Skating on Thin Ice

I love skating on thin ice. It forces me to be alert and I am usually relieved, even euphoric, to stay alive at the end of an exercise. In addition, I usually learned something deep about myself during the period I put my life in danger. Just as I was trying to get some rest, somewhere deep inside me told me that I need both respect and disrespect from people. The respect woukd provide the self-validation while the disrespect would propel me for self-improvement. With the insight about disrespect, all the past hurts seemed beneficial and thus acceptable. As a consequence, I am now shrugging my shoulders whenever memories associated with Ag and La come back. The same thing with the memories associated with lesser assholes such as the Monkey, the Coward, and the Justifier. They are just scumbags and douchebags, and not much of men. They are like mice and ticks. Contempt for others is easy. What I should avoid is self-contempt. So, I must learn to preserve wealth and health, and avoid petty, private crimes. I must pay close attention to dignity.