Self-Respect and Sundry Items

Dear friends:

Every Sunday early morning always evokes in me feelings of contemplation and taking stock of events and happenings of the week just ended and preparing for the week to come. I was recently chastised for being base and disrespectful to myself for expressing public apologies to those I might have hurt during intense public dialogues with them. I was of course taken aback from this harsh assessment. I knew I was not a perfect person and if strongly provoked, I would summon all the verbal skills at my disposal and the full force of my intellect to defend myself and to put my attacker in his place especially if he used sophistry in his arguments. When the dust settled, as a person with uncommon sensitivity and overactive conscience, I regretted of using forceful language to make my points, instead of pleasant-sounding terms of which I do have in abundance. My apologies stemmed from the recognition of my failure to take a higher road in dialogues, not from any lack of self-respect.

Talking about self-disrespect, I think some humans do have this trait, not unlike acts of self-punishment and self-hatred and death wish. That is why we see some of us tend to lie, cheat, overeat to the point of obesity, drive recklessly, have extensive garish tattoo on arms, slander, spread false rumors, tell off-color jokes, post obscene cartoons on the Internet, use obscene language in casual conversations, dress sloppily in public places, etc...I don't profess to know the reasons for this illogical behavior.

Today marked the first time I resumed posting my thoughts. I did have mixed feelings of sadness and liberation. I thought of why the Vietnamese seem to lack solidarity and why the trappings of power seem irresistible to many. The fact that there are 22 existing opposition political parties and groups against the VC, and hundreds of competing Viet groups in Diaspora communities all over the world speaks loudly of this deplorable weakness of the Vietnamese. In my humble opinion, there should be no more than 2 opposition parties against the VC and there should be ONE single umbrella front against the ambitions of China to take over Vietnam.

Words do have meaning and power. They can bring both joy and sorrow, elation and depression. As a social being, I do need to interact with others, hence my need to express myself and to read the self-expressions of others. I interact with myself all the time. While it is okay to do so, I find that interacting with others is a much stronger catalyst for both emotional and intellectual growth. I do hope that I would feel soon more free and liberated here than elsewhere and if disagreements occur, they should be dealt with in a spirit of friendship and respect for facts, logic, and truths, and not in a tone of condescension and assumption of hollow power.