Mysteries of Life

Mysteries of Life

-You see, Roberto, there's what I think gradualism and relativity and maybe circularity in this world and on this planet. We see that in climate, the formation of gender, biochemistry, nature of goodness and evil, love and hate, death and regeneration. The world is more than just dualism. It may be one whole interdependent biosphere.  Once you understand that, your own harrowing and unnerving experiences that shape your thinking and then go on governing your mode of feeling begin to lose their power. There's no longer you and I. There's only one us. That's why a truly ego-shattering sexual experience is very meaningful because you then realize you are not alone, isolated, disconnected. You feel whole and at peace and maybe indeed loved. 

Each human develops at his own pace. One guy may be intellectually precocious but emotionally and socially retarded. Another is dumb as shit but gregarious and well liked. Still another is a late bloomer in all areas. That is what's happening to me. I was not born stupid or anything, but I didn't care for learning when I was growing up. I was busy being myself and rebelling against authorities. Nowadays, I think I finally know who I am and I still rebel against authorities. Self-discovery, at least to me. is an on-going process. However, I notice that I am thirsty for knowledge and finding ways to satisfy that thirst. In the process, I've noted several interesting things:

First, I am intellectually more honest than most, if not all, humans I've met. 

Second, most humans have fragile and insecure egos; unlike me, they would not or cannot admit defeats, mistakes, and weaknesses. They feel they have to be right and strong so they thrash around arguing until they are blue in the face even when their arguments are infantile and weak and nonsensical and bereft of facts and logic. You see, one of them stupidly stated that the Second Indochina War started in 1954! I wonder how the bastard could made such a simple mistake despite the fact that he was born in Vietnam and lived there until 1966. This self-regarded "educated" dude did not know when the civil war in his own country started! That showed you how stupid and ignorant he was. Another asshole blindly accepted some stupid myth that an empire lasted on the average for 200 years so he posted that myth on the Net. An abysmally ignorant dude, proudly wearing his doctorate designation on his forehead, chimed in and publicly opined that American Empire was in death throes because the 200-year period is almost up. I felt that I had to jump in and teach these two pathetic ignoramuses a lesson about history. I listed many famous empires lasting way for more than 200 years, and pointed out to them that the American Empire didn't officially start to come into existence until 1898, the year the U.S. resoundingly defeated Spain in a brief war and effectively put an end to the Spanish Empire which, by the way, lasted more than 200 years. 

At any rate, most bastards, in trying to save face, put on a farcical performance. It is both an amusing and sad sight. Yet they pathetically regard themselves "educated". They are nothing but a bunch of disingenuous, dishonest, pathetic, ignorant, stupid, fucked-up monkeys. I despise them all. If I have the means, I would gas all of them in a second. To me, they are not even humans, but only vermin, unfit to live. Where's Hitler when I need him? I've heard that there's a guy that looks uncannily like Adolph, lurking somewhere in the Black Forest, building an underground network of Neo-Nazism. Maybe I "need" to go to Germany to check the dude out. 

Third, most people are hypocrites. The worst ones are those who always paint themselves in the best light. I constantly put them to a test. Those who constantly fail are the ones loving to talk about ethics and honor and respect. You see, humans tend to pretend who they are not. They are not comfortable with who they are. The ones who are truly ethical, honorable, and treat others with respect are usually the silent ones. They let their actions speak for them. They don't need to preach to others or to advertise themselves as to what fine specimens of the human race they are. Recently one asshole publicly got on a soapbox and preached that I needed to show respect for another ignorant asshole while the fact of the matter is that the preaching asshole is notorious for being an arrogant, smug, supercilious bastard.               

Fourth, almost of us humans are walking wounded and broken in some form or another. We let the past and its haunting memories, both good and bad, influence on how we think and feel, instead of dealing with the facts at hand. We all suffer from confirmation biases. Obsessional thoughts are unresolved and unacceptable thoughts. We must learn to accept mistakes, defeats, and sorrows. And we move on. That's the secret of survival and healing. We are never as good and error-free as we would like to be. We must accept who we are and whatever has happened to us. Serenely accepting whatever life has to offer is the key for survival. I don't advocate passivity in the face of adversities. What I mean is that we must know the difference between what can be changed and what cannot. That's the difference between those, like me, who survived the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan at the fighting front, mentally intact and emotionally stronger, and those former comrades of mine who are suicidal and being tarted for post-stress disorder syndrome. Those poor souls have not learned the power of acceptance. The painful memories play like an unbroken record in their minds until they take over their minds. The memories control the mind, instead of the other way around. These former comrades don't realize that we cannot change the past and we don't live in the past. We live in the here and now, in the present and only for the present. Life is nothing but the sum of experiences and a series of adjustments and adaptations. That's what all living things do. Adjust, adapt, move on and survive. Look forward, not backward, and certainly not in anger, but in serenity and detachment. Words have power. Keep words like peace, serenity, detachment, calmness, cool, wise, smart in your mind at all times while smiling at all hours, even when you are alone, you will be amazed how calm and strong you will become. About Laura and the bitches that gave you pain, stop writing sappy, soapy love poems about them. Write about your triumphs, not defeats.

I hope you are not thinking I am preaching. I'm only trying to help because you're my friend, Roberto.

-Thanks, Omar. You're very kind. I need to click off. I have something to do now.
-What's that, may I ask?
-I don't know I should tell you now because if I do, you may consider putting me in a gas chamber along with other dudes you mentioned earlier.