Allocution and Sympathy

Allocution and Sympathy for Donald Sterling

No, that was not a typo. Allocution, not allocation. I have a fondness for logorrhea, not gonorrhea. Yes, for periphrasis and prolixity, too. Making me feel "smart" and "educated", you know. Yes, despite how much we deny it, there's always a sense of inadequacy, an inferiority complex in all of us. Those who deny that are liars, I'm telling you. We all compensate, sometimes overcompensate, for what we feel uncomfortable about ourselves. I have yet met a man completely at peace with himself. All men I know are full of poses. Sometimes the poses are adopted unconsciously and unwittingly, but they are poses nonetheless. All men I have met are fearful of unpleasant realities. You would meet them in bull sessions in bars and in AA meetings and in jails. To combat unpleasant realities, you need to allocute or to join the American Marine Corps, and to be sent to battles where the odds are high that you will be maimed and killed. Then you probably would shed all illusions and delusions about who you are. Meeting Death has a way to make you very honest about yourself. Life has no meaning if Death is not a part of it. 

For many years, I was in love with a woman even after she dumped me for some Napoleonic, but good-looking nerd. I stupidly thought she deserved my love until I woke up in one glorious  Sunday morning. As I went out to pick up the paper in the driveway, the profuse sunlight, the breeze, the cool air in the Fall, and the quiet of the neighborhood, all combined to induce a satori in me: I was wrong and stupid in my love for her, and that we only truly love those for whom we have at least a modicum of respect, not contempt. From that moment on, I have had an insight about the nature of love. In order to really love others, we must really love and respect ourselves first. Love, like charity, begins at home. 

You could always tell about a dude by the way he writes, especially about himself. Several readers of mine have voiced an "opinion" that I am a narcissist. My "defense" to them has been, "listen, narcissism is built into us, like selfishness and greed and illusions and delusions. It is an affliction we all fall prey to. To live is to engage in a process to be free of these afflictions. I understand myself like no other man does. All philosophy begins with self-contemplation. We must learn to be comfortable with ourselves. Self-alienation is very pitiful, if not very dangerous. I like myself. I happen to think I am different from others and getting "better" and more "moralistic", by the week, if not by the hour. Self-ignorance is deplorable. I detest and despise those who complain about certain unpleasant traits in others, but fail to realize or admit that those traits are also in themselves. I am not like that. I am not perfect, but I am no hypocrite. Narcissism is a way for me to better myself. Bragging is my way to spur myself to greater heights. I brag, but I don't lie to myself or to others. I am basically a very honest man. I am honest because I respect facts, truths, and logic. I don't care for rules and regulations. They were set up for common folks who need guidance. I am no common man. All my life I have struggled to fit in society and to get along with others who are very different from me in values and temperament. To be different is to be misunderstood."

I saw Donald Sterling allocute in the interview by Anderson Cooper. I came away from the interview with sympathy for Sterling and respect for Cooper. Sterling was a bumbling, and surprisingly honest and lonely fool. Cooper was wise, dignified, and measured with his probing questions. I saw much of myself in Sterling. I'm praying very hard for emotional strength and equanimity that I will not fall hard for any woman as Sterling did. Public humiliation would be tough for me to face. I am not as thick-skinned as some assholes I know. I might end up killing myself out of shame. There are many conditions worse than loneliness. Don't use others to cure yourself of loneliness. Read philosophy and psychology. Exercise and meditate. Practice detachment. Trust no pretty, young women, if you are an old man. They are more vicious than insolent, young men. Don't think of yourself as a charming old man and you thus deserve an exception. There are no exceptions. And you can't fight against the ravages of time. You may feel young inside, but should act in accordance with your age outside. There's no greater fool than an old fool, especially with regard to women. 

