Childish?

Many moons ago, somebody kindly gave me an advice that I should never say, write, or do anything if I am in the grip of anger. The more angry I feel, the more passive and withdrawn I must be because at that moment I am highly vulnerable. Anything I say, do, or write, I will regret later on. Guess what? As much as I recognize the validity and soundness of the advice, I did not follow it until yersterday when a youngster superciliously called me childish. The youngster added that if I didn't understand what that meant, I had better reflect on it! I did reflect on the audacity of the the youngster that made that stupid and untempered statement. And I did nothing. All day long, I just had a big sardonic smile on my face while all kinds of advice from all the books I had read about religion and philosophy zipped in and out of my mind. I sat in my room, cross-legged, breathed deeply till I perspired heavily. Then I lay down flat on the Yoga mat and passed out. I woke up about an hour later, feeling cold but much calmer. I staggered to the bathroom, took a leak, and then crawled into the bathtub. I turned on the water and set it as hot as I could bear. The sound of water tumbling out the faucet and hit the tub and my body, the warm sensation my skin registered and then transmitted to my flesh soothed me. I closed my eyes and dreamingly thought of nice people who inspired me to overreach myself. I even dreamed of the library where I spent many peaceful hours in the presence of 4Y. I felt peace because I felt love, even thought it was a far-out, impossible dream.

Wow, pretty good, Roberto, and so far you have not even cursed, not once. You really have changed. Maybe you need to be called "childish" more often, say, like twice a day?

Cut the crap, will you, Silvio.

Oh oh, there went your enlightenment. Roberto, be cool, mi amigo. You'll live longer and happier, too. Trust me. Look at me. I never get mad. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just get even. Any motherfucker calls me childish, he will die, sooner or later. I just come up to the bastard when he least expects it, and I will blow his motherfucking head off. Just like that. You understand? Just smile and be cool, next time some asshole calls you childish. Watch your blood pressure, your breathing. Control yourself. Don't show you are mad. Act like he or she is right. Even apologize and then wait. Wait, Roberto. Wait for the right moment.

So, you're telling me that I should be a hypocrite. I'm not gonna be like that. The world has too many hypocrites already.

Precisely, one more does not make any difference.

Silvio, you're a sick motherfucker.

No, Roberto. A realist. And a smart one, too. Think about that. Go home and think about what I said. Your idealism is hurting you, and nobody else. In fact, every motherfucker out there is laughing at you, thinking you are a real dumb ass. Don't you see that? You really think that they're impressed by your idealism, your principles? Fuck no, they think you are a fucking child. A stupid child. A child-man, that's what you are, Roberto. Grow up, my friend. Otherwise you will suffer till the day you die.

(cont.)