Unfulfilled Desire

 

Unfulfilled Desire

In  my heart, after months of lying dormant 

You woke up with a sweet vengeance

I can't help thinking of you day and night

You fill me with peace and delight

You could be anything, including this unfulfilled desire to obtain the kind of Love I pine after, or to live the kind of Life I want. And then you could be Cherry, a beautiful soul that has soothed me whenever I think of her. I am an idealist. I long for the nobility and goodness in some humans, for I am full of nobility and goodness myself. People just do not understand me. 

Strange, the more ignoramuses and assholes and scumbags denounce me, the more I see clearly what I need to achieve with my life. They are my whetting stone, my foil, my spurs. They all suffer from hypocrisy, oppressive inferiority complex, and crushing feelings of insignificance and smallness. So, that was why they opted to drag me down to their level of hell and pain. 

For instance, take the ugly, barely literate, dark-complexioned, short and fat female fishmonger who goes by the nickname "Purple". The bitch does not have a single boyfriend; the bitch often complains of unfulfilled horniness. She has admitted that she has to resort to masturbation to relieve herself of sexual longings because she cannot find a male partner for sex. But really no male would find such a bitch sexually attractive. She fancies that she is a poet, but in reality she writes only cheap, flat, insipid, biting, moronic verses, because she is vain, stupid, and fond of power, fond of asserting her stupid, acerbic wit through verses. Her so-called "poems" are like rotting fish in the sewer. They stink to high heaven! On a windy day, the whole neighborhood get a headache from the stench. You would think I'm hating the bitch ? No, not really. I don't hate the bitch. I acknowledge her existence, just like I acknowledge the existence of shit, vomit, war, evils, and all the unpleasant, ugly side of Life. I cannot change what I don't like. I only change my attitude to them. My attitude now is that of indifference stemming from contempt

By the same token, I don't hate the mother-fucker, the goat's balls-licker Trịnh Ngọc Nghĩa. He is suffering intensely right now from his hatred of me. Only he himself can change. Everyday he sends me the same old, same old email filled with moronic insults. I just ignore his cheap, childish taunts. I cannot make him change. He will change when he realizes he's making himself smaller everyday with the nonsensical and stupid emails of his. 

Scumbags and asholes like the two aforementioned motherfuckers are galore. To me, they are not even human. And they are full of unresolved inferiority complexes. They use words, but don't really know how words function. Wittgenstein distinguished two modes of communication and representation: "saying" and "showing". "Saying", in the sense of propositioning, is assertive and requires a tight coupling of logical and syntactic structure with what it asserts. "Showing" is not assertive; it presents information directly, in a no symbolic way, but, as Wittgenstein was forced to concede, it has no underlying grammar or syntactic structure. (A few years after W's Tractatus was  published, his friend Piero Sraffa made a gesture by snapping his fingers, and said, "What is the logical structure of that?" W couldn't answer.)

I reread Ajahn Chah this morning. I will read him again and again. I will write less for public consumption. I will not seek fame. Nor will I cater to my Ego. I am a sensitive, smart human being. I will not succumb to cheap ego gratification.  I don't need to. After seeing the posts on the Internet forums for the last five years and after interacting with all kinds of humans, I must say this, and  in all fairness and utmost objectivity: I am in the top 5-10 percentile of the human race in terms of intellect, looks, and ethics. My best remaining buddy, Bob, agrees with that assessment and he keeps saying to me that he is really fortunate to have me as a friend. Bob is not much of a reader, but in ethically speaking, he's better than 95% of the humans I've across. Let me tell you something else: I believe in eugenics. I believe in the extermination of scumbags and assholes and dumb asses. These animals pollute the human gene pool. Every day they get on the Net mouthing off their fucking stupid, ignorant rants and nonsense. Let me tell you another fact of life: unethical, stupid, and ignorant human animals are worse than barnyard beasts. We cannot eat these human animals, as you would to the barnyard beasts because human cannibalism is bad for your health in the long run. They can only function as mindless slaves, but they procreate and spread like wild fire. So the most effective way to deal with them is to turn them into fertilizer and enrich the soil. I envision in the future in order to deal with overpopulation, there will be tests to sort the chaff from the grain. If you cannot pass certain tests that measure intelligence, ethics, and artistic sensibilities, you will not be allowed to live. The future belongs to the intelligent, the ethical, and the artistic. Dumb, unethical, and unartistic human dross will be used as fertilizer or harvested as organ donors. I cannot stand anymore the comments, "opinions", and noises made by stupid, unethical, and ignorant human animals. That's why lately I have kept my mouth shut. Silence is the best form of contempt. 

(To be continued)