Eric Segal says love means never say you are sorry. Siddartha Gautama says we must love one another as Love heals and transforms while Hate reinforces and perpetuates the status quo. A wise friend of mine says Love means you love those who need love the most, i.e., the unlovable. Love does not mean much if we only choose to love the lovable. I am only an ordinary, unwise, immature human so I am only capable of loving those who are lovable and staying away from the spiritually leprous and the unlovable.
Yesterday, somebody called me an idiot. I politely told him, "please call me by my true name, I am only a moron". Seven other persons at the table, where I was at, burst out laughing. He then said I didn't know how to speak English. I quietly asked him for a financial contest of English vocabulary. Each contestant puts up ten words, asking the other guy for spelling and definition. Online dictionary on the smartphone would be the judge. Who scores the most correct answers would be the winner. Each word would be worth $10. Predictably, he backed down and kept his mouth shut. But at least that guy, though full of puffery, had enough common sense to shut his mouth when realizing he met his superiors. Another dude whom I know quite well, is so fond of bestial imagery, especially that of horses and water buffaloes, when dishing out insults, that makes me often wonder if his forebears had lived closely among horses and water buffaloes or even committed acts of bestiality with these poor animals. This dude doesn't have common sense so he doesn't know to shut his mouth up. He does not know (from pitiful, pathetic lack of self-awareness) the more he talks, the more he reveals his stupidity, his ignorance, and his bestial background.
I have a lot of shortcomings, but I fancy that I have a modicum of self-awareness. I know I am unlovable. That's why I am thrilled to have Bác Tiếp and Bác Trác consider me as a friend. More importantly, I am delighted, grateful, even ecstatic, that my wife has not said goodbye to me.
I am trying very hard to be affable like Messrs. Tiep and Trac. Maybe I should take Buddha's words more to heart. Maybe I should open my heart to those who don't know how to shut up since I am the one who don't know how to shut up either.
Postcriptum:
A not-so-secret and quite ardent fan of mine religiously follows my blog although she lives way up in Fairbanks and has not actually met me in person though she has seen my photos (I am a very vain man. Vanity has its own advantages. It has forced me to hit the gym and the books. Besides, I am not bad in the looks department, either. Okay, now, you know that I love to brag. My mantra is that a man has got to be his most ardent fan. To me, a man, especially an insecure one like me, must be allowed--in fact, must be encouraged---to brag from sunrise to sunset [other time periods are for rest and recuperation]. Bragging is good for the soul. It brings a smile---sometimes even laughs, and along with them a lọt of much needed oxygen into the system---to the braggart, helping him to look cheerful and happy, even if inside, he's dying of loneliness and wrecked by feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.) called me up and we had the following conversation. I'm going to recollect it as much as I can.
-Roberto, mi querido, que' paso'?
-Nada.
-Bollocks! Dime la verdad. Que' paso'? Goddamit, speak up. What happened? I just read your latest post, the one about loving the unlovable and shit. And I didn't like it. Just fucking didn't like it. I just didn't understand why you had to debase yourself?
-Did I debase myself?
-You sure did. You wrote about your being called an idiot while you are only a moron and that you are "delighted, grateful, and even ecstatic" that your wife has not left you. You made me sick.
-Calm down. You should know I was just speaking in a metaphorical manner.
-Metaphorical, my ass! Sounded very real and literal to me.
-Did it really?
-Yes, it sure did.
-Sorry!
-Sorry? One thing I didn't understand was why you had to lie. Why didn't you speak the truths and facts like you always preach to me?
-What facts and truths?
-Goddamit! Roberto, stop being coy with me.
-I honestly don't know what's the fuck you're speaking about.
-Okay. Unless you fed me a bunch of bullshit before, I couldn't understand why you didn't speak about your amorous accomplishments instead of being "unlovable" and all that shit.
-But I didn't want to brag!
-Now you're telling me. But you did brag with me!
-But you're a friend. It was bad form, especially in a mixed company, to talk about my being a Don Juan, a magnet to women. I didn't want to talk about women of all ages, falling for me, left and right, day and night , because of my charms and magnetic personality and easy, pleasing manners, not to mention my drop-dead, gorgeous physique which gets better with each passing week.
