Who are we?

Who are we?

Who we are is what we think we are, not what we really are. It only matters when the discrepancy between who we think we are and who we really are no longer sustains itself and crumbles right in front of our eyes. Only then we are forced to confront reality and accept who really are. Very few humans are able to accept who they are. Most often fantasize they are better than they really are.

Take the matter of patriotism. Most Viet expats would vehemently claim that they care and love Vietnam, but when you inquire and probe a little more deeply as to what they have done to support their claim, you would then encounter excuses and rationalizations.

Take another intimate matter, say, love and sexuality. Most would claim that they were or still are attractive to the opposite sex, but few offer hard evidence. Most would assert that they are still virile, but quietly rely on sex-enhancing drugs for performance. Sadly  there has been a plethora of essays or poems about sexual matters, but a dearth of essays and poems about love, duty, and responsibility. As men get closer to death, there is a marked preoccupation with frivolity and little concern with meaning and purpose of life and with honor and marital vows.

Last Sunday, you went to Scottsdale to ply your trade at the avocation of poker. You saw your friend Mike from
Ethiopia talking with an attractive but provocatively clad young woman. Later you came over and asked who the woman was. Mike said she was only a friend. He explained that the evening before, he was playing at the slot machine, the woman played at the machine next to him. She went broke and pathetically asked him if she would "borrow" two dollars from him. Mike gave her $5 and said that it was a gift. Then he went home. The following day she was looking for Mike and found him taking a break smoking cigarette outside the poker room. That was when you saw them talking. It turned out that she managed to turn that $5 gift to $200 win. And she was looking for Mike to give him $100! You were astounded to hear that. You were then completely bowled over by Mike's revelation that Mike refused to take the $100 and told her that she needed to manage her money better. The woman was swept off her feet by Mike's magnanimous gesture. She embraced Mike and told Mike they  could go out to have dinner together and later to have "a good time". Mike, aged 36, thanked her but said that he was married and he didn't want to betray his wife. Now, please bear in mind that the woman was young and very attractive, and thus rendered the story told by Mike incredibly beautiful and rare. You wonder how many people in this world would behave like the young woman and Mike. Mike was not rich by any means. He made only $50,000 a year and was not a very successful poker player and could use the $100. Mike told her that she was indeed a very rare person. She replied that he was very rare himself.

After hearing the story from Mike, you couldn't help thinking about it and felt compelled to disseminate it. You also realized that life was stranger than fiction and that there were some rare, beautiful people in this world who made you feel small and ugly. You then vouched to yourself to be who you could be. Starting that Sunday afternoon, you would stop feeling and acting superior to those who don't share your views on life and who don't seem to possess the same bookish knowledge or the same reasoning skills or the same morality as you do. You would have to mind your own business and work on improving yourself.

Wissai
October 20, 2010