Me, Me, Me

Me, Me, Me.

My name is Roberto H. Wissai. The middle initial stands for Hawk. Like almost everything about me, Roberto Wissai is a fiction, but over the years, Wissai is what I've been known by. Hardly anybody (unless they are assholes like TamiKaKa, Traafn Bas Ddowfm, and Paul Van), including myself, cares about my legal name. I am like Mark Twain and Voltaire. The pseudonyms have stuck and stayed.  

Everyone thinks I'm burdened and laden with narcissism because I love to talk and write about myself. That may be true, but there's a world of difference between narcissism and selfishness or the more complicated terms egotism and egoism. Look them up in a big dictionary. 

We are all narcissists. The difference is whether we admit that and the degrees. We were born alone, fragile and perplexed. We grow up and process information and experiences through our senses and minds. The world is understood only through our own prisms, our perspectives. And we have an instinct for self-preservation, if we are normal and not sick in the head. 

Man is the only species that knows in advance it's going to die. I'm no exception. Actually, I'm one of the few exceptions in the sense I'd like to keep stock of what has been my life since my earliest memories, so I can come to terms with my life prior to heaving my last breath. I'd like to find meaning for my existence although I know inherently my life, like any life, has no meaning. Life, in its essence is an accidental process and devoid of meaning. Humans are the only organisms on this planet that want to know if or insist that their lives have meanings.

In looking back at my life, I have gone through and grown up with food scarcity, authoritarianism, lazy intellectual development, deception, and violence. And let's see how I have turned out, i.e., if I in fact have been a product of the environment. 

Food: 

I'm massively indifferent to it. I can eat anything edible, and don't waste food. I now can afford fine dining but I don't indulge and luxuriate in it. I eat to live, not live to eat. But that doesn't mean I do not appreciate gourmet dining. 

Authoritarianism:

I hate figures of authority. I hate rules and regulations. I'm a rebel, but I'm not an anarchist or nihilist. 

Intellectual Development:

Ironically, I developed most of my intellect after I finished my formal schooling. The more I read and study, the more arrogant and humble I become. Everyday when I look at the monkeys and apes around me or on social and political stages, I feel superior and nauseous. 

Deception:

Belatedly, very belatedly (what can I say? I am a very late bloomer. I was stupid and dumb), I arrived at a conclusion that life is a process of deception and competition for power. Almost all human apes love and strive for power. I do not. And I hate those assholes who love and strive for power.

Violence: 

I am a violent guy. I like violence. Life is very violent. Just look around or follow the news. Man is a violent ape. One of my intellectual mentors, Nietzsche, once succinctly said, "To be weak is to invite attack." I'm eternally ready and willing when opportunities for violence arrive and arise. I will have my moments of catharsis. 

Conclusion:

So am I an amiable, sweet, pleasant dude to be around? Am I a fair, just, and honest human being? Yes, yes, yes, if you are not a devious, power-hungry, stupid, ignorant son of a bitch.

At Sea. In the Gulf of Mexico 

May 21, 2016