Homicide and Suicide

Homicide versus Suicide

Recently my best buddy Omar Sabat took me to dinner to celebrate his latest "accomplishment". As usual, he saved his best speech at dessert time as if he wanted to spare me the discomfort and discomfiture of his heartfelt advice. He said, 

"Roberto, listen carefully. Both homicide and suicide deal with violence and frustrations, but suicide is plainly weak. I read today that there has been a surge of suicides in the Special Ops of the American Armed Forces. That news at once saddened and strengthened me. 

We must find ways to be able to sleep at night and to deal with the frustrations in life. To live is to find ways of not killing scumbags and assholes. 

Also, you must bear in mind that no bitch is trustworthy. There's much truth in the 3 Fs: find them, fuck them, and forget them. No point to kill them. The price is too steep. Let others do the killing for you. Be cool. Don't fall in love. Don't give any bitch any money. Be supremely cold-hearted and indifferent. 

One more thing, I suppose you feel that you are one step from being a cold-blooded killer like me. But you, of all people, must not take that fateful step. You must not get over the line. You, frankly, are not strong enough to deal with the aftermath. I am talking about the legal issues, not the "moral" ones. Let the pros like me deal with them. People like you must find ways to sublimate your homicidal urges. Don't be taken for a ride. Be a cynic. Talk less. The stronger you get, the more silent you must become. All true killers are strong, silent types. Speech weakens one's inner strength. Smile coldly. Rise above your childish, trusting nature. Be grateful for the life lessons that scumbags and assholes have taught you. Profit from them. Be stronger and wiser because of them. Just don't be a killer. If you need help, you know whom to call. Okay, amigo?

Listen, Roberto, the hardest thing in life, at least for me. is to learn to forgive oneself. I have tried to be my own best friend by not being too hard on myself. I suggest you adopt the same attitude. Not hard on yourself. Not hard on others. Go with the flow. Relax. Enjoy life. Don't sweat the small stuff. Stay away from scumbags and assholes and motherfuckers. Be centered. Don't ever lose control over yourself. And don't let anybody, woman or man, to have power over how you feel and act. Master your emotions. Be rational at all times. Watch out for your Ego. It may be your worst enemy. Be prideful, but not egotistical. Have a lot of respect for yourself. Pay attention to how you present yourself to the world: your attire, speech, and manners. Be guileful. Don't let down your guard. To beguile the time, look like the time. You are at war. Your enemies are watching you. Forget the notion that there are women out there who care about you. No, they are all selfish bitches. Be hard. Life is just another name for survival. If you can't survive, you can't do whatever you set out to do. Listen. Don't pontificate. Do so in your journal only, not with others. Nobody gives a fuck. They have their own problems and perspectives to fall back on. Don't be eager to impress others. You are not that good or special. I repeat, silence is your friend. Killers don't open their mouths unnecessarily. They only speak when they have to. All effective killings in nature are done swiftly and silently, not noisily and messily. 

I see that you're not saying a word to what I've been speaking. Either you're being polite or you're taking everything in. Either way is good. I know you're being prideful and trying hard to make progress in the game called Life. The source of most unnecessary sufferings is the inability to handle existential loneliness. You must remember that of all the bitches and assholes that you have known, nobody is really decent when tested. Nobody. Sadly, you are the one who has proved to be emotionally and morally superior to all of them. Your only shortcomings are in the social area. You haven't bothered to learn to act and be guileful. Again, to beguile the time, look like the time.

   '..... O, never

Shall sun that morrow see!

Your face, my thane, is as a book where men

May read strange matters. To beguile the time,

Look like the time. Bear welcome in your eye,

Your hand, your tongue. Look like the innocent flower,

But be the serpent under it. He that’s coming

Must be provided for; and you shall put

This night’s great business into my dispatch,

Which shall to all our nights and days to come

Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom....'

Blend with your environment. Be pleasant and patient. Be hard when necessary. Don't be soft-hearted. Nobody is soft-hearted to you. Be strong emotionally. Don't wilt under pressure. Be resilient. Learn from your mistakes. Don't be sentimental. Nobody is sentimental about you. So what, if inside you the milk of human kindness is drying up. Longevity is the best revenge. Fuck kindness! Be defensive emotionally. Don't lose your heart or your head. Be cynical. Don't bother to reply to dumb asses and idiots. Ignore them. They're nothing but stinking shit that attract flies. If you pay attention to them, that means you are a fly. Pretend that they do not exist and they mean nothing to you. Yeah, they all think they smell sweet and are smart and clever and loving. What a joke! They are unwitting clowns. All of them. All empty talks. All defensiveness. All ignorance and stupidity. You have wasted enough of your time with them. Time to move on with your life. Erase them from your mind. Be cool.

Let me paraphrase some words of wisdom from a guy for whom I have a lot of respect as a thinker and a poker player. I have applied his thinking to my own profession as a hired killer.

1. A success is just a win, a moment in time, a label that the world gives to you. Don't get too attached to the label. 

2. Mastery of any pursuit is not a commitment to a goal, but the constant pursuit of improvement. No mastery is quite like the mastery over yourself. We thrive when we stay at our own leading edge. That is where growth happens. 

3. We must be careful not to be victims to the "Dunning and Kruger effect". These behavioral scientists showed that in a particular field, people 

-tend to overestimate their skill level.

-fail to recognize genuine skills in others.

-fail to recognize the extremity of their inadequacy.

All these happen because of Ego. Be realistic and objective. Respect facts and truths."