Musings

Language Acquisition, Poetry, and  the Human Brain

Omar, mi amigo, as I reflect on the absurdly obscene characterization of me as a dense loser by a hideously ugly and ignorant female kike, I think of the wonders of language acquisition, poetry, love, math, and madness, and their connections to the human brain. Reading about consciousness and the human brain has calmed me down and kept my homicidal urges at bay. 

I'm not saying that anything I'm going to say is original or refreshing. Rather, any human possessing an iota of self-honesty would know all about it. However, the issue whether they're willing to confront dark and not so secret truths about themselves and others is subject to debate and speculation. I'm of the camp which maintains that most humans are at heart cowardly and fond of playing a mental game with themselves. In other words they tend to gloss over their shortcomings while magnifying their virtues. They tend to have a higher opinion of themselves than they deserve. Almost everybody I run into has this deplorable and despicable trait. Let me enumerate and count specific examples to back up my observation and my point.

My first and favorite example involves two female midgets. They are losers in life. There is a halo on their foreheads which has the shape of five letters IMAFU (I am a fucked-up), but ironically and comically they both outwardly evince a high opinion of themselves. I suppose even a fucked-up and mediocre monkey would have an illusion that it is a big and mighty 800-pound gorilla so it can strut around and feel good about itself although it mostly spends its time scratching itself and licking its wounds.

Other monkeys are more astute in the game of pretense because they are simply smarter and a bit more accomplished than the aforementioned midgets. They pretend to be noble and generous while I know from first hand interactions with them that they are cheap, fame-seeking, and power-hungry assholes. 

At a much higher level than the midgets and monkeys are rare individuals who fooled me completely when I first met them. They talked and acted in true noble fashion. Only in some rare moments do they let their guards down and reveal that they are cold, self-oriented, and unreliable. 

I have yet personally met modern-day Gautama, Francis of Assisi, Mother Teresa, Father Damien, or another reincarnation of Nelson Mandela who eschewed revenge and embraced reconciliation. Instead, day in and day out I have heard about justice, punishment, and extermination. As I have written elsewhere, Love, by its very definition, is all-encompassing and non-discriminatory. It is, as a wise friend of mine put it, "People that are difficult to love, need it the most. Love is when you sacrifice your own needs for the needs of others." I think I know what Love truly is. Sadly  for me, however, Love is conditional. I am not loving enough to practice an all-encompassing and r fttbtnon-discriminatoryff love. I only love those who are lovable although I do recognize that I am hardly lovable myself, not outwardly anyway. But I often wonder why women have flocked to me like bees to honey. Is it because I possess good looks and animal magnetisrfmf in abundance? Ever since I turned nineteen years of age, I have always had a woman in my life in some form of romantic relationship. 

But my sisters contend that all the women, except perhaps one, that have gone through my life are not nice or noble, so I should stop bragging about my amorous "accomplishments". Actually, I am not bragging. Not anymore. Rather, I am re-examining my life and my mind so I would not undertake any violent fateful steps to act out my fantasies. Words are the window into one's soul. My words have been lately very fascinating to me. Through them I've been learning about my mind which itself is a smorgasbord of conflicting traits. Ever since I first learned French and then English I've been aware of how my mind functions. Then I gingerly stepped into the world of poetry. That was when I learned some more about associations, obsessions, and the unconscious. I started speculating about the nature and role of math in connection with madness, the dichotomy of order and disorder, rationality and irrationality, construction and destruction. In other words, I think about the nature of dualism and whether dualism is the truth or just a manifestation of monism. The more I think about this, the calmer I get and the weaker the urge to kill, to smash the skulls of certain assholes into pieces. 

-Roberto, I told you before and I'm telling you again. You must not indulge in thinking about killing. You must not fancy yourself that you are a killer. Leave that heavy lifting to professionals like me. I don't think you can handle the aftermath. Generally speaking, you've  had a very lucky life. Don't mess it up any further. Find ways to deal with feelings and thoughts of violence inside. Do more exercise. Meditate more religiously. Have a project that consumes your time. Stay away from animals that set you off. Be cruel emotionally, if necessary. But don't be a killer. You were not made for being one. Trust me. Yes, the urge and the desire is strong in you, but your life would be much more complicated once you cross over the line. The animals are not worth the price. In your case, staying away from them is the best policy. Life is a very long race. You must pace yourself. Don't misplace your compassion or your anger. Be realistic. Control your temper. Keep your mouth shut when angry. I know you know that you are supremely rational in your thinking as evidenced by your not believing in a Personal God, in miracles, in life after death and all other bullshits that weak-minded and stupid folks do. Your only weakness is emotionality. You must learn to curb it. Once you do, you are untouchable. As simple as that. Learn to deal with your weakness. With practice you will be OK. I repeat, stop being sentimental. Learn to be cynical and cold-hearted. The life you save must be your own. I repeat once more, stop misplacing compassion. Nobody loves you. Nobody cares about you. Everybody just pretends. So you must learn to love yourself. Remember that and you will be OK. Do you know who currently are my role models? Barack Obama and boxers. 

