Friday, August 21, 2015

Don't Ask How Big My Heart Is

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Đừng Hỏi Trái Tim Tôi Bao Lớn  

Lâu lâu xuất hiện trên diễn đàn
Chẳng viết thư riêng, chẳng hỏi han.
Ấy thế mà tôi thương, tôi nhớ,
Lòng nh
ững bâng khuâng với rộn ràng

Lâu lâu anh mới viết thơ riêng
Bảo rằng anh "fall in love" ngả nghiêng!
Anh nói anh nhớ tôi nhiều lắm!
Mỗi ngày đều nhớ, nhớ như điên!

Tôi có tin không?  Không cần thiết.
Tôi có yêu không? Không cần biết.
Chỉ biết rằng tôi thường nghĩ
 đến anh.
Anh là cảm hứng cho tôi viết.
Thơ thẩn mỗi ngày cũng vì anh.

Sáng nay trời lạnh, mây trời xanh,
Lại nhớ
 đến anh, nghĩ đến anh
Làm vội bài thơ tình mong manh
Mong rằng 
anh đọc, hiểu nha anh.

Đừng hỏi trái tim tôi bao lớn.
Đừng hỏi bao nhiêu người tôi yêu?
Tình yêu nhân loại bao la lắm.
Tình tôi yêu anh? Quả thật nhiều! 

QNN


Don't Ask Me How Big My Heart Is

I see you get on the forums now and then
But you no longer drop me a line
Still I miss you, and I love you still
Ever for you my heart throbs and pines

You used to send to my private mail
Those three sweet words, "I love you"
You used to say, "please, don't tell
Anybody else that I'm falling hard for you."

Were those words of yours really true?
I don't know, and I don't really care
All I know is now I can't help thinking of you
Night and day. You've inspired me to share

Today the cold winds from the north blew in
The sky is blue, as blue as how I feel about you
So I took out my iPad and confessed my sin
I hope you'll hear it and understand 

Don't ask me how big my heart is
And how many men I've "known" offhand
My love for "Mankind" is big, 
But not as big as my love for the man that is you 

Rough and Quick Translation by Wissai
August 21, 2015
canngon.blogspot.com

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Facts, Truths, Apologies, and Redemption/Salvation

Facts, Truths, Apologies, and Redemption/Salvation 

A cascade of thoughts flooded my mind after seeing the movie "Crashh". These thoughts were not necessarily new to me, but they took on a clarity. The clarity may give rise to a sentiment that the thoughts may have some validity. I would like to share them with you. Sharing is inherent among social animals. 

1. To live is to contend/put up with/come to terms with the naked and yet rarely confronted/discussed fact that the drive for power and domination is very strong in all social beings. So when you interact with humans, keep that fact/issue in mind, especially with those who are deep down insecure, cowardly, animalistic and untalented. These fucking and fucked-up animals always try to seek balance through acts of compensation. 

2. Chance, the perennial element in nature, can be either good (blessing for the religious-minded folks) or bad (just dumb bad luck for being in a wrong place at a wrong time). There's nothing we can do about bad luck except stoically and graciously accepting it as part of life. To be angry, self-righteous, or complaining about bad luck just makes the matter worse.

3. To achieve serenity, one must accept facts and truths at all times. Most life's problems and the bullshit peddled by religions stem from the inability to see or accept facts and truths.

4. If you hurt another person by engaging in falsehoods, you must issue heart-felt apology promptly and earnestly and humbly beg (yes, beg) for forgiveness, then do you have a chance to be forgiven. Very few humans blithely accept injustice foisted upon them. It is said that love /faith moves mountains, but from what I have seen, it is injustice and anger that drives humans into actions. All revolutions are fed by feelings of injustice and deep anger over injustice. 