There was once a "younger", attractive, but not quite educated woman in her early 30's who kept asking me to come to her house in order to show her how to cook certain dishes of which I was very good at preparing. I was flattered and pleased at her interest in my culinary skills. She also was openly quite admiring of my "intellect" and "linguistic" facility, not counting my "alluring", sculpted physique.  Normally, I would have jumped at the "invitation", but something inside me told me not to go to her house. Call it fear, prudence, or "male intuition", or whatever, but my inner voice told me, "Roberto, shun her, for she's a serpent underneath all those enticing, pleasant smiles." Yes, Sterling, we all need to be cared for. But you just had too much faith placed in that half breed woman. I was not proud enough of myself, despite my aforementioned attributes, as you were of yourself, so I didn't go to the woman's house and show her to prepare certain dishes. Because of my lack of confidence in myself, I probably saved myself from a lot of troubles. Love is magic, but don't expect the magic come to you, even though you have a lot of money, Donald, because you are a very old and physically unattractive man. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror, lately? Anyway, now you finally know she didn't love you. And you cried publicly on TV about that. I feel sorry for you. By now, I hope you have learned something about women. I have, I'm telling you. My lesson about women is encapsulated in a twisted line from a short story I read a long time ago, right after I was dumped by Laura, "A hard man is good to find." I have learned not to let female tears soften my heart. Some women cry today, but tomorrow they will stab you in the back and in the front, right at your heart. Donald, my man, please remember that. I don't know about you, but my problem is that one woman after another confessed to me that they cared about me, even loved me, and then they went on cursing at me and hating me simply because I didn't really love them back. How could I when they were vastly inferior to my wife in looks, talents, wealth, and even in personality?

Anyway, Donald, let me tell you something about Her. I had a bicycle and it always had a flat tire. Sometimes both the tires were flat. One day, I took it to the tire shop to have the tires replaced. The repairman told me I was being ripped off by the bicycle manufacturer, as if I didn't already know about that.The next thing I knew I was pushing my bike in front of a house. The house's front door was open. People inside the house were having a party. They saw me and asked me to come in. It turned out they were my 1966 friends. I was surprised and awkward at the same time. I wondered why they had not invited me to the party beforehand. Then I heard Her voice in the kitchen. She looked almost as good as She did in 1969, the last time I saw Her. I exclaimed her name. She turned around and flew into my arms. We walked out of the house arms in arms. I remember the first words coming out of my mouth as we walked down the street were, "You need to know that I never stop loving you. And all I want before I die is to hear that you love me, too." I wanted to say more, but somehow the words couldn't get out of my mouth. The smartphone indicated that it was 3:03 am. Donald, I know what you went through with the half breed. I know that you needed love. But like me, you looked for it in the wrong house; you went out with the wrong women. Good luck to you next time. Be very careful with loneliness. Don't let it destroy you. Be nice and be careful with your speech. Speak what people want to hear, not what you want to say. Deep, deep down nobody is interested in what you want to say, anyway. Remember, we are all narcissists, racists, and sexists, in one degree or another. Some truths are better not spoken. Those which are spoken are really half truths. Silence is golden. The next time, you want to talk, call me. You are safer that way because I am nobody important or famous. And I won't set you up and stab you in the back, leaving you crying and lamenting in public. I value trust and loyalty. 

Now, I understand you are rejecting the 2.5 MM fine imposed on you by the NBA and you are suing the NBA for banning you from the NVA. Bravo to you, Donald. I wish you the best of luck. I want you to know I support your right to privacy and your right to free speech. I do hold that it's not crime to hold racist and sexist and narcissist views, as long as those views are not translated into criminal behavior, resulting in physical, emotional, or financial harms to anybody. As humans we must have freedom in thinking, in speech, and in being stupid as long as that freedom does not infringe on the freedom of others. We must reject thought police. We must  reject self-righteousness and hypocrisy. We must reject herd, lynching behavior. Donald, I support you in being you and let capitalism play out its role. If people don't like your views, they can stop going to see your team playing or they can stop sponsoring your team. But nobody has a right to take a team away from you. You can sell your team only when you want to, not when you are told by others to sell it. By the way, I didn't like the tone and the manner of the so-called NBA Commissioner when he announced the decision to fine you and ban you from the NBA. America is the land of the free and of the laws. Let's see what the court of law says about the legitimacy and the legality of NBA's actions towards you. Let's the legal fight begin. Donald, do you see the irony of the situation? You and your alleged racism? Are you aware that in America, Jews and Blacks are the two groups that are ever ready to jump up and down and cry "racism"? 

Wissai

May 16, 2014