I looked at a lady's calf muscles and a flood of stupid, innocent memories rushed back. The awakening of romantic feelings when I was an awkward, assertive adolescent versus the wariness of the current cynical codger. How time flies, but the memories linger on. I had a sardonic, bitter smile on my face. I turned my face and went back to my textbook, trying to fight against ignorance in my old age. Too many bitter lessons. Too many bad memories. Too many lies. Too many disappointments. Words. Nothing but words. We are all selfish. We don't care enough. We don't really love others, at least not as much as we love ourselves.
I saw Obama's press conference today about the improved picture of jobs creation. Again he gave a superb performance. He didn't gloat. He didn't take the credit. He took the high road. So far the only thing the guy disappointed me was that he lied about not hearing his pastor Wright mouthing off anti-white rhetoric during the 20 years he was sitting in the pews. At any rate, Obama has something I do need to emulate: poise and apparent lack of pettiness. There's one redeeming aspect of my personality. I do recognize the good parts of people around me and try to incorporate them so I can improve myself. That does not mean I am a humble son of a bitch. Far from it, but I have learned to curb my aggressiveness and to be pleasant and gracious. Last night, some guy (not the first person who ever did that. I constantly get similar comment) said that I had a refreshing sense of humor and he liked that. I humbly acknowledged his observation and moved on with my newly adopted persona patterned after that of the movie star I have been harping on recently. At this late stage in my life, I belatedly recognize and admit the importance of grace and dignity in social intercourse. So I dress better, enunciate my words, speak only when absolutely necessary, state my disagreement quietly and briefly, and refrain from using big words when having a conversation with a nitwit or a disagreeable person. I look around me and try to find people who are more accomplished, more caring, more understanding so I can get inspiration from. I try to stay from selfish, rationalizing animals, especially the so-called "educated" ones. I know I am superior to them and made of better and finer stuff than them, but feeling superior to them does not do me any good. That only makes me smug and complacent. They are what they are. I stop hectoring them to have a heart. They have heard enough from me. Shrill hectoring from me just makes me look self-righteous and ugly. I now focus on people who are superior to me so I can work on improving myself while constantly reminding myself that although women keep saying that I am cute and funny and that they love me, those are only words. Past bitter memories have anchored me and prevented me from foolishly believing what they said. Meanwhile I continue working on my mind and my body as I want to see how long I can be an object of adoration from women.
Roberto Wissai, one of a kind, one tries to be shy,
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