Prison and Castle

The Prison and the Castle of a Human Mind, an Interior Journey prompted by an Exterior Cruise in the Mediterranean

***The more I am misunderstood and scorned, the better I am in expressing myself. I want to write what I feel deep inside and I want to feel what I write. My words are both my weapon and life jacket and I don't mean them just metaphorically. I write so I don't actually commit acts of extreme violence. I am an angry old man. I have a delayed response to taunts and ridicules. Most writers write, therefore they exist. I'm no exception. J'écris, donc je suis. J'écris des poèmes romantiques primitifs afin que je puisse être aimé de la manière que je voudrais.

***Most people are blind in their blindness. They're overconfident in their opinions, impressions, and judgments. They exaggerate, inflate, and amplify how knowable the world is and how knowledgeable they are about the world. One reason why I'm carrying this smug, insouciant smirk of arrogance is that I am not one of those people. I know I am ignorant and I am working hard step by step to overcome the ignorance.

***Somebody has opined that I am a deeply romantic, reckless man with a definite value system. I don't know for sure that's who I am, but I won't quarrel with the description. For a longest time, I've experienced what would be commonly characterized as loneliness. Now I kind of treasure that aloneness, that time being with myself. I now don't care for human company as I find most humans miserable and unwittingly ridiculous and "funny". I go at great lengths not to blow up when I have to interact with humans in my daily life. Most of the time, I go to work, make small talk when I have to, and then go home and read or write when I feel an urge. I do keep my ears open at all times when I am around animals and simians because their speech fascinates me for their vaporousness and vacuity. Now and then I do run into real humans, then I become a chatterbox. I would talk nonstop, full of animality and free of animus.

***I am so glad that Obama won the election contest. I am not going to intimate that I am anywhere remotely like him in talents and ambition, but I certainly can venture an audacious, bold opinion that I understand the man solely on the basis of what programs and policies he has put through or advocated. Here is a man who wants to make a difference in the lives of the common folks and also do something beneficial for the nation he loves over the strenuous and assiduous and asinine objections of the Far Right and their stupid, empty-headed, herd -like Vietnamese Republican slavish followers who gleefully and frantically disseminated in the waning weeks of the election campaign on the Net, the most ridiculous, stupid anti-Obama propaganda ever imagined, without pausing and asking themselves if the propaganda was patently false and filthy and ridiculous. Now Obama has four more years to carry out his agenda. It's a pity he has aged visibly. I wish him luck and success. I also wish the dejected, depressed, and depressing Vietnamese Republicans who actively participated in the recent demonization of Obama, peace of mind so they can carry on with their miserable lives. I further wish to shout into their ears, hopefully penetrating through their thick, Neanderthal skulls that their failed candidate---their idol with feet of clay--- was a man who was willing to say anything to get nominated by his party and then say the opposite to get elected President; in other words, they were supporting a shameless liar, a prevaricator, a man without core principles except pursuing Money and now Power.

Ah Power, one of the most---if not the most---enticing, intoxicating, objects and objectives for most humans. You can use Power as an analytical tool to understand most human behavior (the other tools are Survival, Love [inclusive of understanding and acceptance], and Respect). No where is Power more manifest than in Rome, the seat of an once glorious earthly empire and the nerve center of another hidden empire which maintains its power by controlling how its subjects (who also unwittingly function as objects) to think and thus to behave. I am currently visiting the Vatican City, and witnessing the power the empire exerts on its awe-stricken followers via the imposing Saint Peter's Basilica and the innumerable and impressive objects of art and devotion inside. The serenity on the faces of the visitors and the self-importance of the officious-looking guards outside and inside the buildings drive home the message that Man is indeed an unique animal who does concern itself with Meaning, Appearance, and not always with Reality though he certainly loudly proclaims so. Reality must be understood via a serious study of the meaning of life, of the "purpose" of human existente, and of course of what happens to us after we die. Reality is not necessarily what we believe in. What we believe in must be grounded on incontrovertible facts, irrefutable logic, and must be subject to verification by means of testing and duplication under similar circumstances, otherwise what we take for Reality is merely Delusion driven by Fear and Ignorance, abetted by the attractions to Grandeur.

***Of course, I recognize there's something that approximates both sweetness and savagery in these words of mine, something akin to a psychopath's squinting recognition that reality is slipping away underneath his feet and sanity is out of reach. But hey, there 's also something else, something much more important and often beyond the understanding of lesser minds. It's called self-mockery. I'm the most self-conscious and spontaneous guy I know. I'm a walking contradictions. But one thing I am definitely not: furtive and phony. Furtiveness and phoniness, embodied in the failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney, are indications of cowardice. And cowardice is something I am very fearful of. All my life there has been a struggle against cowardice: death, job security, acceptance by peers, loneliness, and search for love. During the struggle, I have always found myself on the side of irrationality because I cannot live with myself if I conduct myself in a cowardly manner.

***The tone of relentless self-examination and self-consciousness leaches so fulsomely out of every word in this meandering narrative that it begs an inevitable question: why?

