Far into the dreamland

You know you are cursed with an impracticality. You live in memories, hopes, and dreams. Recently you acquired an appreciation for the sound and music. These days the melody of the song "Ai Cho Toi Tinh Yeu" keeps coming to you in waves after waves of haunting insistence.

Who would fall for me?

Who would give me a love 
Full of innocence, poetry, and dreams?
I would welcome her with open arms
And lead her into my heart,
While my lips press upon hers.

But I am only dreaming.
That's why my heart is sobbingly lonely
It flutters its wings, but has yet taken off in love.
I call out for love to land on my heart,
But love has yet found its way.

Night after night, loneliness briskly enters my bedroom,
Cold winds get to my heart, and stars fall off the sky as the night is drawing to a close. 
The quiet house is full of bitter memories, so my soul is taking an aimless stroll.

Who would fall for me, so we can join in a predestined union?
I would love her all my life
Please, oh, please, don't be shy,
My heart is choking....

Translated by Wissai
June 20, 2011.

Music and Lyrics by Truc Phuong:

Ai cho tôi tình yêu

Ai cho tôi tình yêu
Của ngày thơ ngày mộng
Tôi xin dâng vòng tay mở rộng
Và đón người đi vào tim tôi
Bằng môi trên bờ môi

Nhưng biết chỉ là mơ ...
Nên lòng nức nở, thương còn di chứ yêu thì chưa đến
Nên gọi tên tình chưa đỗ bến, (biết) nẻo mô mà tìm?

Nằm nghe cô đơn, thoáng bước trong buồng
Giá buốt về tìm, sao rơi cuối đêm
Nhà vắng mang nhiều cay đắng, xua hồn đi hoang

Ai cho tôi tình yêu, để làm duyên một người
Tôi xin dâng tình tôi trọn đời
Người ơi người, xin đừng e ấp,
làm tim nghẹn ngào ...."

Love is a waiting game for the loneliness to subside. You dream of the impossible. You long for a light to dispel, no matter fleetingly, the darkness of your sky.

The sound of her voice, the music of her soul will stay with you forever. The chance encounter gave rise to cherished memories. That is what you live for. Meanwhile you have to make money and take care of your body and mind so you can keep on dreaming.

She said, so what will happen if I decide to go ahead and love you? That would fill you with feelings of serenity, but what will happen to me? No doubt, anxiety will permeate my being for you are not free for me. Your heart won't be just for me. I know you will go on dreaming. I can't and won't take that. You're wrong. I am not a wonder woman. I am not strong. I only want you for myself. I don't wish to share you with any woman. So, as much as I love you, as much as you make my heart flutter, I have to walk away from you. You will always be in my heart. Late at night I will occasionally take your picture out and look at it. I might even display it in my bedroom. But I won't call you, ever again.

He said, true love has a way to manifest itself. If I really love you, I will find out. Meanwhile, I do know this: I like to sing nowadays. And when I sing, it's you, and nobody else, that I am thinking of. You see, Marlon Brando once said, "we put to sleep our notions about ourselves that are real and dream others." I don't know if I am acting towards you. What I sense, however, is that I am slouching towards a certain truth in myself, and that is I badly need love from others, like fish needs water. Also, I try to feel alive everyday because once you feel alive, everything is enriching and everything is possible. I used to get depressed and suicidal. I didn't want to be where I was. I wanted to be somewhere else, yet I felt weak and powerless to go somewhere. I am concerned I may come across as maudlin and melodramatic to you and that you don't understand me. This world can be vast and lonely sometimes. Last night a woman came to my room. She was the landlady of the house I was staying. Her loneliness was palpable. She wanted to convey her loneliness, but I made a pre-emptive strike at her attempt of self-disclosure. She saw I was not interested in seducing her. So she made small talk and then staggered back to her residence where loneliness is the real oqueen.


Wissai