House of Flying Daggers
Somebody's knocking on the door of my heart?
Is it true or am I dreaming?
Oh, my lady, please don't depart;
My heart's door is open, come on in.
A marvelous film. I just watched it again. Wonderful narrative. Wondrously romantic. True love is to die for the one you love. True love is like parental love: self-sacrifice and unconditional. Haunting flute music and cinematography are marvelously done. A work of art. A masterpiece in baroque, magical realism.
This movie and Pulp Fiction are the two films that define me. Pulp Fiction is a religious movie, despite the ultra-violent overtones.
HTAX( Spring Sunshine by the Lake), the same oval face, the long hair draping the shoulders, the same, sweet, gentle voice, the top student of the class.
Asceticism, meditation, paranormal powers. You must learn to fly with fire and style.
Pride and Silence.
Memories and longings. Truths. Be truthful to oneself. Death.
Life starts with Love and ends with Love.
Keep a green bough in thy heart and birds will gather and sing for thee every morning.
Be gentle, ever gentle.
Sexual desires must originate from Love. Sex is an act of giving oneself to the Other, not possessing the other.
I write for Cherry, the memories of hand-holding, the unconscious expression of love and desire, and communication and communion.
"Mr Wissai, I'm a good person. I've helped a lot of people. I am a giver. Never a taker. I have never hurt anybody, never said a mean thing to anybody. That's why God loves me and protects me. I have peace, Mr. Wissai, knowing that I'm loved and taken care of by God. Whether or not that sounds illogical and untrue to you, it does not matter to me. The important thing is how I view myself and how God views me. You understand?"
"Cherry, my dear Cherry, I do, I do completely. I also do know about the secret dreams and silent fantasies of the human heart. Why don't you look up some Chinese meditation flute music on YouTube tonight? Maybe then, you will understand the longings of my heart."
I write for Martha, the unspoken affection and respect, the nobility in bearing, speech, and deeds, the awesome signs of advanced spirituality.
Truths must be spoken/delivered with kindness. Treat and speak to others the same way you want to be treated and spoken to.
Aggressiveness is a mask for weakness. Firmness is better than aggressiveness. Aggressiveness lacks the respect and kindness inherent in firmness.
Educated, literary, stylish, light on his feet, a happy warrior who never raises his voice even when delivering bad news. You must cultivate this ability.
Translate/transmute the patter of empty talk into the argot of real life.
Warrior ethos. Death is a constant adviser. Live in death helps you understand the meaning of life.
This fucked-up, cruel world is for the strong-minded folks only. Weaklings cannot survive.
H is for Hawk, W is for Wissai. R is for Roberto. RHW.
You are measured and judged by how you express yourself, in deeds and in words, in the clothes you wear, the car you drive, the way you eat, and how you handle money. A noble person does every thing in a noble way: polite, considerate, pleasant, self-possessed, and alert. A bum, on the other hand, has allowed the dignity to slip away from him. A bum is not necessarily a person without money. It could be a person without manners, without self-respect, without respect for others. All the bum does is for himself. He uses others, by instinct. He's not developed into a human yet.
In old age, things begin to take on a startling clarity. I am also able to step back and look at myself objectively, in the eyes of others. We all started from the Self and we reach out, step out, and learn to take The Other into our consideration. That's what love is all about.
When you eat meat, it should be the meat of a live animal you expend time and energy to hunt and kill, not a piece of a carcass you bought from the store, not part of an animal raised for food, without its knowing so until the moment it was led to the slaughterhouse. Hunting for good makes you feel like an animal, but the moment of its death makes you feel like a human. And you feel more so as you dress it, cut it into pieces, put them in an icebox, bring the pieces home and store them in the freezer. After a few hunting expeditions, the bloodlust, the primeval call of the wild dies down as you look at the eyes of the animal you just killed, from a distance, with a rifle equipped with a scope, the eyes that just glazed over, unfocused, gray and lifeless, desperate and then resigned, you feel sick and sad and empathetic. Then one day, you bring the hunting rifle to the pawn shop. As you leave the pawnshop afterwards, you feel a return of humanity in you. You now respect life. You learn to tame the anger within. From now on, you only kill in self-defense. You also cease eating meat.
I no longer dwell on the archaeology of grief or the architecture of my current malady and my looming death. I stay at the present, one day at a time, savoring life, making the most of it while preparing to say farewell to everything I hold dear in my heart. Note that I don't use the word "everybody" as deep down there's nobody, there lies the rub. We came into this world alone. And we die alone. And around us are selfish assholes, not angels. Who says living is easy? Greed and competition for power and benefits makes living a drudge. Some stupid assholes even hanker after empty fame since they stupidly think that fame equates respect. I give no shit about fame, but I do care after about respect. Without respect, assholes would step on you. So you must be careful to navigate through life. Speak only when you have no choice. And speak nicely of and about people, not disparagingly. There is no point in making enemies. Keep your contempt hidden from view.
We can only understand those who are equal or less endowed than us. We can never understand those who are better than us. That's the humbling truth we must accept. So to those who think that they are better than us and don't want to have anything to do with us, we must understand the reason and respect their wish. There's no point to ask for humiliation and disdain from them. Life is too short for that.
The book "H is for Hawk" is a difficult book. It is meant to read very slowly, but you will become wiser after reading it. So read it only when you have plenty of time and in a relaxed state of mind. We get out of books of what we put an effort into it. The same as every undertaking in life. Life experiences, especially the adverse ones, make us wiser. What does not kill us, will make us stronger. We have become immune to pains, sorrows, disappointments, betrayals. A man with a dog means he has love within and has learned to trust dogs more than humans. Dogs don't hurt you, but humans always do, sooner or later. Take my words for it and bring them to the bank.
I daydream and fantasize and think of Cherry/ Salomé. Silent dreams and secret fantasies. That's been the nature of my romantic life. I am a dreamer at heart. I go after the impossible and the far-out. The feasible and the commonplace bore the bejesus out of me. So, I fuck you long and hard, tender and passionate. I fuck you like I have never fucked before. And you are fucked like you have never been fucked before. Together we reach the realm called Love and Care and Concern. And afterwards we no longer feel alone or lonely. Instead, we feel safe and secure. Life is sweet because we each found out that somebody does care. So if one of us dies, the other still has the strength and the equanimity to carry on. Happiness is simple. It's being who you are and somebody loves you just the way you are. I may die at any moment now, but somehow I am not afraid. Love is the Peace that you experience, the Confidence of your Worth, and the Acceptance from someone whom you respect and for whom you have affection.
Love is to die for the one you love. That's the reason why I love the film "House of the Flying Daggers", a sumptuous, lush, romantic treatment of love. If you have never had a feeling of protection, of self-sacrifice, of giving of your own life for the Other, you don't really know what the fuck Love is all about.
If you want to be loved, don't be repulsive in appearance, words, and deeds (words and deeds are the manifestations of thoughts. So watch your thoughts). For years I was accused and laughed at for being childish. Of course, my feelings were hurt but in fairness I deserved to be mocked, laughed, and ridiculed. I was childish, pure and simple. I didn't know any better. I acted from instinct. Then solely I began looking at myself from the Other's perspective. It dawned on me that I was too self-oriented and too impulsive. So I made an effort to change to end the sufferings. I am working towards to practicing silence and eschewing revenge. Life is too short to tangle with the ignorant, the stupid, the envious, the hypocritical, and the vicious. They suffer and want me to suffer as they do. Silence from me breaks the vicious cycle.
(To be continued)
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