Loss and Grief

In her Modern Love essay, “You May Want to Marry My Husband,” Amy Krouse Rosenthal prepared a dating profile for Jason, her husband of 26 years. She is battling ovarian cancer, and may not have long to live.

“The most genuine, non-vase-oriented gift I can hope for is that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins,” she wrote.

Readers shared their own stories of love and loss and tales of moving on after the death of a spouse or partner.

Below is a selection of the more than 1,300 comments received on the website and Facebook page of The New York Times.

‘Live for the Moment’

My wife of 31 years was diagnosed for the second time with breast cancer.

I fear the loneliness that will occur when she leaves this earth. I am deeply saddened that she will never get to enjoy grandchildren, a long retirement and growing old gracefully. My advice to all is to live for the moment, show love for your significant other every day, and recognize that life is too short to be angry for more than 10 minutes.

I hope that the remaining time with my wife is as awesome as the first 31 years.

— John, Minneapolis

What I Want in a Partner

As a 24-year-old single man, it is hard for me to truly relate to what a great marriage is. But this gave me a strong picture of what I want in my future relationship. A selfless, loving, compassionate and supportive partnership.

You show the utmost love for Jason by writing this and knowing that one day another woman may come around for him. It is unlikely that Jason will ever find another woman such as you, but to hope he does speaks volumes of how much love you have for each other.

I greatly appreciate you, Amy, for writing this and for giving me a perspective on what I hope for one day.

— Ryan, Denver

‘Enough Love for a Lifetime’

Six years ago, at 39, I lost my lover, husband, best friend, adventure partner and co-parent. Yet even in the depths of my grief, I assumed then that in six years, I would have found a new life and new love. Yet here I still am, alone, because I cannot find anyone who even comes close to my Dave. It may be that Jason will feel that way, too. And that is O.K. You’ve given him enough love for a lifetime.

— Lexi Shear, Montpelier, Vt.

A Love Who Could Never Be Replaced

I, too, had a Jason. I lost him in 2009. We were together for 36 years, married for nearly 34 of them. As one of my kids says, I was spoiled. He was gorgeous and brilliant and a man of many facets and accomplishments.

My incredible husband could never be replaced, and I have never even considered replacing him.

Perhaps your Jason will feel the same way.

— True Disbeliever, Virginia

‘Time Is All I Ask for — Daily’

I have Stage 4 terminal breast cancer, and while my husband and I haven’t had the strength to have a conversation like this, I know it’s coming. I am responding well to maintenance chemo, so the end seems distant to us, but that is foolish. We are playing Russian roulette.

Time is all I ask for — daily. You are so brave, wise and witty, words that people use to describe me. I’m not ready to do what you have done on these pages. You may have been a catalyst to get the conversion started sooner rather than later. Thank you for that.

— Sandra Avis, Michigan

A Defining Relationship

I lost my wife of 28 years in 2015. Like Amy and Jason, we shared an amazing marriage.

While my wife is no longer here, her presence is still vivid. And I am the man I am because of our relationship. Surprisingly, moving on and remaking my life isn’t harder because I loved my wife so much, but easier. I am sure Jason will find it the same, remaking his life in Amy’s honor.

I am now in a relationship with a woman I love that is very different from my wife and in some ways the same. I won’t ever replace my wife, but I am half of a whole again, and I know she would be very happy about that. All the best Jason and Amy.

— Greg Coogan, California

 Permission to Grieve and to Keep Living

When my mother was dying of cancer at age 44, she put together a list of eligible women for my father to consider as a future wife. She also wrote out menus for dinners and dinner parties for groups of varying sizes, something my parents had done throughout their adult lives together. It was, as was your article, permission to a beloved spouse to grieve and to keep living.

— David Olasov, New York

Lucky to Have a Wonderful Wife

As someone who is fighting Stage 4 cancer, I have once in a while logged on to dating sites to see if there is someone that would be a good fit for my wife.

Jason is as lucky as me to have a wonderful wife.

— Sanjay, Georgia

‘Someday, I’ll Find That Kind of Friendship and Love’

I’m 55 and still haven’t quite given up hope that someday, I’ll find that kind of friendship and love. He sounds like a phenomenal person. (Someone who can cook dinner, flip pancakes and make happy faces is a treasure, indeed.) He may not be able to find someone like you, where you bring out the best in each other. You might be the one.

— Stephanie Douglas, Prince Edward Island, Canada

Getting Some Perspective of Our Own

I hope you know the remarkable gift you’ve given me. The reminder that this is all temporary and nothing is given. Helping me remember all the Jason-esque things my husband always does, which I often forget to see and appreciate through the hustle and bustle of the daily grind and the inevitable frustrations associated with keeping early careers and young ones alive and well.

Your writing about your story helped me get some perspective of our own. Thanks for your wisdom and perspective. Sending much love to your family.

— Gracie, Oahu, Hawaii

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