Nausea

Sartre used the word "Nausea" as the title for a novel of his. Roquentin experienced too much banaltiy and a wave of nausea washed over him. I experience not only banality, but also hypocrisy, sophistry, and cowardice every fucking day. So, you should not get annoyed if you see me puking and retching all over myself. Sometimes I do make some noise that sounded like laughter, but it is a kind that reflects sardonicism, not mirth. The assholes and monkeys are so unwittingly funny that they sometimes make me puke and laugh at the same time. All the posings and falsehoods are so tiresome most of the time, however. The problem is the more I know about them, the more I am determined not to be like them and the more I feel good about myself. As Nietzsche said, most monkeys are so gung-ho on living that they would do anything to pay for it with any price, including the lives of other people, including honor and dignity and self-respect. Thus, they are very familiar with the concept of selfishness while sentiments like love and patriotism are merely words and mean nothing to them. Now I look at them and what I have inside is an overwheling feeling of disgust and nausea. Their facial expressions and their smiles are gestures of cunning animals, and not of caring, loving humans at all.