Henry Miller’s close friend, British author Lawrence Durrell, was not pleased at all with Sexus. In a letter dated September 5, 1949, he wrote that Miller was lost "in this shower of lavatory filth which no longer seems tonic and bracing, but just excrementitious and sad."
"I am trying to reproduce in words a block of my life which to me has the utmost significance – every bit of it," Miller responded. "Since 1927 I have carried inside me the material of this book. Do you suppose it's possible that I could have a miscarriage after such a period of gestation? ... But Larry, I can never go back on what I've written. If it was not good, it was true; if it was not artistic, it was sincere; if it was in bad taste, it was on the side of life."
Yes, the above exchange of the two writers has had an effect on you, an aspiring writer. You celebrate the magic of words properly employed. You are on the side of life, this side of paradise.
You recall the words of Nietzsche in his Ecce Homo (How One Becomes What One Is). It is an unique autobiography, the likes of which didn't appear before or have not appeared since its publication. By being carefree and intentionally antagonistic and provocative, Nietzsche supersedes the conventions of the genre. He is in your face, shouting and screaming and stretching his views to combative and poetic extremes. His life is that of an artistic and philosophical anti-hero whose life is a self-conscious, painful, and lonely journey of self-transcending. The preceding sentence is also an apt description of yourself.
If you have to brag, brag like Nietzsche, boldly and with no reservation. You must be convinced of your own greatness. And fuck false social conventions of modesty and moderation while you're bragging. With Nietzsche, Excess is good. Nothing exceeds and succeeds like Excess. You scream until you can scream no more and the remainder of your life is confined and condemned to silence, a fitting conclusion to a solitary man.
Yes, a mad man is not necessarily a stupid man. He could be just different and ahead of his times. He looks around him and he laughs. The world is indeed peopled more by monkeys than real men. Only monkeys would believe in a God and an Afterlife. Only monkeys would be vain and stupid and fearful of truths and guilty of self-projections.
When you interact with folks on the Net, you realize that most of them are so fucking dumb and ignorant that the situation is pathetic and laughable when these motherfuckers don't know how to keep their stupid mouths shut. As monkeys and dogs, they must holler and bark. Yet some of them in stupid fits of anger and rationalization, dismiss others as "stupid failures". Now you understand why Hitter was into genocide and eugenics. Man is a stupid but vain animal, deserving both contempt and wariness. The moment you view humans strictly in animal terms, you know your alienation from them is total and complete. You are no longer in flight from them. To you, they don't even exist as real humans. They are sub-humans to you. If you could, you would expedite their departure from this world; you would put an end to their useless, subhuman, despicable, miserable existence.
On the way to work this afternoon, an NPR interview of a professor of philosophy reinforced what you have known about consciousness and your own thinking of what a gifted human you are in the areas of metaphysics and consciousness. Either a human knows about these areas or his mind is shut off, blocked off from understanding these matters and has to resort to the crutch called "God" to explain the mysteries of the Universe and Human Existence.
Far into the night, lying in bed and listening to Latin American music on Pandora makes him get in touch with some of the sublime aspects of being human: language and music.
You told a new friend that you don't subscribe to the common adage that the Self is abominable. The Self is what it is. Only when we excessively glorify or denigrate it does it become a problem. We all need to be honest to ourselves and others. We have to come to terms with who we are. Of course we have to improve ourselves to be a better person in all aspects-intellectually, morally, emotionally and physically, but we must never run away from who we are by falsely presenting ourselves to the world. But all assholes in this world do exactly that. TamiKaKa, the lying and envious motherfucker, is a prime example. This douche bag is an intellectual fraud. This scumbag is pure garbage, deserving to be exterminated like a rabies-carrying rodent.
In this world, there are many humans that behave worse than beasts in the jungle and barnyard animals. You have met many of them.
The more you live and interact with the two-legged beasts called humans, the more you are convinced of your superiority in the areas of philosophy, religion, and language. And you can't stand loud and persistent dumb asses which, not who, make stupid, meaningless, and pathetic noises when they open their mouths to speak. These motherfuckers think they can fool others with the noises they make.
Jeff Goldblum in an interview conducted by Esquire magazine in the July 2016 issue articulated so many thoughts that eerily resemble yours, especially when he said that he was a late bloomer. Like him, things have got startlingly clear to you since you turned sixty. You don't really have strong regrets over how your life has turned out. You are taking full responsibility for all your actions and acts of omission. You are learning more about you, the dark, hidden recesses of your mind, and what really turns you on and what turns you off.
Life, to you, is a nonstop adjustment of your thinking based on facts happening around and to you. You don't impose your theory/model/mode of interpretation on facts. Rather, you use facts to build and modify your theory. That's why you have arrived at the following tentative conclusions:
1. There is no God. A man's values and attitudes are determined from this important departure. Man is alone, doomed to die and returned to Nothingness.
2. Love is hard work, requiring an emotional and social maturity and how a man has been treated. You have made many, many mistakes in this endeavor.
Nobody loves you more than your mother and maybe yourself.
To be loved, one must make oneself lovable. That's a law.
By all means, fall in love over and over again, but be very careful every single time. Most humans are not what and who they seem to be.
3. Most humans (80%) are assholes and scumbags. Out of that, around 40%, deserve to be exterminated like vermin.
4. Politics is all about power. One must have power to do good on s large scale.
5. You can tell about the essence of a man by the way he handles money. Is he generous, fair, or fucking stingy?
6. Lying is mostly cowardice. Sometimes it reflects wisdom.
7. Never, ever give up. Try and try again. Persevere in doing what you think is right.
8. Sex is overrated. Love is not. How a man has sex reflects his dark, primitive self. You can love without sex, but a sex without love while temporarily satisfying leaves a man empty and lonely and unconnected afterwards.
9. Respect Silence. Speak only what is true, nice, and comforting.
10. Learn to forfeit, forgive, and forget. Most humans are not quite human. They are still chimps. By all means, feel superior to those you despise and loathe. That will help you keep your mouth shut. No sane man wants to have a dialogue with a scumbag. It takes strength to ignore taunts and provocations. But then when a silent man acts, it is all bloodshed and pure violence. Trump is a piece of human trash: insecure and blustering. Obama is more developed on the evolutionary path. Trump is pretty much a chimp, a smart chip but still a chimp whereas Obama is a real human in both appearance and soul. Those who hate and despise Obama need to confront who they really are. Sometimes what and whom we hate reflects what and who we really are.
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