Tonight Bob said some nice things to me that were quite touching to hear. That proved he was not insensitive or stupid.
Regarding my frank manner of speaking, that might not come across as sophisticated or civilized or refined, but I believed in unadorned way of expressing myself. To thy own self be true, as Shakespeare once said in Hamlet.
Compared to many other Vietnamese, I might not come across polished, but I am no scum of the earth.
I dreamed of my first girlfriend the other night. That was almost 10 years since I last dreamed of her. 20-48 years ago, I used to dream of her at least twice a month. Like almost every dream I had of her, the dream of the other night was sad. I woke up right away and I felt sad, but not depressed.
Love was short but suffering could last the lifetime. I was a very slow learner about the human soul. I suppose I've been kind to Bob because he needs my company. He is suicidal and he needs a friend like me to hang onto life, somebody who cares about him. When I was in the depths of my sufferings, nobody cared, nobody wanted to listen to my tales of woe. If took a supreme effort on my part to pull myself up and find a will to live.
There must be a reason to live, a meaning for our existence. To give up is easy. To fight against depression requires an understanding of how the brain works, of which I am quite knowledgeable.
Best wishes
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