I admire Obama for his skills to ingratiate himself with those who could help and for saying what people want to hear. The only two areas I disagree with him completely are his support of abortion and of contraceptives. It is my opinion that those who fuck around without bearing the responsibility of their having fun in the hay are lower than barnyard and wild animals. These animals, with very rare exceptions, don't murder their young. Regarding contraceptives, there are ways to avoid pregnancy, but requiring insurance companies to cover the contraceptive pills is just very low. If you want to fuck just for the fun of it, you must buy contraceptive pills or condoms out of your pockets. To ask somebody else to incur expenses because you want to fuck is way despicable. 

I hold boxers in high esteem because anytime you step into a ring, you literally risk your life for a few dollars. Only fools or brave or desperate people would do that. To survive a boxing match, a fighter must come to terms with bravery, tenacity, and hard work. Life is a boxing match. Don't get into a fight if you can't win. Know yourself and your opponents. Yes, Roberto, we all need love and understanding from the right person, but very often such a person is hard to come by. So the issue is whether you want to settle for the second or third best. The choice is up to you. Just remember, true love is rare. You must work for it and you must be lucky, too. In the process you must respect and love yourself. That is the job number one in your life. Until you do that, nobody respects and loves you. Remember, respect precedes love, especially in a romantic context. Don't get bent out of shape because of the snide comments and cheap slanders from bitches and assholes. Those comments and slanders say more about them than about you. Your reactions to them reveal who you are and the level of emotional and social development. Remember, the clearest expression of contempt is silence and avoidance, not anger. Just ignore bitches and assholes. Pay them no mind. Don't go near them. Treat them as if they were stinking piles of shit and garbage. Yes, you are welcome to exterminate them if given a chance, but be sure you can get away with that. Just don't behave in such a way that people hate you as much as you hate certain bitches and assholes. When angry, bite your tongue and walk away. Bide your time until the right moment to strike,  if and when it comes. If it does not come, it's okay, too. You cannot get everything you want in life. Learn to live with unfulfillment. But I'm going to leave you with three stories. I hope they make an impact on you and change your character. 

1. A 73-year-old high school teacher who has no desire to retire was sitting in a McDonald's restaurant with a 31-year-old colleague when a homeless guy approached them. His colleague gave $10; the older man gave $100. When asked why he gave that large amount, the older man said, "I'm 73 years of age. I have lived a full life. I may die at any time. And I have enough money to live. So if some person needs the money and asks me for help, I will do it."

2. The 31-year-old man was voted the "Teacher of the Year" for the 2013-2014 school year. The voting was done by the students and the colleagues. The young teacher refused to be interviewed by the media. He didn't want publicity. I know the man personally. 

3. A young (under 30) professional poker player won $15 million in a tournament refused to be interviewed by the media. He was pressed for the explanation. He said that although he made good money from the game, the game is evil and should not be given wide publicity because he didn't want to attract weak players who would lose money and sanity to the game! The below is the piece written by Daniel Negreanu who came in second in the tournament and received $8 million for his efforts. There were 42 participants in the event. Each was required to put in $1 milluon. 

"DANIEL - POKER JOURNAL

My Two Cents On Daniel Colman "Controversy"

03 Jul 2014

I wanted to take this time to address the whole Daniel Colman controversy that occurred upon him winning the One Drop after beating me in a fun, exciting, heads up match. The banter between him and I has always been friendly. I personally never had a bad interaction with him and really enjoyed the match. I have heard from other players that he has had some “run ins” with people, but this blog isn't about gossip, it's about what I can speak to personally about what happened.

At the end of the match Daniel came to me and said that he didn't want to do any of the interviews and he didn't want to promote poker. I told him I absolutely respect that and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I meant it. I asked him why, and he said that most people lose at poker and he doesn't want to promote something that has a negative effect on peoples lives. There is some nobility in that.

Truth is, most of you reading this, will be lifetime losers at poker. You are unlikely to become successful professional poker players. It is available to all of you, and some of you will find success at the tables, but the truth is clear: most of you will fail. Sucks huh? It's the truth and he is right about that. Not everybody can be successful at poker, but for me, I see things a very different way. You know how much I would love to be good enough at golf to play on the PGA tour and win big prize money at the majors? You know how many people play golf, striving to be a top pro, but fail? The vast majority.