5. Some Greek scholar (Aristotle?) once defined Man is an animal that wants to know. It's not a pretty or complete definition, but good enough to highlight the inquisitiveness inherent in Man. So if you are happy with your state of ignorance, and don't really care for learning and knowledge, I would have to say that you are not quite human yet, and are still a stupid, ignorant, self-contented little primate and deserve all the scorn and contempt other more "knowledgeable" humans exhibit towards you. If you have any sense of self-respect, you must improve your mind/knowledge so no other humans can look down on you. All the empty blather you mouth off about yourself and the world means nothing if you speak from the standpoint of uninformed opinions. 

6. You are your own Savior and Redeemer. Other beings can help you, but the salvation and the desire for salvation must come from deep within yourself. A human without will-power is not much a human. 

Thus Spoke Wissai

August 11, 2015

Monday, August 10, 2015

Don't Cry for Me, Don't Misunderstand

Don't cry for me, don't misunderstand

Late at night,
Looking through the window 
And up to the starry sky,
Thinking of you and the sexy show 
That I saw recently in Vegas,
While a love song's lyrics were blasting in my earphones. 
Oh la la how incredible you are, my lovely lass.
This is the moment of magic and also of the moans 
Of my shy and unfulfilled soul. 
I'm traveling to Graceland 
Looking for love's parole. 
Don't cry for me, don't misunderstand. 

Wissai
August 10, 2015

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Darren Wilson's Quest For Distance

Leading up to the first anniversary of the shooting death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Mo. — and the cultural convolutions that followed — The New Yorker has published an article including extensive interviews with Darren Wilson, the police officer who pulled the trigger.
A grand jury refused to indict Wilson in Brown’s death and the Justice Department cleared him of willfully violating Brown’s civil rights. (Brown’s family is now pursuing a civil suit against the city of Ferguson, the former police chief and Wilson.)
Still, the case remains a polarizing one, as some view it as an example of a needless escalation of hostility that too often leaves a person dead; others view Wilson as a hero and now also as a victim. (Wilson says in the interviews that he has been subject to death threats, can’t move freely without worry in his own community and can’t land another police job.)
The Justice Department issued two reports in the case. The one that cleared Wilson also contradicted some claims of vocal witnesses, claims that became central to the outrage that followed. It found that Brown was not shot in the back, and it deemed unreliable assertions that Brown had his hands up in surrender when he was fatally shot.
But the second report, a comprehensive look at the Ferguson Police Department and courts, found widespread racial targeting of black citizens that permeated the system.
As Jake Halpern put it in The New Yorker article:
“Together, the two reports frustrated attempts to arrive at a clean moral conclusion. Wilson had violated no protocol in his deadly interaction with Brown, yet he was part of a corrupt and racist system.”
That is the backdrop against which Wilson’s comments in the article must stand.
Wilson and his attorneys must have made the calculation that a profile would humanize and rehabilitate him in some way, that the image that emerged of an isolated man being rebuffed by reticent police forces and barraged by threats would be empathetic and restorative. That effort, it seems to me, has backfired.
There is a calculated coldness, a willful obliviousness, a penchant for sweeping racial generalization that is unflattering, if not repugnant, in Wilson’s words.
Wilson admits that he hasn’t read the Justice Department report of systemic racism in Ferguson. (“I don’t have any desire,” he said. “I’m not going to keep living in the past about what Ferguson did. It’s out of my control.”) He also doesn’t seem to recognize or value Brown’s personhood. (“Do I think about who he was as a person? Not really, because it doesn’t matter at this point. Do I think he had the best upbringing? No. Not at all.”)
But to me, the most fascinating part of the interview was the portion where Wilson makes the false claim others often make: that the present is divorced from the past.
