Primal States

You are caught in that primal state. It touches you deep in your guts. You feel transformed. Unlike Art Ickle, you don't wish to climb up a mountain and shout from the summit. Instead, you feels its presence, the way it is tunneling into the core of your being. You ask yourself, " Is this real or is it Memorex". Yesterday, Silvio, your best friend called. Since you are now a world famous movie star and a cultural icon and a supreme Walter Mitty, he would like to conduct an interview for the magazine Rolling Stone.

"Roberto, I understand you are a womanizer. Is there any truth to that rumor?
-Why would you say I am a womanizer? I was brought up by women. I lived among them as far back as I could remember. I grew up in a household full of women. I can't envision a life without women. I don't know anything else. I connect with them. They're my friends. And I love them.
-Who is the most important woman in your life?
-My mother, no doubt. I loved her. And I think of her everyday. I miss her. No other woman would come close. I think the women I've responded to the most somehow resemble my mother in some way, not only looks but also personality. There is a Mexican-American poet named Santiago Boca. His mother left him when he was five. He grew up and routinely had nightmares about being left by his mother. He screamed and cried during his sleep even when he was a full adult. I think any woman who leaves or abuses her children must be a monster. My mother loved me even when she meted out corporal punishment to me when I was a young boy. I just sensed she loved me although she never said a single word of love to me. She only said she was my mother and she had to take care of me despite my being a bad boy. And I was a very bad, naughty boy when I was young. She did express hope that she would live with me in her old age and I would take care of her. It was not meant to be. She died of illness while waiting for the immigration papers. When the news of her death reached me, loneliness hit me with a force that has not loosened its grip even though that happened 25 years ago.
-Are you happy?
-I don't know what happiness really is. Maybe it has something to do with being loved. That's probably why I keep falling in love every five minutes, why all my best friends are women, why women seem to like me, and I like them."