I also would have loved to have the talent and physical ability to be a pro hockey player, or rub elbows with Lebron James in the NBA. That wasn't in the cards for me. Lots of young people devote their lives to a sport, but the truth is, the majority fail to succeed. Only the best of the best will make it.

Many NFL prospects, in high school even, bulk up to 350+ pounds in the hopes of being drafted and making a career out of it. The vast majority will not make it, and often will deal with life threatening health issues as a result of that. Dreams don't always come true, and sometimes there are real life consequences associated with those failures.

So, I respect Daniel Colman for having empathy for those people that may be jaded into thinking they can easily become a poker superstar and make millions. I wish, in the moment, I could have talked to him more about his decision to decline interviews. Questions I would have asked him:

What are you standing for?

What is the message you want people to hear?

Why not use this platform as an opportunity to educate those very people you are concerned for and make a difference for them?

I have read his statement, and he makes some valid points in it. I think (and he acknowledges this) that it's difficult to take the position he does, and actually still profit from the game, and the weaker players he exploits. I'm assuming when he plays heads up sit n' gos online, he doesn't inform his opponent that he is a professional and they are likely to lose the match.

Lebron James makes more money playing basketball than other players because he is better than them. Colman is a successful player and makes millions because he is an exceptional talent. An accomplishment I would hope he is proud of when he looks back on his life and the opportunities poker has now given him to be financially free and make a difference in the world however he chooses to.

He also mentioned the seedy underbelly of poker. Make no mistake, this world he is talking about exists. However, that's not all poker is. At least not from the lenses I look through. One Drop collected a group of wealthy men for a fun poker tournament, but the bigger picture? $4.6 million raised for a cause. MAKING A DIFFERENCE! All through a game we all love to play. 

I have seen the other side of poker. I don't deny the dangers for those with addictive personalities, those that put their well being in jeopardy because they overextend themselves. Having said that, studies show that typically people with gambling addictions are drawn to more instant gratification games like slot machines rather than a game of wits like poker. 

The other side of poker that I see, and have for 20+ years in the game, is one maybe Daniel hasn't experienced yet in his life. One where old folks get together to play penny ante poker and socialize. Bingo, Bridge, poker, things that get them out of the house, socializing, being connected with others, and having fun. I'm not advocating seniors blowing their pension playing poker, but if they want to spend $200 playing a game that most lose at, but they enjoy the experience, I see that as a very positive thing. Again, studies show that playing games and using your mind on a regular basis is excellent exercise for the elderly. 

Poker, and more specifically poker tournaments are a competition no different than any other competition. The cream rise to the top, make the most money, and the vast majority whether its pool, tennis, basketball, golf, the restaurant business, etc. fail. Capitalism as a system allows people to strive for big success in whatever career they choose. 

Daniel opened his statement with “I don't owe poker anything.” No, I guess not, but I would look at it differently Daniel: GRATITUDE! Being thankful that you found a game you both love to play and are also good enough so that you can make a life for yourself. You don't owe poker anything, sure, but poker has given you a lot. The camera crew filming the event, the dealers, floor staff, Caesars, the WSOP, ESPN, PokerStars.com for giving you an opportunity to support yourself, the players that came before you and did spend time promoting a game you would have likely never heard about. You don't owe poker, or me personally anything, much like when a waitress brings your order, you don't owe her a tip or even a thank you. It's just a gracious custom, much like doing a winners interview...

I applaud Daniel for wanting to live his life with a higher consciousness and looking more deeply at the bigger picture. I support that, and his right to decline interviews 100%. I also think people are being too harsh on him. He is young, and I'm not saying that in a condescending manner, just at the age of 24 life is just beginning, your views on the world, the questions you have, are just starting to form. I'm not the same person I was when I was 24, and I certainly don't hold the same views I did when I was 24. 

I'll leave this blog with one personal (not so personal) message for Daniel:

Whatever it is you choose to do in your life, make sure INTEGRITY is at the core of it. If you are genuinely having an issue with the morality of playing poker for a living, make a choice. Don't compromise your own moral code for money. If you truly believe in your heart that what you are doing hurts people, and you don't want to hurt people, you need to make a choice. 

If I may make a suggestion, why not continue to do what you love, empower others, educate others about the dangers of this lifestyle, and use the money your talents allow you to earn, to make a difference in the world? Not by staking people btw! Lol. You have the potential at a very young age to make a positive impact on the world, both with your money and intelligence. Don't waste the gifts you've been given, and be grateful for the kind of life you are able to create as a result of those gifts."

  

(To be continued)