“People who experienced that, and were mistreated, have a legitimate claim,” he told me. “Other people don’t.” I asked him if he thought that young people in North County and elsewhere used this legacy as an excuse. “I think so,” he replied.
“I am really simple in the way that I look at life,” Wilson said. “What happened to my great-grandfather is not happening to me. I can’t base my actions off what happened to him.” Wilson said that police officers didn’t have the luxury of dwelling on the past. “We can’t fix in thirty minutes what happened thirty years ago,” he said. “We have to fix what’s happening now. That’s my job as a police officer. I’m not going to delve into people’s life-long history and figure out why they’re feeling a certain way, in a certain moment.” He added, “I’m not a psychologist.”
Ah, this is exactly why structural racism is so resilient: detachment. It requires a faith in individualism separate from systems and history, a faith in a lie. Both Wilson and Brown were operating in a cultural context informed by more than their own actions — it was born long before they were, it is ingrained, it is institutional, it is not only racially aware but racially conceived.
Nothing occurring in America can be divorced from America, the whole of America as it now exists and came to exist. Our present culture rests on historical context.
Yet this false detachment and distancing is what makes the predation of structural racism so perfect: It is an edifice without a single, maleficent architect or even a council thereof. It grows out of collective desire to perform a collective deed. It isn’t so much conscious brainchild as subliminal mind meld.
It is like the hive. No single bee need be aware of the hive’s entirety or its enormity. Just doing one seemingly innocuous task contributes to the whole. In fact, you needn’t participate at all to reap the benefits of the system.
It is as exquisite as it is insidious. It can also be deadly.
At another point, Wilson talks about the disproportionately black towns in what is called “North County” — where he chose to work, by the way, for career advancement reasons — as a kind of culturally degenerate morass. He is quoted as saying in the article of the citizens there: “They’re so wrapped up in a different culture than — what I’m trying to say is, the right culture, the better one to pick from.”
Here is the exchange with the author that follows:
This sounded like racial code language. I pressed him: what did he mean by “a different culture”? Wilson struggled to respond. He said that he meant “pre-gang culture, where you are just running in the streets—not worried about working in the morning, just worried about your immediate gratification.” He added, “It is the same younger culture that is everywhere in the inner cities.”
Wilson speaks of these communities as riddled with pathology rather than ravaged by poverty and, again, as if history, design and systemic racial oppressions like the ones described in the second Justice Department report play no role.
The station from which we start in the world is not arbitrarily assigned by birth lottery but preordained by legacy. Our lives are built upon past lives, those of parents and ancestors. Our access and mobility are enabled or restricted by structures, both young and ancient. I maintain that there is valor in effort, that trying to overcome is indeed a form of overcoming, that holding fast to hope in a world that would strip one naked of it is itself a herculean effort and a moral victory.
Yet I refuse to allow my abiding self-determinism to blind me to systems designed and built on devaluation and destruction. I know as others do the frustration and fatigue of swimming against a current rather than being carried by it. There are realities that must not be ignored or minimized.
Wilson’s interview doesn’t make him appear more human. It reaffirms the degree to which the American mind can seek to divest others of humanity, and it lays bare how historical illiteracy and incuriousness creates the comfortable distance on which pernicious structural racism relies.
I invite you to join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter, or e-mail me at chblow@nytimes.com.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Dreams and Sufferings

