Vile, loathsome character

So the Asshole revealed his character. That delighted me. The loathsome fellow has a peculiar, disingenuous dishonesty that verges on being pathological. He merrily constructs his own version of reality where facts don't really matter. He says whatever suits his conception of himself. Application of logic and reason is cast aside; appearance and denial take precedence over substance and fact. In short, the individual is evil and lives a life of a lie.

I don't think the Asshole has a vision of mortality when a human being makes a bet with his life with the full knowledge that his foot is on the edge of a big abyss. I don't think the Asshole realizes that he is evil. On the contrary, he fancies that he is more complex and above the common folks. And the fool tries to evince that he has some vestiges of humanity in him whereas in fact what he has is a conscience of a predator: a starving, mangled mongrel on the loose.

Anyway, I'm tired of thinking of this vile, disgusting, despicable, loathsome, repulsive dog. Evening has arrived. I'm hearing rumblings of thunder in the distance, and then rain starts falling down in buckets, hitting the roof and the window panes with a vengeance as if the sky has split up. I look up from my iPad. Streaks of lightning are arching the sky. That reminded me of the fateful evening a long time ago. I was back from a date. And it was raining cats and dogs when she drove into the driveway of my house. It was our fifth date in three weeks. My car was in the shop.

I asked her if she would like to come in. She said she'd better not. I said, really, please come in, it's raining and the roads are wet, you should sit out the rain. She said, I'd better get going. All right, then, I really had a good time and I really would like to see you again, I said. She didn't say anything to that overture. She just sat there looking at me, smiling that unforgettable smile of hers. I smiled back and then I opened the car door. When I got to the front door of my house, I looked back and waved at her. She backed her car out of the drive way. I got in the house, took off my shoes, and went upstairs to change and was getting into the bathtub when the doorbell rang. I knew it was she. I hurriedly put my bathrobe on and ran downstairs to the door.

I yanked the door wide open. And there she was, standing in the rain, her hair dripping wet, looking straight at me. I softly said, "please come in." I closed the door behind me and then touched her wet face with my fingers, and in seconds that lasted like eternity, I felt her body pressing tight against me, her wet hair against my face, her fingers fumbling to loosen my bathrobe, and all my concerns and worries about the vast age and wealth and education discrepancies between her and me dissolving and disappearing like rain water run-off into a swirling drainage pipe. I still remember her saying even to this day, "Oh, Roberto, Roberto, Roberto!" when my bathrobe fell to the floor.

Later, as she lay snuggling close to me, sound asleep in my bed, with her rhythmic inhaling and exhaling of air on my chest, I had sensations and feelings of peace and love, I thought I was lucky to have found her and for the first time in my life I became a believer in the mysterious, in the Higher Power, and in my own spiritual goodness.

A couple of years later, she disappeared from my life, but the awakened belief in the mysterious and in the Higher Power stayed. I no longer think I possess a spiritual goodness, however. My current High Priestess has been chastising me for that self-doubt. She has frequently said to me, "Roberto, you must believe that you're good, that you're blessed to be born as a handsome, intelligent, sensitive, artistic human being, that there's a Higher Power looking after you and shielding you from evil spirits. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm not babbling gibberish and spiritual nonsense. It's not so much what you actually believe in as the uplifting power of that belief that does to your soul, to your conduct and behavior towards other sentient beings, including people that you currently despise and hate. Over time, you will come to a realization that this life is brief and all too beautiful to have your precious energy expended in hating and despising benighted souls. Forgive them since you're made of better materials. Don't bite on the bait that people like the Asshole is hanging out for you."
(to be continued).