Life, Love, and Loneliness (revised and expanded)
Tammy called me up just as I was about to close ”the office” down and called it a day. She said she must come over and see me at once. She couldn’t wait. I told her that unscheduled session for after hours would cost her one and half rate of the usual consultation fee. She said she didn’t care and would be in my office in thirty minutes.
I have a counseling business. I untangle the entanglements of the human heart and to ease the burdens on the human mind. The business is not thriving. Most of my clients are women and I get them through word of mouth. I don't advertise my business as I don't have a professional license and I don't want to pay taxes. All the transactions are on cash basis. I keep no records. And my ”office” is actually my spare bedroom functioning as my study where I keep books and do my writing. Tammy has been a client for many years.
She arrived all excited and smiling.
-I have a new boyfriend and he will fly in tomorrow.
-Congratulations! So what's the problem? Is he married or what?
-Give me a break! I’m not that type. I ain't no home wrecker. I want to show you his photos on Facebook and his texts and then please tell me what you think of him.
I must admit that I was impressed by Tammy. She was no raving beauty and not of much education and money, but she seemed to catch boyfriends left and right. The problem was that they didn't last, and not because of her inadequacies in bed. Once, she grinned in telling me she knew the ”Art of Pleasure” and wasn't unfamiliar with Kama Sutra. She even tried to come on strong to me, but I deftly deflected her advances. She wasn't my type. Too materialistic, too connivimg, too unstable. She was a devotee of Tantric Buddhism and a rather generous disciple and supporter of a Tibetan monk. I didn't want to tell her that the monk was taking her and her fellow disciples for a carpet ride. She didn't ask for my advice about the matter and my attitude was that if people wanted to be exploited, that was their problem, not mine. I myself was a victim of exploitation many times, though not in religious matters, and thus should refrain from dissing out unsolicited advice. There are matters a human must learn on his own.
After studying the photos and the texts, I spoke:
-Congratulations again. He’s even younger than you. That’s a plus. The guy is legit. He has a good job, a manager with a good company. The company is very big, although the business is in a downturn because of the decline of the price of oil. Regardless, the company is too big to fail. And the business is going to bounce back. It looks like there will be a shooting war with Iran anytime now. Plus, that war in Yemen must come to a conclusion. It can't go on forever. The shooting on oil tankers and the bombing on oil pipelines and terminals will resume. That will make the Iraq-Iran War 40 years ago a child’s play. That’s going to drive up the price of oil sky high. But how did you meet this guy?
-On Facebook. He was following me for some time and insisted on being my friend. I was reluctant at first. He lives far away and seems to be way above me in education and money. But he persisted. I finally gave in. I figured I had nothing to lose but time. And then lo and behold, he’s been coming on strong, too strong, as a matter of fact.
-Listen, Tammy, I’m going to speak frankly. That’s what you’re paying me for. The man is impulsive, lonely, and a very good catch for you. He’s falling hard for you. But, based on your romantic history, you must ask yourself a question whether or not you really care about the guy or he is just a financial savior for you. Everything has a price. Sometimes the price is very high. This guy is serious, emotional, and not quite stable. You must treat him with devotion and tender loving care. Don't use him. Don't play with him, otherwise he may flip out and liable to do something stupid.
-But how the hell you know all this, just from looking at the photos and reading some texts?
-I just know. Call it a gift. That’s why you’ve been coming here for advice and counsel. I’ve been right. And you know it. You know I know something about the human heart.
-You’re scaring me. Should I tell him not to come?
-That question indicates you aren't that serious with him. No, you can't just tell him not to come. That's too late now. Let him come. You will know if he really turns you on.
-Let me ask you a question, if I may.
-Go head. What is it?
-Don't get mad. But I always wonder, if you’re really so knowledgeable about the human heart, then how come you're lonely and don't have a girlfriend. I've followed your blogs. I've read your posts on the Net.
-You are here to talk about your problem, not mine. And you are aware that you are paying for my time. Right? I don't feel comfortable talking with you about myself and then charging you for it. It just isn't right. We can talk about it if we are out on social chitchat.
-In that case, would you like to be at dinner with us when my boyfriend is here? Please come. I want you to meet him. I’m willing to pay for your time.
-Let me think about it. You don't have to pay for my time while I have dinner with you and your boyfriend. Congratulations again on having a new boyfriend. Be nice and gentle with him, please.
A week later, Tammy called me again shortly after the crack of dawn and wanted to see me as soon as I was available in the morning. She sounded disturbed.
When she arrived at 9 am, she looked bad. She looked like she was not sleeping well. She lost weight and and looked wan, despite the make-up. There was no usual zest in the way she moved. Something was seriously wrong in the span of seven days. She flopped down in the armchair and started crying right away. I let her cry. That went on for at least five solid minutes. Then suddenly, she stopped crying and glared at me.
-Why the fuck are you just sitting there and not asking me why I’m crying? What KIND of counselor are YOU?