Tonight Bob said some nice things to me that were quite touching to hear. That proved he was not insensitive or stupid. 

Regarding my frank manner of speaking, that might not come across as sophisticated or civilized or refined, but I believed in unadorned way of expressing myself. To thy own self be true, as Shakespeare once said in Hamlet.

Compared to many other Vietnamese, I might not come across polished, but I am no scum of the earth. 
 
I dreamed of my first girlfriend the other night. That was almost 10 years since I last dreamed of her. 20-48 years ago, I used to dream of her at least twice a month. Like almost every dream I had of her, the dream of the other night was sad. I woke up right away and I felt sad, but not depressed. 

Love was short but suffering could last the lifetime. I was a very slow learner about the human soul. I suppose I've been kind to Bob because he needs my company. He is suicidal and he needs a friend like me to hang onto life, somebody who cares about him. When I was in the depths of my sufferings, nobody cared, nobody wanted to listen to my tales of woe. If took a supreme effort on my part to pull myself up and find a will to live. 

There must be a reason to live, a meaning for our existence. To give up is easy. To fight against depression requires an understanding of how the brain works, of which I am quite knowledgeable. 

Best wishes

Friday, July 24, 2015

Algeria's Invisible Arab by Roger Cohen

At the core of any conflict lies invisibility. The enemy cannot be seen, at least not if seeing betokens the start of understanding. The other is there, a menacing and ineffaceable presence, but is invisible in his or her human dimensions.

Demonization blocks any glimmer of shared humanity or sympathy. Only when the nameless foe becomes a man or a woman confronted with the puzzle of life does the path to understanding begin to open. No gun was turned to plowshare without some form, however tentative, of mutual recognition.

This question of invisibility is the starting point of Kamel Daoud’s remarkable first novel, “The Meursault Investigation.” His core idea is of startling ingenuity. Daoud, an Algerian journalist, takes Albert Camus’s classic novel, “The Stranger” — or more precisely the “majestically nonchalant” murder of an Arab at the heart of it — and turns that Arab into a human being rather than the voiceless, characterless, nameless object of a “philosophical crime” by a Frenchman called Meursault on an Algiers beach 20 years before the culmination of Algeria’s brutal war of independence.

By inverting the perspective, and turning the anonymous Arab into a young man named Musa Uld el-Assas rather than someone “replaceable by a thousand others of his kind, or by a crow, even,” Daoud shifts the focus from the absurdity of Meursault’s act in the giddying sunlight to the blindness of the colonial mind-set.

The issue is no longer Meursault’s devastating honesty about the human condition — he does not love, he does not pretend, he does not believe in God, he does not mourn his dead mother, he does not judge, he does not repress desire, he does not regret anything, he does not hide from life’s farce or shrink from death’s finality — but the blood he has spattered on the sand with five gunshots into young Musa.

Daoud’s device is to treat the fictional murder committed by Meursault in 1942 as a real event and create a narrator named Harun who is the younger brother of the dead Musa, a flailing chronicler of irreparable loss. Harun cannot get over how Musa has been blotted out: “My brother’s name was Musa. He had a name. But he’ll remain ‘the Arab’ forever.” He was “capable of parting the sea, and yet he died in insignificance.” Daoud writes that the French “watched us — us Arabs — in silence, as if we were nothing but stones or dead trees.”

Musa is invisible even in death. If he had been named, Harun reflects, perhaps their mother would have received a pension. Perhaps life would not have consisted of an unrequited attempt to find the body, locate the murderer, understand the crime — even avenge it somehow.

The Arabs are sullen. They wait. Harun’s reflection on the demise of French Algeria is devastating: “I didn’t even fight in the War of Liberation. I knew it was won in advance, from the moment when a member of my family was killed because somebody felt lethargic from too much sun.”

At the moment of liberation, or just after it, Harun kills a Frenchman, Joseph Larquais: “The Frenchman had been erased with the same meticulousness applied to the Arab on the beach twenty years earlier.” But this reciprocal murder, committed without conviction in the blinding night rather than the blinding heat, brings no real respite — from the fury Harun feels toward his relentless mother who wants him to be his lost brother, or from the quandary of the Algerian condition.

Independence will only bring disappointment. Algeria drifts toward the suffocating stranglehold of religion that Daoud, like Camus, deplores. Vineyards are uprooted because of Islam’s strictures. Harun laments that his one ephemeral love, Meriem, embodies a woman who has “disappeared in this country today: free, brash, disobedient, aware of their body as a gift, not as a sin or a shame.” His words recall Meursault’s dismissal of all the priest’s entreaties before his execution: “None of his certainties was worth one hair on the head of the woman I loved.”

Religion, for Daoud’s hero, is “public transportation I never use.” Who is God to give lessons? After all, “I alone pay the electric bills, I alone will be eaten by worms in the end. So get lost!”

Of course, an imam from a Salafist group has issued a fatwa for Daoud to be put to death. The author, in turn, has called the absence of alternatives to Islamism “the philosophical disaster of the Arab world.” Much more such honesty is needed.

