Grammar and Stylistics

A few comments on the grammar and stylistics of the English version:

1. "We would like to take this opportunity to urge the President of the United States and the US State Department to focus on these urgent and critical issues:"

I would write: ".....President Obama and Secretary Kerry...." The original sentence sounds extremely clumsy in its construction. 

I would write: "...urgent issues". "Urgent" and "critical" are redundant. Use one of them, unless in fiction and poetry. 

2. " To address the common interests of ASEAN countries in matters of economic and sovereign security with regards to..."

I would write :....with regard to..." Too often, common folks put the "s" after "regard" in the phrase "in/with regard to". But truly educated folks, especially lawyers, don't make this rather stupid mistake. 

3. "We strongly urge that a joint statement on this issue will be drafted and signed by all ASEAN countries upon the occasion of this ASEAN Summit Feb 15-16, 2016.

I would write ".....be signed.... upon completion of this ASEAN..."

-After certain verbs (urge, order, suggest, command..) and phrases (it is important/imperative that...) the verb in the dependent clause must be in the subjunctive mood, i.e., is not conjugated. 

-"drafted and signed" are redundant. No document is signed unless first drafted. 

-The phrase "upon the occasion of" sounds clumsy and not quite English. The substitute phrase "upon completion of" is much better in terms of thought and clarity. 

4. "To advance the Trans-Pacific Partnership Trade Agreement (TPP) in all aspects including proactively reaching out to all ASEAN countries to have them become members of TPP and to ramp up the time-line for its implementation since Congress has fast-tracked this Agreement and since TPP has been signed by the participating signatory countries involved (in Auckland, New Zealand on February 5, 2016

I would write: "....the timeline....participating countries....

-"timeline", not "time-line"

-Again, wordy and redundant problem. No need for "participating and signatory". Use either one. When you participate, you sign; when you sign, that means you agree to participate. Writing reflects how you think. 

5. "We suggest that  assurances are made to the American people..."

I would write ".... be made...." See 3 above.

6. "  The conditions are ripe for such a Treaty Organization that will contribute tremendously to the peace and security of not just the Asia-Pacific regions but of the World.

I would write:

"....treaty organization...". There is not a specific entity called "Treaty Organization"

7. "We can bank on the distinguished and successful record of NATO and to adopt its policies and procedures as guidelines for a similar Treaty Organization in Asia-Pacific.

I would write:

-".....successful". "Distinguished and successful" are redundant. 

-"treaty organization". See 6 above.

8. "Finally, we hope for future ASEAN Summits that Americans of ASEAN heritage would be included as observers and contributors to assist in the advancement of these agenda items so that our collective efforts and energies would produce desirable outcomes for all participants."

I would either write : "Finally, we hope, for future ASEAN Summits, that Americans of ASEAN heritage would be included..." or "Finally, we hope that for future ASEAN Summits, Americans of ASEAN heritage would be included..." The placement of comma is vital in the art of writing. 

Wissai

canngon.blogspot.com

February 8, 2016

 

Dear        President Obama / The White House

                Secretary of State Kerry / US State Department

 

It is welcoming news that President Obama will be hosting an ASEAN Summit in Sunnylands, California, famously known as the “Camp David of the West”, this upcoming week of Feb 15-16, 2016.

 

We would like to take this opportunity to urge the President of the United States and the US State Department to focus on these urgent and critical issues:

1.     To address the common interests of ASEAN countries in matters of economic and sovereign security with regards to the East (Asia) Sea, (which is often referred to erroneously as the South China Sea), where competing claims are destabilizing the region and are a cause of present and future conflicts.  Here, we suggest that there are mechanisms set in motion where unanimous decisions are not necessary for collective actions to be implemented, particularly with American leadership and initiative, such that any unilateral claim would be challenged regionally and internationally with effective consequences thereby guaranteeing long-term peace, stability and respect for international rights as well as sovereign rights of all countries involved.  We strongly urge that a joint statement on this issue will be drafted and signed by all ASEAN countries upon the occasion of this ASEAN Summit Feb 15-16, 2016.

2.     To advance the Trans-Pacific Partnership Trade Agreement (TPP) in all aspects including proactively reaching out to all ASEAN countries to have them become members of TPP and to ramp up the time-line for its implementation since Congress has fast-tracked this Agreement and since TPP has been signed by the participating signatory countries involved (in Auckland, New Zealand on February 5, 2016).  We suggest that assurances are made to the American people that their jobs are not on the line and that we will not be outsourcing work to the detriment of the American economy.  Furthermore, legal framework for TPP must be protected so that member countries can have full confidence that future American administrations will not reverse or abandon the policies initiated under President Obama. 

3.     To advocate for the creation of a new Treaty Organization along the lines of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) for Asia-Pacific countries, perhaps aptly named APTO (Asia-Pacific Treaty Organization).  Though the failure of SEATO (South East Asian Treaty Organization) is a discouraging fact, we should not let the fears of a darker past hamper the hopes for a brighter future.  The conditions are ripe for such a Treaty Organization that will contribute tremendously to the peace and security of not just the Asia-Pacific regions but of the World.  We can bank on the distinguished and successful record of NATO and to adopt its policies and procedures as guidelines for a similar Treaty Organization in Asia-Pacific. To pass up on this opportunity to unite and organize is to invite war and terror that would have devastating effects upon many future generations to come. 

Finally, we hope for future ASEAN Summits that Americans of ASEAN heritage would be included as observers and contributors to assist in the advancement of these agenda items so that our collective efforts and energies would produce desirable outcomes for all participants.

 

Sincerely,

 

Dr. Joseph T. DoVinh, JD, Chairman

UNITED DEMOCRATIC PARTY OF VIETNAM (HQ in America)

 

8342 Garden Grove Blvd, #8, Garden Grove, CA  92843  

Phone: (714) 548-8289.  Email:  JoeDoVinh@Gmail.com