Living Life Dangerously

Living Life Dangerously 

Shakespeare once wrote in the tragedy play "Macbeth":

LADY MACBETH

     O, never

Shall sun that morrow see!

Your face, my thane, is as a book where men

May read strange matters. To beguile the time,

Look like the time. Bear welcome in your eye,

Your hand, your tongue. Look like th' innocent flower,

But be the serpent under ’t. He that’s coming

Must be provided for; and you shall put

This night’s great business into my dispatch,

Which shall to all our nights and days to come

Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom."

Wissai: 

My words are like the mirror where men 

May read strange matters, not so much about me as about themselves. 

I could keep silent and be reclusive, 

Like men in caves in Himalaya mountains,

But I didn't. I spoke not so much out of vanity as I was still too much human and stupid. 

I wanted to share, to talk, to understand and be understood.

In a way, I live life dangerously. 

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I always live life dangerously. I love to skate next to precipice. Any of you ever did throw away 1.2 million dollars? I did. Now some bitch in a private email mail said to me that I am a coward, a guy without money, a liar, a cheater, a lousy lay, and all other delectable pieces of information that she would not have unless I had trusted her as a "good", "trustworthy" person. A lesson for me from now on is not to trust any woman, especially a woman without substance nor talent but fancied that she was a born lady. I could easily counter by enumerating all the humiliating tidbits about her personal life, but I won't. Things got so ugly already. I really thought she was much better than she really is. Now in retrospect I fully understand how her life has turned out the way it is. The really striking thing about her is that she lacks intellectual honesty: she does not know where she is in the overall scheme of things. She has delusions and illusions. She will die and bring those delusions and illusions with her to the grave. She has to do that because they make her fell better about herself. If I were her, I would have killed myself a long time ago already. An unaccomplished and unfulfilled life is simply not worth living. 

Anyway, I reread DFW's commencement speech at Kenyon College one more time. I was struck by the similarities of his thoughts and mine on the true role of education. And I was proud of that. DFW was an immensely talented man and widely respected, unlike me. I don't really blame anybody, other than myself for bring so confessional and confiding with the wrong kind of animals. Of course, I regard myself as a truly educated person compared to the nitwits and half-assed folks I meet in meet in my daily life. I am going to read about Wittgenstein again. Reading about him calms me down.