Daoud’s novel has sometimes been portrayed as a rebuke to the pied-noir Frenchman Camus. But there is more that binds their protagonists than separates them — a shared loathing of hypocrisy, shallowness, simplification and falsification. Each, from his different perspective, renders the world visible — the only path to understanding for Arab and Jew, for American and Iranian, for all the world’s “strangers” unseen by each other.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Frank Bruni on Scott Walker

In the formal announcement of his presidential campaign on Monday, Scott Walker mentioned God right away, introduced himself as a preacher’s son and invoked religion repeatedly, as he has throughout a perpetual candidacy that stretches back to his college days, when he told the Marquette University yearbook: “I really think there’s a reason why God put all these political thoughts in my head.”
But what I see in him is the kind of soullessness too common in American politicians and the kind of careerism that makes American politics such a dreary spectacle.
I see an ambition even more pronounced than any ideology. I see an interest in personal advancement that eclipses any investment in personal growth.
These are hardly unusual traits in our halls of government. But they’re distilled in Walker, the governor of Wisconsin.
He’s styling himself as a political outsider, but that’s a fluke of geography, not professional history. While it’s true that he hasn’t worked in Washington, he’s a political lifer, with a résumé and worldview that are almost nothing but politics.
He’s been on one Wisconsin ballot or another almost every two years over the last quarter-century, and he’s only 47. Before the governorship, he was a state assemblyman and then a county executive.
We know from the biographies of him so far that he has been absorbed in those “political thoughts” since at least the start of college, before he could have possibly developed any fully considered, deeply informed set of beliefs or plan for what to do with power.
I suspect that we’ll learn, with just a bit more digging, that he was mulling campaign slogans in the womb and ran his first race in the neighborhood wading pool, pledging to ease restrictions on squirt guns and usher in a ban on two-piece bathing suits.
He has drawn barbs for the fact that he left Marquette before graduating and was many credits shy of a degree. But I know plenty of people whose intellectual agility and erudition aren’t rooted in the classroom, and his lack of a diploma isn’t what’s troubling.
The priorities that conspired in it are. He was apparently consumed during his sophomore year by a (failed) bid for student body president. According to a story by David Fahrenthold in The Washington Post, he was disengaged from, and cavalier about, the acquisition of knowledge. And he dropped out right around the time he commenced a (failed) candidacy for the Wisconsin State Senate — in his early 20s.
Walker’s cart has a way of getting ahead of Walker’s horse. Only after several flubbed interviews earlier this year were there reports that he was taking extra time to bone up on world affairs. This was supposed to be a comfort to us, but what would really be reassuring is a candidate who had pursued that mastery already, out of honest curiosity rather than last-minute need.
When allies and opponents talk about his strengths, they seem to focus not on his passion for governing but on his cunning at getting elected. “He’s a sneaky-smart campaigner, they say, a polished and levelheaded tactician, a master at reading crowds,” wrote Kyle Cheney and Daniel Strauss in Politico. “He learned the value of ignoring uncomfortable questions, rather than answering them.”
What an inspiring lesson, and what a window into political success today.
He tailors his persona to the race at hand. To win his second term as governor of Wisconsin and thus be able to crow, as he’s doing now, about the triumph of a conservative politician “in a blue state,” he played down his opposition to abortion, signaled resignation to same-sex marriage and explicitly supported a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants.
But with his current focus on the Iowa caucuses, he no longer supports a path to citizenship, flaunts his anti-abortion credentials and has called for a constitutional amendment permitting states to outlaw same-sex marriage. He even has a newfound affection for ethanol.
His advisers, meanwhile, trumpet his authenticity. Authenticity? That’s in tragically short supply in the presidential race, a quality that candidates assert less through coherent records, steadfast positions or self-effacing commitments than through what they wear (look, Ma, no jacket or necktie!) and even how they motor around. Walker is scheduled to trundle through Iowa later this week in a Winnebago, and of course Hillary Clinton traveled there from New York in that Scooby van.
“I love America,” Walker said in Monday’s big speech. That was his opening line and an echo of what so many contenders say.
I trust that they all do love this country. But from the way they pander, shift shapes and scheme, I wonder if they love themselves just a little more.
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