Dreams Redux and Loss of Communion

We all dream every night. The ones that we remember are the ones that wake us up. If they are repetitive then we had better look at them closely if we are inquisitive. I have a few repetitive dreams surrounding the themes of lost love, violence, physical disorientation,and likelihood of failure of national exams for lack of preparation. Please note sex is absent from my repetitive dreams. I have very few sex dreams, anyway. Strange thing because I have a lot of sexual hang-ups. Probably I have dealt with them in my waking hours so my subconscious does not have to do the extra job at night. Now I have piqued your curiosity, you want to know what my sexual hang-ups are, right? I don't mind to let you know. No big deal. I have never had sex with prostitutes because I have a high regard for myself and I hate commercial sex. Sex to me is the physical expression of love and not a means to satisfy animal lust. Thus, slutty, lascivious women never turn me on. Women who talk dirty are repulsive to me. Women who publicly reveal erogenous zones of their bodies are despicable to me. And since I have been attractive to women all my life, I have no problem to find an outlet for sexual energy if I so choose. I don't have to find a whore to spend my time with if I feel lonely or sexually restless.

Anyway, back to my repetitive dreams. I had three of them last night. I dreamed that I had to take a final law exam of which I was unprepared all year. I dreamed that I had a long verbal quarrel with my elder and surviving brother over his physical domination of me when I was a youngster. And I dreamed that I lost my bearing when visiting an underground shopping mall with many levels and maze-like entrances and exits. The last dream fascinate me the most. It undoubtedly had something to do with the feelings of loss of communion with my fellow humans recently. All my life I have been an outsider. I have no real male friends. All my true good friends have been females, many are more than friends. With regard to males, I don't vie for leadership roles, but I never behave in a submissive manner. On the other hand, I am confrontational, not accommodating if I see falsehood uttered and hypocrisy practiced. I even evince feelings of contempt when I see the males I associate with persist in these deplorable behaviors. I know contempt is a two-way street and I can deal with it. Ostracism never bothers me too much. I like to learn from others but I can always learn from strangers or from books. All I need to do is to be observant. Since ostracism never bothers me, I react violently when I see hints that male assholes and bastards dare to talk down to me especially if I view them no more than cowards and phonies. Being ignored does not bother me; being talked down to does. And I have a long memory. I am not noble. I never claim I am.