I often find it ineluctable that I am drawn to the "Why" questions. Why am I here? Why is Love so important to me? Why are most humans cowardly and mendacious and delusional? Of course, I can easily dole out answers to these questions, but I wonder if the answers really penetrate into the essence of reality. Is life really all about self-actualization and survival and respect and love and acceptance? Is life that simple?

***The ship (Norwegian Jade) docked in Alanya, Turkey two and a half days after leaving Rome. The town looked clean, sleepy, and not so prosperous. I took a walking tour of the town. I stopped at a local mosque. I was struck by the stark simplicity of the house of worship. There are no pews or chairs (could be a carry-over of the tent experience in the Midle East. Sitting on the rug inside a tent after hours was a matter of course if you travelled by camel. It would be too much and quite stupid to carry around chairs with you) and of course no pictures and statues depicting human forms, imagined or real, of any kind (God transcends humans. Man is not made in the image of God). The mosque is primarily a place where the believers come together and pray, not to hear fantastical stories narrated by men who are held to be superior to the folks they are telling stories and delivering sermons. I suppose the act of submission to God bye prostrating either in isolation or together with fellow believers signifies real humility and in communion with some transcendent feelings. I don't really know for sure. There is a ritual involved and the believers are supposed to undergo some awareness or transformation for the better. Other religions have similar rituals, but it appears to me Islam stresses simplicity than most, except perhaps Zen Buddhism. Personally, I find it repugnant and repulsive when splendor is associated with spirituality. Let lesser minds exude awe when they step into a house of worship replete with resplendent grandeur and splendor. To my mind which I always hold to be vastly superior to at least 95% of mankind, spirituality is about asceticism and simplicity. Truths are often bare and unadorned and simple. To adorn a house of worship with splendor is to cater to the lowest human sensibilities. Most humans are easily affected by the environment. Power-seekers know this human propensity very well. Let's face a simple, stark fact: most humans are not developed beyond the animal level. Don't tell them that fact, however. They will jump up and down in anger even though in their hearts of hearts, they know about that fact. That's why praying, the most self-delusional and self-debasing act of all, is very appealing to them. That's why they flock to houses of worship to hear mind-controllers to feed them half-truths and falsehoods. Real thinkers find most, if not all houses of worship, unnecessary. They prefer solitary caves or small, private corners of their house where they come in touch with themselves and Reality.

I left the mosque with two brochures: one in English, the other in German. There were no other non-Turkish language brochures available. The English and German brochures are not of the same subject. My German is rudimentary, but I can roughly understand the gist of the brochure. It's about the significance of the Koran. The English brochure is about Muhammad who is loved and revered by the followers, but definitely not considered holy or divine. He was born a man and died as a man, although his conduct was regarded pious and exemplary.

I left the mosque with peace in my heart and tranquility on my mind. I walked back to the ship, slowly and a bit transformed. I promised to myself henceforth that I would practice forgiveness with my conduct and gentleness with my speech. The man who guarded the mosque gave me a rosary. I will use it during my meditation. I meditate. I don't pray. I don't ask for help and succor from a "Higher Power" even when I am in distress. I can't deceive myself.

***Words of Tina Brown, editor in chief of Newsweek magazine, issue April 9, 2012, page 4:

"Jesus was a lone, wandering preacher with a small knot of followers. His message was radical: leave your family, give away all you own, and devote y ourself selflessly to God--which meant loving not only one's neighbors, but also one's enemies. He was adamantly apolitical, even to the point of refusing to defend himself at his own trial. He never spoke of homosexuality or abortion. And his only comments on marriage were confined to condemnation of divorce and a forgiveness of adultery.

So, how did we get to the point where the message of Christianity in America has drifted so far from Jesus? why has the religion been so thoroughly hijacked by political busters and "faith-based " hypocrites bereft of basic humanity?...

The use of Christian moralism as just another tool in identity politics would be of no surprise to the sage Harvard biologist and social scientist Edward O. Wilson. His new book, The Social Conquest of Earth argues that the tendency to form and join tribes is a fundamental part of what makes us human. No man-made idea---no matter how subversive or compelling---can withstand the sheer force of the tribal impulse. That impulse gives us our identities and serves as the source of our deepest convictions. It also leads to conflict---and,very often barbaric slaughter."

***I explored a bit of Limassol, Cyprus where people drive on the left and most inhabitants speak Greek. The price in the shops was not as expensive as in Turkey. The erotic calendar which reprinted the paintings of sexual poses on ancient Greek vases went only for one euro. The visit to a castle, now serving as a museum was the highlight of my exploration. The olive and orange trees in the courtyard, the stone ruins including the pressing stones to extract olive oil. The clean and free restrooms.

***Israel: the alleged promised land of the Jews where they stole and robbed from the indigenous Canaanites, the land where I had to pay to use a toilet, even in churches. The only place I didn't have to pay was the shop of a Christian Arab who cheerfully directed me to go upstairs and relieve myself in the family bathroom. Everywhere in the "Holy Land" the Jews and the Christian Catholics made money from the gullible pilgrims and the impressionable or curious (like me) tourists by charging exorbitant prices for souvenirs and the use of toilets.

