Human Hearts

Human Hearts 

In the Summer of 2013, you discovered something about yourself and your fellow men, something hitherto you had only read about in books and the news. 

1. Stupid and ignorant and yet stubborn bitches cannot help themselves. They are too stupid and ignorant to know better, and too stubborn to change. Anytime they open their mouths, their bitchiness comes out. Yet they loudly thump their chests and say they are students (sic!)  of Buddhism.You see, there is a large variation in human behaviors. Some humans are not much different from vain and stupid monkeys. They cannot be helped. These monkeys even think they are good-looking. Maybe they don't have mirrors in their houses, but there are mirrors in public restrooms. You suppose that they are too cowardly and insecure to look at themselves in the mirror because if they do, they would see that they are exceedingly and incredibly and horribly ugly because of their piggy eyes, obesity, and midget "height". No wonder they have no boyfriends. You wonder how some of them would even be married. Their husbands must have been uglier than them or suffered from congenital blindness and/or idiocy. These motherfucking, ugly bitches need to be exterminated and eradicated since they are a disgrace to the human race. Hitler was right about them. Where is he when we need him?

One of them told you that her words are personal (sic!) and sacred (sic! and sick!) and should not be shared with others. Fuck, her words don't mean shit to you . If you want to spread them around, that's your business. If she didn't want her words leave a trace, she should not have committed them in writing. She should have just talked to herself in that pigsty apartment of hers. 

2. Okay, you are wondering what set you off to this verbal savagery and meaningless  destruction of goodwill and affection, why your hard-earned inner peace is devolving into chaos, and why you seem to get a delight from moments of turmoil and rupture. Is it because you feel unanchored, angry, nihilistic, even homicidal? Of course, you were  being aware what you were doing with the above verbal thundering denunciation. You  hesitated long enough to realize you were making an emotional suicide, but then you kept going. You have made so many wrong moves in your life that one more wouldn't make that much difference. Not anymore. And not really. You already feel alone in this world: a man without a country, a home, a wife, a friend. You are just here, occupying space and feeling unconnected and unrelated. You just don't know what's going on anymore in a human's heart at any moment in time, you own heart or anybody else's. A guy pontificated that a man with true pride didn't need approval of others. Wise words, but are they necessary or even really true? Nobody is so strong that a gesture of understanding and approval doesn't mean shit to him. 

So you deftly soldier on while Wagner's haunting music is ringing in your ears. You are the music, the symphony of the universe. What you just wrote was not just rhetorical flourish. You feel the music. In fact, you are the music. The day the music dies is the time for you to go. 

Unlike many others, the mediocre ones of this world, your words announce themselves. They draw attention to themselves, as if they exist independently of you. The gap between fantasy and reality lies in the magic of words. And you keep on going as day rolling into night and night evaporating  into sunlight.

3. Ego makes a person do and or say foolish, stupid things. Silence is strength fortified with wisdom. Why do you dislike the bitch and others and why do others dislike you? Because of stupid, harsh words uttered in moments of anger and smugness. The bitch has no fucking grace and neither do you.