-What's going on with that Vicky, the one you met in a poker room? Is she still after you?
-She sure is. She just invited me over to her house again and cooked for me a marvelous four-course meal, complete with dessert and after-dinner drinks.
-That was all?
-Should there be more?
-You tell me!
-No, a gentleman never kisses and tells.
-Okay. I can't force you to do what you don't want to do. Sorry for yelling at you. You know that I care, right?
-It's okay. I understand.
-But do you also understand that I more than care?
-Please, don't go there. I can't handle it.
-One more thing and I'll let you go. What's the fuck with that asshole whose forebears you intimated that they appeared of having committed horrible, shameful acts of bestiality with horses and buffaloes because he now looks so much like an ass whose language is full of self-righteous lies and replete with disgusting references to human female genitalia in clear and full spelling.
-The asshole is indeed an offspring of cross-species transgressions all right. Thst's why the mothefucker has no sense of shame. He is stupid and shamefully ignorant and wrecked by inferiority complex. He has no honor at all. He brazenly lies about me all the time. Let me tell you something. There's a thing called karma. Tragedies are befalling his goddammned, cursed family left and right. Every time I heard about it, I went to a bar and quietly savored my beer while contemplating about karma and the evils in this world. The motherfucker, for sure, will rot someday in some forsaken corner of a poorly funded hospice, dying of some horrible disease brought on by his own sins and misdeeds as well as the sins and misdeeds of his forefathers. I understand he's a stupid Christisn convert, so I know he thinks he will be "saved" and all that shit. What's a fucking joke!
-Loving the Unlovable
Eric Segal says love means never say you are sorry. Siddartha Gautama says we must love one another as Love heals and transforms while Hate reinforces and perpetuates the status quo. A wise friend of mine says Love means you love those who need love the most, i.e., the unlovable. Love does not mean much if we only choose to love the lovable. I am only an ordinary, unwise, immature human so I am only capable of loving those who are lovable. I religiously stay away from the spiritually leprous and the unlovable.
Yesterday, somebody called me an idiot. I politely told him, "please call me by my true name, I am only a moron". Seven other persons at the table, where I was at, burst out laughing. He then said I didn't know how to speak English. I quietly asked him for a financial contest of English vocabulary. Each contestant puts up ten words, asking the other guy for spelling and definition. Online dictionary on the smartphone would be the judge. Who scores the most correct answers would be the winner. Each word would be worth $10. Predictably, he backed down and kept his mouth shut. But at least that guy, though full of puffery, had enough common sense to shut his mouth when realizing he met his superiors. Another dude whom I know quite well, is so fond of bestial imagery--- especially that of horses and water buffaloes, when dishing out insults---that makes me often wonder if his forebears had lived closely among horses and water buffaloes or even committed acts of bestiality with these poor animals. This dude doesn't have common sense so he doesn't know to shut his mouth up. He does not know (from pitiful, pathetic lack of self-awareness) the more he talks, the more he reveals his stupidity, his ignorance, and his bestial background.
I have a lot of shortcomings, but I fancy that I have a modicum of self-awareness. I know I am unlovable. That's why I am thrilled to have Bác Tiếp and Bác Trác consider me as a friend. More importantly, I am delighted, grateful, even ecstatic, that my wife has not said goodbye to me.
I am trying very hard to be affable like Messrs. Tiep and Trac. Maybe I should take Buddha's words more to heart. Maybe I should open my heart to those who don't know how to shut up since I am the one who don't know how to shut up either.
Postcriptum:
A not-so-secret and quite ardent fan of mine religiously follows my blog although she lives way up in Fairbanks and has not actually met me in person though she has seen my photos (I am a very vain man. Vanity has its own advantages. It has forced me to hit the gym and the books. Besides, I am not bad in the looks department, either. Okay, now, you know that I love to brag. My mantra is that a man has got to be his most ardent fan. To me, a man, especially an insecure one like me, must be allowed--in fact, must be encouraged---to brag from sunrise to sunset [other time periods are for rest and recuperation]. Bragging is good for the soul. It brings a smile---sometimes even laughs, and along with them a lọt of much needed oxygen into the system---to the braggart, helping him to look cheerful and happy, even if inside, he's dying of loneliness and wrecked by insecurity and self-doubt.) called me up and we had the following conversation. I'm going to recollect it as much as I can.
