On reading "Shambhala"

On reading "Shambhala" by  Chögyam Trungpa

Fearlessness means going beyond fear. Poker is a game about uncertainty, thus fear. A winner at poker is the one who knows about fear and fearlessness. 

Cowardice is trying to live as if Death is something mysterious and frightening. In fact, Death is as familiar and common as sunset. Life is the time between sunrise and sunset. Life is brief, mostly sunny, and beautiful. We must learn to enjoy it. 

Be like a lacquered wooden cup, not a porcelain cup. When it falls on the floor, it does not break into pieces. It bounces around. It stays whole and is functional again. If you sit still and let emotions come and go without really touching your inner core which should be left undisturbed, a lot of insights would come to you and you would cope with life better. Don't be hasty to blame others for your misfortune. Blame yourself first. Don't cry a childish song that you are misunderstood and unappreciated. You are not that mysterious or unfathomable. Chances are if people don't respect you and hold you in contempt because you deserve that kind of treatment, because your behavior calls for that kind of reaction. Think logically and face reality. At the same time, don't be a herd animal. You are a social animal with a good brain, not some dumb fuck that needs the support of a stupid crowd full of conformist cowards. So next time some asshole scumbag says publicly that you are an outcast, smile and say to his face, "fuck you and fuck your stupid group! Do you really think I care to be accepted into your stupid group? Nobody in your group deserves to hold my dick for me while I piss!" The asshole acts if you are afraid of being a loner. The asshole does not understand you. Remember, you always have a choice: you can limit our perception so that you close off vastness, or you can allow vastness to touch you. The choice is always yours. You are the one who makes the choice. Don't let anybody make the choice for you. 

Get involved with the magic of life, of being alive, of having friends and lovers, yet be aware that you are all alone in this world. Nobody understands you and cares about you as you yourself. 

There is a big difference between drinking hot green, aromatic tea and ice-cold tea. The former calms you and helps you be in touch with the magic of existence; the latter just quenches your thirst. 

In spite of what I have said so far, please be gentle even when you are angry. To be gentle means you are in control of the situation, including yourself. It also means you are showing consideration and respect, even to the asshole who made you mad. Even a dog wants to be respected, let alone a human being, even if that human being is a scumbag and an asshole, like me or him or anybody you know. If you can, say nothing and walk away when you are angry. Everybody is self-righteous. Everybody talks too much. Don't be like one of them.
A woman told me she loved me and I believed her, but she was angry and uptight when I told her that I could not and would not love her back. To be angry and uptight was wrong. Many decades back when I was in Vietnam, I told a young woman I loved her. She said she was sorry that she was unable to reciprocate my feelings. I was not mad and i did not throw a temper tantrum. I politely withdrew and stayed away from her. I went into a long meditation on the reasons why my love was not reciprocated. After more than 35 years, I found the answers and I have been at peace and have stopped dreaming about her. She was my first love. For many years, I used to long to meet her again. Now that longing is gone. I have developed a complete indifference to her. If by chance I run into her, I would not even say hello. I just walk away and my heart would beat evenly, as if I meet a stranger. She is beneath me, I finally understood, after 35 years of meditation on the issue and after many recurrent dreams. Love could kill. It almost did. She didn't deserve my love. Not anymore. 

I need to stop. I don't want to sound like a lecturer while in fact I just want to share my feelings which are overflowing and choking me. That was why I was baring my soul. I talked too much already. I hope you are not too stupid not to understand why I wrote the way I did. Deep, deep down, way down, I am full of love and gentleness. But I doubt if you really believe that. But you know what? I really don't care. Like all my writings, I wrote this piece more for myself than for you. I really tried to be dignified and genuine, but I couldn't help being profane. Profanity is part of the message. Pardon me if the profanity was offensive to your tender sensibilities. 

Wissai
June 17, 2913.