-Easy now. Watch your language. One more outburst like that and you’re out of here. I like the money you’re paying me, but I’m not starving. I won’t take any abuse from you or from anybody. Is that clear?
-I’m sorry (she then resumed crying)
-So, what’s wrong?
-Everything.
-Everything? Including the dinner?
-No, the dinner was fine, but things went down hill from there. He flew in as he said he would. I picked him up. He was glad to see me, at least that was the impression I got. We then went to dinner. I stupidly asked him if it was OK for you to come along. He said No, and three would be a crowd. He interrogated me why I needed to see a counselor and how long I’ve been seeing you. So I backed off, coming up with an excuse that I was proud of him and wanted to show him off to you. Anyway, he took me to a Chinese restaurant. I acted cheerful and happy, but I was getting bad vibes. I was not confident to ask him how I looked to him, whether I looked like he expected me to. I know I’m not drop dead gorgeous or anything like that and my pictures are always better than I really am. I didn’t eat much. I was nervous. Roberto, the guy was great. He looked much better in person. I was wondering if he really fell for me because he could easily get women much better than me.
Anyway, we got home. Both of us took a shower, not together, though I wanted to. That would have been awesome and romantic, like in a movie. When he came out of the shower and was in shorts and T-shirt, my heart skipped so many beats that I thought I would have a heart-attack. And then of course we jumped into bed. He was quite kinky, which sort of delighted me, but then the bad vibes I picked up during the dinner didn’t go away. Then he predictably rolled over and soon snored while my mind was racing ten thousand miles per hour. I was wondering what the hell I got myself into and what was happening to my Prince Charming who had texted me fantastic messages declaring burning, unquenchable love for me.
Things got weird and surreal in the morning. He got dressed in a hurry, claiming that he got a text from his boss that something had happened and he was required to be back in the office as soon as possible. I wanted to see the text, but he refused to show me his phone. I wanted to scream and curse at him, but I controlled myself. I cried instead. But that didn’t work. He still didn’t let me to read the stupid text. What really pissed me off was that he looked cold and unconcerned. I drove him back to the airport. We didn’t talk much. I felt hurt and confused and angry. I felt used and then discarded like a piece of garbage. At the pasenger drop-off area, he leaned over, gave me a quick kiss on the lips and rushed out of the car. I knew then it would be the last time I saw him. Still, I texted him a good flight wish. No reply from him that day and none in the following six days, including today, despite my sending him at least ten texts, the last two were quite nasty. Roberto, I’m feeling dirty; I’m feeling like a cheap whore. The bastard spent a few hundred dollars on airfare just to have one-night stand with me.
Roberto, why couldn’t I keep my men? What is wrong with me?
-I’m very sorry to hear what was happening to you. This is going to sound trite, but you must learn to look at things from a glass half-full point of view. At least the guy didn't physically hurt you or steal money from you. I don't know what went wrong. Like you, I could only guess. And my guess may be just as good as yours. So I’m going to speak in generalities. Use whatever you think applicable or useful.
You are only 50 years old. You have a lot of good years left with you. You can turn your life around. Not me. I’m 70. I have only a few years left. I’m coasting to a dusty death. I’m preparing for death so when right before it comes, I won't get too uptight or panicky. I want to die with dignity. My friends are dropping dead left and right. And all of the sudden, I realize that Fame or Power or even Money don’t count much. What really counts in Life, and especially in old age, is Love.
I am a late bloomer. Wisdom came to me late. After failures in multiple marriages and dozens of romantic liaisons, I came to recognize certain verities. Be honest. Be kind. Be mysterious a little so people feel intrigued and won't take you for granted.
Also command Respect from others by respecting yourself and others. Nobody would love you if they don’t respect or admire you first. Be dignified. Be fair. Don’t be cheap. Keep your word. Make yourself lovable and loving. Don’t be needy. Be upbeat and pleasant to be around. Avoid cheap shots and sarcasm and obvious, stupid, clumsy flattery.
Remember, you are not bad physically and you brag that you know how to satisfy a man in bed. Everybody is lonely. Everybody wants to be respected. True Love is not easy to come by and harder to keep. To get Love, you must have a lot of Love inside you. That means you must learn to give more of yourself, and not to take, not to ask for things from others. Maybe the guy was scared and ran away because you viewed him as your financial savior. It was way too early for you to do that. Very few men like to be Sugar Daddy. You don’t turn down what people want to offer you voluntarily, but don’t ask and don’t beg. Don’t be a beggar. That’s demeaning and degrading. Walk tall, but don’t be full of Anger or Undue Pride. Remember, people owe you nothing, least of all Happiness. Be nice, but don’t be a sucker.
To conclude, humans are social animals. We need help, support, encouragement, comfort and somebody to share our feelings. That’s why Love is more important than Sex. Sex gets old after a while. But Love stays forever, even long after we die.
Now go find another man. Learn from your mistakes. Don’t be too pushy. Good luck.
Wissai
July 13, 2019.
Ainsi Parlait/Thus Spoke/Así Dijo Wissai
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