-Roberto, mi querido, que' paso'?
-Nada.
-Bollocks! Dime la verdad. Que' paso'? Goddamit, speak up. What happened? I just read your latest post, the one about loving the unlovable and shit. And I didn't like it. Just fucking didn't like it. I just didn't understand why you had to debase yourself?
-Did I debase yourself?
-You sure did. You wrote about your being called an idiot while you are only a moron and that you are "delighted, grateful, and even ecstatic" that your wife has not left you. You made me sick.
-Calm down. You should know I was just speaking in a metaphorical manner.
-Metaphorical, my ass! Sounded very real and literal to me.
-Did it really?
-Yes, it sure did.
-Sorry!
-Sorry? One thing I didn't understand why you had to lie. Why didn't you speak the truths and facts like you always preach to me?
-What facts and truths?
-Goddamnit! Roberto, stop being coy with me.
-I honestly don't know what's the fuck you're speaking about.
-Okay. Unless you fed me a bunch of bullshit before, I couldn't understand why you didn't speak about your amorous accomplishments instead of being "unlovable" and all that shit.
-But I didn't want to brag!
-Now you're telling me. But you did brag with me!
-But you're a friend. It was bad form, especially in a mixed company, to talk about my being a Don Juan, a magnet to women. I didn't want to talk about women of all ages, falling for me, left and right, day and night , because of my charms and magnetic personality and easy, pleasing manners, not to mention my drop-dead, gorgeous physique which gets better with each passing week.
-What's going on with that Vicky, the one you met in a poker room? Is she still after you?
-She sure is. She just invited me over to her house again and cooked for me a marvelous meal, complete with dessert and after-dinner drinks.
-That was all?
-Should there be more?
-You tell me!
-No, a gentleman never kisses and tells.
-Okay. I can't force you to do what you don't want to do. Sorry for yelling at you. You know that I care, right?
-It's okay. I understand.
-But do you also understand that I more than care?
-Please, don't go there. I can't handle it.
-One more thing and I'll let you go. What's the fuck with that asshole whose forebears you intimated that they appeared of having committed horrible, shameful acts of bestiality with horses and buffaloes because he now looks so much like an ass whose language is full of self-righteous lies and replete with disgusting references to human female genitalia in clear and full spelling?
-The asshole is indeed an offspring of cross-species transgressions all right. Thst's why the mothefucker has no sense of shame. He is stupid and shamefully ignorant and wrecked by inferiority complex. He has no honor at all. He brazenly lies about me all the time. Let me tell you something. There's a thing called karma. Tragedies are befalling his goddammned, cursed family left and right. Every time I heard about it, I went to a bar and quietly savored my beer while contemplating about karma and the evils in this world. The motherfucker, for sure, will rot someday in some forsaken corner of a poorly funded hospice, dying of some horrible disease brought on by his own sins and misdeeds as well as the sins and misdeeds of his forefathers. I understand he's a stupid Christisn convert, so I know he thinks he will be "saved" and all that shit. What's a fucking joke!
- But Roberto, don't you think it's time for you to practice what you have preached to me? I see that the motherfucker is toxic to your soul. Just forgive him. Love him even, like a stupid, ignorant, self-righteous little prick that he is. Assholes never grow up. That's why they're assholes. How we react to events and assholes reveal to who we are. You're much better than you sound. You can think. Assholes cannot. So why do you hate them so much?
-Hate is an emotional, strong word. I don't really know if I really hate them as much as I despise them. You see, believe it or not, I have a nagging fear that deep down I may not be able to conduct myself as a real human with rational and moral faculties intact, instead of as a disgusting, filthy animal with only bestial tendencies. We hate those who remind us what we fear we might be. The asshole motherfucker reminds me what I may end up looking and being like, if I am not careful: a human from the outside but only an ass in feelings and conduct.
-But Roberto, life is a race against oblivion. Time is precious. Please, darling, don't squander your resources on assholes and scumbags. Start living. You don't have much time left. .
(To be continued)
(To be continued)
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