Haifa is the modern port and quite congested in traffic. The scene of mass self-hypnosis and human stupidity and credulity at the baptismal site of Yardenit where undeveloped and hysterical minds immersed themselves in the tepid Jordan River with a stupid and mistaken belief that they would become new and cleansed of sins when they surfaced for air was pathetic beyond description and belief. You must be there to witness how vulnerable and pathetic when one does not develop one's mind and allows oneself to become a spiritual slave, a victim of nonsense and superstition and stupidity.

I also visited Cana, where Jesus supposedly performed the "miracle" of turning water into wine. I moved on to Mount of Beatitudes where the illiterate preacher with unscientific and illogical set of beliefs delivered the Sermon on the Mount. I went along with other curious tourists and glazed-eyed pilgrims to the Church of Multiplication and Capernaum where a synagogue and the alleged house of Peter were excavated. All the religious sites didn't move me at all. On the other hand, I was impressed at the accomplishments of the Jews who turned mostly barren and poor soil into a thriving, productive agricultural land where even bananas are cultivated, besides the ubiquitous olive trees. I took pity on the disunited and leadership-bereft Arabs who have undergone a long decline (over one thousand years now). Today the trip to Tel Aviv, the bustling cosmopolitan city, was cancelled because of the unrest in the nearby Gaza Strip arising from the murder of the Hamas military chief. I have met many Jews in my life and most are despicable, unethical, arrogant, stingy money grabbers. I recognize there are many Jewish intellectuals who have enriched and contributed to human knowledge, but I have a very strong feeling if the Jews perish once and for all, most humans on this planet wouldn't shed a tear because of the ugly memories they have when they interacted with the ugly, avaricious, and arrogant Jews. The moral is that each one of us is an ambassador of the race and the religion we come from, and we thus must behave like diplomats, full of consideration and diplomacy, and not with a smug arrogance like the Jews. The tacit approval of the Europeans when Hitler unleashed the Holocaust was quite understandable given the behavior of most Jews.

...But the Jews don't hold a monopoly on obstreperousness and unpleasantness. The Vietnamese and the Chinese rival them in these areas. I am a Vietnamese, but I am increasingly disturbed by the behavior of my fellow compatriots. What the assholes like VT aka ZT/IA (for Ignorant Asshole)/UM (for Ugly Midget), USHC (Ugly and Scary-looking HC) and innumerable ignorant and objectionable Vietnamese have penned their ignorant and poorly reasoned pieces on the Internet are just absolute trash and filth. I suppose assholes love to see their names on the Internet.

***On the way to Jerusalem we passed various kibbutzim and the Jewish settlements on the West Bank. I said a silent pity and sympathy for the Palesitinians who lost their homeland to the rapacious and more enterprising Zionists. Jerusalem is on the mountain and is indeed an impressive city with the remnants of defensive walls, besides the religious buildings and monuments. Most areas of the city are clean and modern, on par with modern European cities. However, some areas areas are quite squalid, with trash is strewn everywhere. Jerusalem boasts being the biggest city in terms of population (750,000 inhabitants out of 7.5 million) and area.

The tour guide revealed an interesting fact contrary to their counterparts in the U.S. that in Israel , the ultra-orthodox Jewish men don't work or serve in the army. They are supported by tax dollars. They also "happen" to have large families.

Nazareth: strangely enough long repressed memories of childhood and adolescence surged to the surface during a walk-through of the biggest church in the Middle East, built in 1960.

***Egypt:

Cairo and the pyramids nearby as well as Alexandria and the known monuments (mosques, deposed King Farouk's residence and gardens, statues, museums, and catacombs) showed the decline of a civilization, the friendliness of a people, their devotion to religion and current failure to organize and adhere to rules and regulations. I took with me the memories of the rich black soil of the Nile Delta and relative lack of intensive farming around the city of Said (as opposed to the intensive cultivation in Israel despite the poor soil conditions), horrific rampant trash, the persistence of peddlers, the poverty, and the devotion to family and traditions. Perhaps the Egyptians will outlast the Vietnamese because of the stronger devotion to family and traditions.

Despite setbacks, and some verge on the ridiculous and pathetic, I still long for the magic of love, still yearn for the ethereal, wondrous feelings that help me write magical prose in celebrating the illusion of finding an ideal mate.

Alexandria:

Not much better than Cairo in terms of rot and decay and strewn, uncontrolled, uncollected garbage and lack of traffic rules. The people, however, are friendly, though obviously underemployed.

***I stayed in Egypt for two days and am now sailing back to Rome to catch a flight back to the good old U.S. Last night, I slept well but prior to waking up this morning I had two nightmares: I passed only three of my four courses for the Fall term, and the sad realization once again that Laura didn't really love me.

Wissai
10-22-2012