Emotional

I got emotional again. I saw the words of my comrade and I cried. I cry easily, something I inherited from my Dad. My son now gets that from me. He is very emotional, much worse than I am. And he cries much more easily.

We cry because we are in pain. I forget the name of the chemical detected in tears. It is anti-stress chemical that the body secretes to make the pain less intense. Psychic pain is more lasting than bodily pain because psychic pain is stored in the memory region of the brain while bodily pain is just temporary. Once the bodily pain is gone, there is no trace of it in the brain.

Most psychic pains are brought on by ourselves, by our ego, by our desire to shine at the expense of others. We should know better in not inflicting pain on others but we forget because we are in pain ourselves and we want the one who caused us pain experience pain also. The desire is common and understandable and logical. It even has a name. It's called revenge or to get even. Actually both sides ended up losers and each thinks less of the other afterwards. The more intense the desire, the uglier we look.

At my age, I should know better. In fact, I do know a lot of things, but only intellectually. True wisdom is the knowledge from the heart, the heart that knows forgiveness and gentleness and tolerance, the heart that issues countless warnings and counsels endless advice, the heart that really knows love. I talk plenty about love, but I have so little of it in my heart. Shame on me. I must cultivate the ability to forgive, to let go even those hurtful feelings people have inflicted on me, even undeservedly and unjustifiably. If I am quick to retaliate, I will remain forever small and stunted, incapable of growth.

Most of my anger has dissipated. I have achieved some catharsis. I am able to flush most of the poison out of my system. I am back to normal routine. My mind is no longer consumed with feelings of outrage and bitterness. My heart is no longer congested. I breathe normally. I am free again. Life is back to what it was before the incident. I just have to remember not everybody sees the world as I do and they don't have to. And I have to be humble. Arrogance is the flip side of Inferiority Complex.