tossing and turning

tossing and turning 

here I'm supposed to be a good poet
and I am tossing and turning
simply because some guy said I acted like a child

here I'm aware of Death like a big bad bull charging at me because I keep taunting it with risky behavior
and I am tossing and turning

here I am aware of wars and men die like dogs,corpses bloating, ants crawling over pale faces, and 
flies buzzing and swarming 
and I am tossing and turning

i open my eyes, moonlight faintly visible behind the curtain muted whistle of the train running by miles away

i brood on the dismissive, insulting words from stupid and ignorant folks.
And I emit an eerie laugh, sending a cat
scurrying for cover under the bed

it wails plaintive cries. I ignore its need for assurance. 

i close my eyes once more, counting my breath, slowing down my heart rate, visualizing lying on a beach and waves of warm water washing over me, taking away all the hurts and disappointments

then a woman calls, asking if I want to be over her house on account of her not being able to sleep and she wants me to hold her and nothing more

i say, not right now, I'm too sleepy to drive, maybe some other time

you see, I'm too jaded for an easy lay, too hurt to believe in sweet words

i just now am concerned about getting decent amount of rest, eating right, doing some exercises, and staying away from all women for they only want money and a honey with soft heart so they can boss around