Moderation

I read long time ago when I was a kid that it is admirable for a man to stop speaking or eating in mid-stream, just because he does not wish to continue indulging in the pleasures of hearing his voice or tasting food. In other words, such a man commands our admiration because he shows self-control and moderation.

For the record, I am a stranger to moderation. In some areas, I have self-control, but I am a slave to my emotions. I am pitiful sometimes. I have tried to work on mastering my emotions, but I have not had much success. I guess maybe it stems from having an ego which can be both good and bad. One thing I have learned that most humans are despicable, cowardly, cunning, and phony. And I am not like that at all. So, overall I have reasons to feel good about myself. I may be not that keen cultivating qualities that are necessary for survival, but I do have qualities that speak of honor and dignity. Humans who are all about survival at any costs and at any price are nothing but animals, yet the motherfuckers would jump up and down, foaming and frothing at the mouths if they are accused of living a life no different from that of animals. They fucking insist that they want to be treated with courtesy which they piously intone that it is "de rigueur" in polite society. De rigueur, my ass! All phonies and cowards. Good for nothing. Don't fucking lift a finger to help their home country and their fellow countrymen in this hour of need.

One more thing I need to cultivate is the emotional independence. It could even be more important than the financial independence which is an obvious necessity in order to go through life with dignity.

I once read a novel in which the main character said, eerily like sombody I used to know: "Vietnam changed people. It sure as hell changed me. I used to be a nice guy." What the main character said has stayed with me ever I came across it. Many people I met over the years have changed for the worse. They started out, not evil nor very selfish, but life has changed them. A bad love relationship, a bad marriage, or a bad boss turned them into bitter, uncaring monsters.

But not me, I can assure you that. Care to know why? Because I have a sense of justice. I never hurt innocent parties. I have a list in red ink. I've postponed my trip. Maybe it's time to make a trip. But first, I have to stay healthy and wealthy. I must.