Contempt Redux

There are certain assholes which can't help themselves. They "inspire" distrust and contempt because of their lying and dishonesty and abhorrent self-righteousness. And yet ironically they go around despising others and feel smugly good about themselves. Assholes are like that. Take a case of a midget. I never liked this puny asshole. He looked ugly and possessed a stupid accent. Yet the asshole fancied that he was debonair and dapper. For the life of me, I never quite understand that he was able to marry and even begat children who are, expectedly, as ugly as he is but have normal height. Anyway, I disliked him for his cultivating a phony, cultivated, "mature" image. I never, ever once asked for his email address, let alone writing directly to him. But his email address happened to be included in a massive distribution list on a certain matter, so when I decided to make a comment on that matter, I hit the "Reply All" button. The asshole cavalierly and rudely and promptly sent me a short note saying he was so fucking "busy" (sic!) that he had no time to read my comment. I sent back a terse reply that I never, ever even bothered to ask for his email address and that the reason why he had the honor to see my beautiful name in his filthy, motherfucking mail inbox was because I hit the "Reply All" button. I further rhetorically reminded him that all he needed to do was to reach for the "Delete" button if he was really very busy and that he didn't have to send me an email to tell me so! But you see, assholes are like that. They fail to see the absurdity of their actions because they are so damned self-righteous. Oops, I almost forgot to tell you that I was so pissed off of this midget after I got his insulting and rude email message that I called my brother in Haiti, who was a high voodoo priest and requested that he put a curse and a hex on him and his entire family and all his relatives. Don't laugh. My brother is a very "good" priest and as far as I know, at least what he told me, that all his curses and hexes work like a "charm". I would be satisfied if only the midget will die of a prolonged, painful death. So far I have heard through the grapevine that he is having a vision problem and a rare case of STD resulting from over-consumption of Viagra and a sexual escapade in Bangkok. As I told you, I have "faith" in my Haitian brother.

Female midgets are nasty, too. I am speaking from personal experiences. About 12 years ago, I struck a friendship of sorts with a female of Eastern European descent. She was far from being a beauty, nor did she possess intimidating intelligence or captivating wit. In short, she was a plain Jane, burdened with having a very short stature, but oddly enough that didn't prevent her from having an undeserving high opinion of herself. Two years into the friendship, she told me in a roundabout way that she had a crush on me. I was not really surprised because I tended to have that kind of effect on females, midgets or not. Anyway, I hemmed and hawed, stuttered and stammered in trying to explain why I couldn't reciprocate her affection. To make a long story short, the relationship went into a twilight zone and stayed there till one day she died of heart failure. I must have been a glutton for punishment because soon after the untimely death of the first female midget, I somehow developed a relationship with another female dwarf. This one came from a certain jungle in North Vietnam and she proved to be wild and savage at heart although she cultivated an image of sophistication on the outside. When her selfishness and savagery were too much for me to put up with, I sent her a "Dear Jane" letter which promptly sent her into a paroxysm of rage which in turn told me that I had made a right decision. To make another long story short, I have learned from my mistakes. Now I am avoiding midgets, pygmies, dwarfs, and freaks like a plague. Oddities now nauseate me, instead of fascinating me.


(to be continued)