bitch and calling me names. I really appreciate that.
As I exercise, make money, or learn foreign languages or do serious reading, I remember that remark from the ugly bitch. I meditate on the enormity of the cruelty and untruth of the remark. Okay, this is how the bitch really thinks of me. Good, I'm glad that I found out about that now than later. I must be running/interacting with/moving in a circle of stupid and ignorant human animals because I realize a great majority of what they say or do are incredibly stupid.
Today the crippled woman acted stupid, as usual. I mean, I don't quite understand why human animals don't know their lot and place in life. I guess they must act up so they can feel better about themselves.
I have been right about the bitch all along. Waste of time and nothing good coming out of the interaction, except a glaring, stark fact that either one has a rapport with so and so or one simply does not. There has to be Grace, an amazing grace, like poetry in early morning and late, gentle rain throughout the night, a shy, demure smile.
(To be continued)
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